Shattered
by ChaseChick
Summary: After the death of her father Katniss is shipped to the Panam School for At Risk and Disadvantaged Youth. Peeta and his older brother Rye are in a terrible car accident resulting in the tragic death of Rye, he too is shipped to the Panam School. Can two completely lost strangers save each other? Or are they so shattered beyond repair that they can't let anyone else in?
1. Chapter 1

**Shattered**

Summary: After the sudden and unexpected death of Katniss's father and the immediate mental demise of her mother both Katniss and Prim become wards of District 12. Prim is immediately placed in foster care but Katniss is enrolled in the Panam School for At Risk and Disadvantaged Youth merely hoping to survive until her 18th birthday. Feeling completely alone and depressed she withdraws into herself not caring what goes on around her.

Peeta Mellark idolized his big brother Rye. Rye was the all star athlete with natural good looks and a likeable persona. Peeta did not excel at sports though he did try; always trying to please his overbearing mother he never seemed to make her happy. Upon Rye's graduation the two go out on the town celebrating but the night ends in a tragic car accident that takes the life of Rye. Unable to stand the sight of him his mother ships him off to the Panam School for At Risk and Disadvantaged Youth. Peeta is completely devastated and could care less whether he lives or dies.

Can two completely lost strangers save each other? Or are they so shattered beyond repair that they can't let anyone else in?

_Author Note: Here it is the first chapter in the modern day drama of Katniss and Peeta. If the response is good I will continue this on._

**Katniss**

I rest my head against the cool glass and watch the first heavy drops of rain as they fall and splatter against it. Everything around me is grey. The sky, the walls, this drab uniform they make us wear, it's depressing. But I guess it's fitting given that's how I feel too, depressed. I unfold and press the wrinkles out of a piece of notebook paper for the tenth time and reread my sister's letter.

_Prim. _Or rather Primrose, my 11 year old sister was sent off into the care of a wonderful husband and wife who longed for children. My sister was at a precious and moldable age that people still wanted her, figured she still had a chance to become something. Me on the other hand they shipped off to this dreadful school until I turned eighteen. I kept rereading her letters in search of clues that all wasn't really what it seemed in Prim's paradise. I was wary if the couple was as really nice as they had seemed when they whisked her a way a few short months ago but Prim's letters say nothing but nice things about them. They take her shopping, give her an allowance, take her to the doctor, and she's starting to make friends at her new school. I'm happy for my sister I truly am but I am so lonely without her.

I bite my lip in an effort to keep the tears from spilling out. I miss my old life. I never realized how good I had it until it all came unraveled. Just three short months ago I was normal and happy, and now…

My father, my sweet adoring lovable father, had been crushed by a piece of falling equipment in the mines on a late shift. My mother, who was always quiet and reserved, shut the world out altogether the moment she had heard of his untimely demise. We lasted a few weeks on our own before some of the neighbors started whispering about our welfare and not long after a Child Protective agent showed up and whisked away the very same day.

We were stuffed into a temporary crowded group home while they sorted out the details. My mother was very sick they told me, there was no chance we would be going back anytime soon. The money from my father's accidental death settlement paid off the remaining debts on our childhood home and it was sold to pay for my mother's care in a psychiatric facility and my meager tuition at the Panam School for At Risk and Disadvantaged Youth. Prim, in the meantime, had been scooped up by the nice couple leaving me on my own.

I refold her letter and slide it into the pocket of my grey sweater. The rain is coming down harder now and I watch for a moment, completely mesmerized as I watch the droplets glide down the window before spilling around a hairline crack in the window. I am just about to head to my room to collect my books for our morning classes when a car pulls into the circular front drive.

The Panam School is in the middle of nowhere. I figure no one wanted a bunch of potentially dangerous and volatile teenagers running amuck in a nice neighborhood. There isn't much interaction with the outside world to speak of so immediately I'm intrigued as to who would be visiting the school. Occasionally CPS workers come to take a student or inquire on the progress of another; one time an ambulance had to take away a girl who had sliced a blade to her wrists but that was it. I was the newest student here. No one had arrived in my three months so new arrivals didn't happen often either.

I stop to observe as the big dark town car pulls to a stop. A man, obviously a hired driver, emerges all in black with a black umbrella and trots to the back to open the door of the sedan. A thin severe looking woman steps out and immediately makes her way to the door. I'm so intent on watching her arrival I almost miss the arrival of the young man she was riding with.

He stood with some trouble in the heavy down pour. His blonde hair immediately plastered to his head soaked with rain. He was dressed in slacks, a button down white shirt and an unbuttoned blazer that screamed money. He threw a back pack over his shoulder and leaned heavily on his crutches and began to move across the drive. I see the driver dart back to cover the young man with the umbrella but it doesn't seem to faze him. My eyes travel down to where a bulky cast encases the lower third of his left leg. As he gets closer I see he has a few bruises, his hands have some pretty nasty looking cuts. My eyes flick back to his face to continue my observations when he suddenly looks right at me. I jump back from the window, my heart pounding in my chest. Had he seen me? I was flustered at the thought. I had to admit I was curious to who this guy was, he definitely had an air about him.

I curse at myself for my stupidity. I was acting like some silly little school girl. I hastily make my way back up the stairs to my room to retrieve my books. I'm half way up the stair case when I meet my roommate Rue.

"Katniss, where have you been? We are going to be so late!" She admonishes.

"I have to get my books," I tell her. She simply shakes her head and hands me my bag.

"I've got them, come on we are going to be late and I for one don't want a tongue lashing from Mr. Abernathy."

I smile at Rue. She is probably the only person I've felt somewhat comfortable with since I've been here. She's small for her age and looks more to be my sister's age but she just celebrated her sixteenth birthday last week. Well, we stole some food from the cafeteria and we sat up late in the night talking about what we were going to do the moment we got out of this forsaken place. That's about the best you could hope for around here.

As we make our way to the other end of the enormous building for our class she badgers me for details. "So are you going to tell me what kept you?"

I offer her a small smirk and keeping her waiting for a moment before I blurt out, "I think we have a newbie today."

"Really?" She asks with her voice rising in octave in excitement. "Boy or girl?"

"Boy." I say simply as we make our way to our seats just before the bell.

"Cute?" She asks.

"I guess if you go for that sort of thing. Look pretty roughed up, leg was in a cast." I get out my books and last night's assignment for class.

"Well he must not be too bad on the eyes if I had to guess." When I raise my eyebrow to her she continues, "You were late because you were ogling him and now you've got a grin on your face. You don't grin Katniss."

"I wasn't ogling him I just happened to see his car pull up and I am allowed to smile Rue."

"Uh huh," she giggles as Mr. Abernathy walks in and sits at his desk. He leans back in his chair puts his feet up on the desk and crosses his hands across his chest.

Haymitch Abernathy is our teacher/mentor/counselor or whatever else they want him to be. He's a bit brash and to the point but I don't really mind him much. I always have my assignments done and he leaves me alone most of the time. He definitely doesn't take attitude or excuses well though. I guess dealing with 12 at risk youth wouldn't allow for much patience with that sort of thing. "Well boys and girls. Are we ready to turn in last night's math assignment?" His voice drips with sarcasm and he laughs as most of the class moans. I simply hand him my paper when he passes and he gives it a quick glance. "Nice job sweetheart."

My day drags on and I can't seem to concentrate, I keep picturing the boy in the rain. I don't know why but his intense gaze is burned into the back of eyelids and no matter how much I try not to think about it I can't seem to stop myself. Who is he? What is he doing here?

"I'm so ready for this day to be over." I say to Rue through the thick bite of apple in my mouth as we sit down in the small cafeteria.

"Why? We have dinner duty tonight," Rue reminds me.

"Ugh, wonderful!" I examine the limp piece of lettuce and cheese in my sandwich and I look over to comment to Rue on why they didn't bother putting some meat in there when I see _him_.

Haymitch helps him through the lunch line and then leads him to a chair. The boy sits down heavily. I can see Haymitch talking but the boy doesn't seem to say anything in return. He keeps his eyes on his plate. He seems so downcast, so completely sad and lost. I shake myself mentally. We are all sad hopeless cases, that's why we end up here, I admonish.

"Is that him?" Rue leans in and whispers to me. I simply nod because I can't seem to pull my eyes off him. The boy looks up from his plate and turns his head to stare directly at me. His eyes are blue and his gaze is intense. I know he's caught me looking but I still can't look away.

"Katniss?" I hear Rue question. "He's looking at you" she whispers.

"Nah" I tell her. But Haymitch looks at the boy and then follows his stare right to me. Haymitch offers me a smile and a nod. I nod in return and immediately drop my gaze to my tray.

"He so was. And wow. You weren't kidding when you said he was cute" she says as she finishes off her carton of milk.

"I didn't say he was cute" I whisper back. I follow Rue to clean off our trays and then push them into the wash room. At least I'm not on dish duty this week I think to myself. I'm about to follow Rue out the door when I chance a glance back. My grey eyes immediately meet his intense blue ones as he gazes back at me.

Who are you? I think to myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Shattered**

**Chapter 2**

_Author Note: Here is Chapter 2 of Shattered, thank you for the overwhelming response! The song for this chapter, for the whole story really is Rev Theory- Broken Bones. Definitely recommend listening to it with this chapter. Please read and review!_

**Peeta**

My head throbs, my leg throbs, my whole body throbs, but none of it compares to the pain in my heart. I breathe, move and live on auto pilot only because I have to. I'm at this school but I could care less if I'm here or home really. At least here I won't have the pointed stares from my father and the glares from my mother. I won't have to look at the empty chair that was Rye's, passing by the room he once slept in. The whole house reminds me of him, so maybe being here will be better.

It's only been two weeks since the accident but it still feels like it happened yesterday. I swallow back tears that burn in my throat as I'm escorted to my "special" room on the first floor of the building. Headmaster Snow leads the way. My mother took off the moment the paperwork was signed, no good byes or well wishes. It's no secret that Rye was her favorite and I have no doubt that she wishes it was me who perished that night. I wonder if she would be happy if I agreed with her on that. I wish a million times over that I had died and Rye had been the one they pried from the wreckage.

Headmaster Snow unlocks the room and turns on the light. A single bed is shoved against a bare wall, a small window with bars behind it. A small desk with a lamp and a dresser and wardrobe take up the rest of the room. A small door just off the side wall leads to a private, handicap accessible bathroom. I suppose being a gimp does have some perks I guess.

"When you are healed up we will move you upstairs to the regular dorms and you'll share it with a roommate, one bathroom per floor. These luxuries are only temporary" Snow says in a clipped manor. His pleasantries dried up the moment the ink on the check dried and my mother left for home. "I've had Portia bring your things in; I'll give you some time to get settled in. I'll send Mr. Abernathy down to collect you for lunch to go over your schedule and the school rules."

I nod to him and he exits without another word. As the door snaps shut I let out a breath. I find being with people difficult. I crutch on over to the bed where my suit case and duffle bag await. I set about putting away the clothes, the toiletries and eventually my sketch pad, pens and school supplies. The whole thing is exhausting because I take twice as many trips as I normally would have to because of this damn foot.

I sit down in the desk chair exhausted from the morning's events. I close my eyes and try to ease the tension headache I have forming. I'd take an aspirin if they hadn't confiscated all my drugs when I got here. I also see they kept my laptop and cell phone. The bars on the window remind me that I'm not at some luxury school or camp, this is a punishment. I don't even care, I probably should be punished. I can't help but think that if it weren't for me my brother would still be alive. Still be alive to play sports, laugh, and make the world a better place. People were drawn to my brother like moths to a flame. His easy going personality made him likeable to everyone. He had so many friends, but he was my best friend. So I guess I'll have no real need for my phone or my laptop.

I'm drawn from my musing by a swift rapt on the door. The door cracks open without waiting for an answer. "Peeta?"

"Yes" I say and hobble to my feet to greet who I assume is none other than Haymitch.

"No, no," he says as he motions for me to keep sitting. "Don't bother standing, you'll be tired enough with me dragging you around. I'm Haymitch Abernathy, teacher, counselor, you general go to person." I simply nod at him, he moves to the foot of my bed to lean against it before he continues. "First off I'm sure you've noticed that your belongings were searched before they brought them to your room. For everyone's safety any potential weapons, drugs, laptops, mp3 player or cell phones are confiscated. Now I know you have some injuries, the nurse has your pain medication; we'll stop there on our tour so that she can introduce herself and set up a schedule with when to see you for that. I'll give you a tour of the school and see to it you get lunch. For now we'll keep you off work rotation until you're off the crutches. "

"Work?" I ask him.

"Yes, at Panam you have your schooling during the day and then we rotate each student through different work schedules. It helps you to get some real life skills in addition to your academics. Not to mention it keeps the cost of running the school to a minimum." Haymitch continues to rattle on about the school rules but I'm only half listening. "Lights out is promptly at nine each evening; students must be in their rooms by eight. You must attend all of your classes unless otherwise excused. You must also attend individual counseling sessions and group sessions as you are assigned. We do have extracurricular activities and a few groups if you'd wish to join." I simply nod to show that I'm listening. "So do you have any questions for me?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Okay well let's get this show on the road" he says as he stands and leads his way into the hall. I follow behind him my crutches making a steady clink with each step. "How much longer before that thing comes off?" He asks as he points down to my crutch.

"Two more weeks" I grunt as I follow Haymitch.

When we come to a cross section of hallways he points to the left. "That way are the offices that I'm sure you were in earlier, Headmaster Snow, his assistant Portia, I have an office and a few of the other teachers and our counselor that you will meet also have offices down that way. " I nod in understanding and continue following him as he moves on. "Here is the main entrance to the school. To the right is a common room used for lounging and for group sessions when we have them. We also schedule movies and entertainment on the weekends in there. Over there" he points to the stairs, "are the stairs that lead to the upper level dormitories and classrooms. " We turn and take the hallway that runs next to the stairs. "We don't have an elevator so can you make it up the stairs on your own?" I simply nod. Stairs aren't my favorite task but I can manage. "Okay down this way is the nurse's room and sick bay to the left and to the right is the cafeteria and kitchen area." We continue down the hall and to the left to the nurse's area.

We push through the double doors at the end of the hall and I can immediately assaulted with the smell of antiseptic and cleaners. The smell damn near gives me a flashback to my recent stint in the hospital. We enter a partitioned area where the nurse's desk is located with two chairs. Haymitch motions for me to have a seat and I sit down with a big thump. Haymitch wanders off for a moment to locate the nurse and returns a moment later with a middle age woman with soft brown eyes.

"Peeta this is Nurse Paylor." He motions to the nurse behind him.

"Hi Peeta" she offers kindly. I already think I like this woman, she seems friendlier than a lot of the staff I've met.

"Lo" I offer gruffly. She moves to stand in front of me to lean against the front of her desk. She leans back and grabs a manila folder off it and I can seem my name written in neat little block letters on the side.

"So Peeta it looks like you were in an automobile accident a few weeks ago." I swallow thickly and nod keeping my eyes on the square tiles of the floor. "It looks like you suffered a broken leg, two broken ribs, various abrasions and contusions as well as a concussion. You were released from the doctor to attend school here and are to return to the local hospital to remove your cast in two more weeks. It looks like they've prescribed you some pain meds to be taken as need not to exceed 4 in a 24 hour period and some Lorazapam for anxiety. Does this sound right? Am I missing anything?" I bring my eyes up to hers and shake my head. "Okay, when was the last time you had a pain pill?" She grabs a pen from her des k and is ready to scribble my reply.

"This morning around seven or so I think" I reply.

"Okay," she scribbles, "Do you need any now?" I shrug my shoulders indifferently. "How about we give you one and then if you need another one you can come down before lights out okay?" She asks not unkindly. I simply nod. She moves to the other side of her desk and unlocks a desk drawer to remove my familiar bottle of pain killers. She plops one in my hand before hurrying from the room. She returns in a moment with a small paper cup filled with water. I toss the pill in and swallow the water. "Now if I don't see you this evening please return here tomorrow morning at 7:30 am before your morning classes to take your anxiety medication. Do you have any other question or need anything?" I shake my head and move to stand with Haymitch. "Okay, if you need anything my door is always open. Try to take it easy on that leg so we can get you off those crutches huh?" I nod and make my way from the room.

We leave through the double doors and continue down the hallway passing the hallway we came from. "If you turn right instead of left here you go to the dining area and kitchens. Are you hungry? It's about time for lunch." I just follow Haymitch not really saying anything. He prattles on anyway, "We should grab some food now and go over your schedule and then we can make the trek upstairs so that you can see where the other dorms and classrooms are."

There are a few students milling about eating their lunch, a low din of conversations. They seem to quiet some upon my entrance. I follow Haymitch through the lunch line and he graciously fills up both our plates and sets them on a tray and leads us over to a table.

"We have four grade levels here; you'll be in the 11th grade. We have about twenty or so students per grade level give or take a few." I look down at our plates as Haymitch digs into his food. It looks unappealing to say the least, an apple, a soggy looking sandwich and some kind of brown soup. "I think we'll assign you someone in your class to help you out for the first few weeks until we get you a little more mobile." I continue to stare at my lunch but I feel someone's eyes on me. I stare up and catch a brunette with sharp grey eyes staring at me. I stare back at her and amused that she doesn't drop her stare. A small dark colored girl is sitting with her and leans into whisper something to her. She mouths a response but she doesn't drop her eyes. Haymitch must have been speaking to me but I can't really focus on anything but her at the moment. He follows my stare and offers the girl a nod and a small wave.

She drops her gaze and then stands with the girl and moves to dispose of her left over food and dishes. I turn to watch as she exits the door and am surprised when she catches my eye again before leaving the room.

"That's Katniss Everdeen." Haymitch tells me. "She's in your grade year and just arrived here three months ago. I can assign her to assist you if you like?"

I look back at Haymitch and I'm surprised to see he has a smirk on his face. I shrug at his suggestion. "Okay, with you helper assigned let's move on to this schedule. " He slides a piece of paper in my direction. "You have two teachers a day and each teacher will take care of two different subjects. We have gym twice a week and will meet usually on the grounds but its weather permitting. For now I'll have you go to the nurse's station until you've been cleared for physical activity. You'll have two afternoon counseling sessions with Cinna, our psychologist, and one group session on Friday afternoon." I look at the piece of paper to see this is all drown out in nice neat blocks along with allotted times for breakfast, lunch, dinner and reflection time.

"Are you ready to go upstairs?" Haymitch asks me as he stands to dispose of his tray. I've hardly touched my food but I have no appetite so I simply nod and stand. We hobble, well I hobble and Haymitch walks up to the second level. Haymitch points out two classrooms in this hall. "Your morning sessions will be in the one on the left." We continue down the hall and around a corner, "and your afternoon sessions will be in this room." I simply nod and try to take in the locations of everything I need. We continue up another flight of stairs and I'm sweating as we reach the top. "On this level we have another classroom used by another class and the library and study room." He shows me into the library and I'm surprised to find this room appealing. The ceiling is higher in here and there are large windows that overlook the large tree covered grounds. The room is floor to ceiling books, there are tables and chairs and more comfortable looking chairs sprinkled throughout. Haymitch points to an upper level. "Up there are smaller study rooms you can use to work with other students and there is a computer lab up there where you'll be able to do some of your assignments." I nod in comprehension. Haymitch leads me back down the three flights of stairs and back to my room.

"If you need to call home at any time you can go down to the office to see Portia." Haymitch says as he concludes our tour. "I'll send Katniss down here to introduce herself and she can see you to dinner and back to your room before lights out. You will follow your assigned schedule for tomorrow. My door is always open too if you need anything Peeta. Okay?" His brow is furrowed as he asks me this and I'm struck by the thought that he might actually care what I'm going through.

"Okay, thank you Mr. Abernathy." I reply softly.

"See you later Peeta." He exits and I ease myself down on to my bed. Between my pain pill and the long hike around the building I'm beat. I lie back on to my pillow and draw my aching body into a fetal position and find myself falling into a slumber. And for the first time in two weeks my dreams aren't nightmares about screeching metal, blinding pain and Rye's limp body. Instead I'm haunted by the inquisitive grey eyes of Katniss Everdeen. Who are you?


	3. Chapter 3

**Shattered**

**Chapter #3**

_Thank you all for the positive response to this story. I hope you enjoy this latest installment of Peeta and Katniss angst. Feel free to visit my tumblr page for updates, I'm listed under chasechick!_

_**Katniss Everdeen**_

I'm just finishing the last of my homework assignments before I head out to work the dinner shift in the kitchens when a soft knock on the door rouses me from algebraic equations.

"Yes?" I call out as I finish scribbling out the answer to the problem.

"Katniss?" The door opens and Mr. Abernathy enters the room. I drop my pencil and turn to face him. My heart immediately begins to stutter a little. In the three months that I've been here he has never visited me personally. Something must be terribly wrong.

"Y-Yes?" I stammer out.

"Why so nervous sweetheart? You've got nothing to worry about." Haymitch tries in a placating tone as he leans against the end of Rue's desk. I simply shrug my shoulders and move to pack up my now finished assignment. "I have a favor to ask of you." I raise my eyebrow to him.

"A favor?" I ask, he smirks and shrugs his shoulders.

"Okay more of a bequest" He replies. And I stare at him waiting for whatever it is that he wants me to do. "We have a new student, Peeta Mellark, I think you've seen him around the campus." My cheeks burn with embarrassment, I'm sure my face is a lovely shade of pink. He continues "As you could tell he can't get around so good and add that with him being new and he's going to need a bit of help for a few weeks." I try to follow his train of thought, what could he possibly want from me? "I want you to see to it that he gets his meals and to and from classes okay, I'm assigning you to assist him." I gulp; I'll be with the mysterious newcomer all day.

"Sir, I'm not sure I'm the best person for this, I'm not too good with people and I'm still a bit new here myself. Maybe he'd be better off with someone like Delly Cartright or…" I mumble to a stop as he holds up his hands.

"I think you'll do just fine. Besides you two look like you were pretty interested in each other earlier." He raises an eyebrow at me and chuckles while I bury my head into my hands; I'm going to die of embarrassment. He places a hand on my shoulder, "Listen, I don't think he needs anyone over the top to be honest, he's having a pretty rough time right now. " I raise my gaze to meet his and realize he's not giving me a choice.

"Okay, anything in particular I need to know or do other than get him class?"

He places a finger to his mouth in thought, "Let's see, well he has to get to the nurse every morning at 7:30 and then whenever for pain medication, he's also assigned there for PE class. You'll need to help him get his meals and help him to the library or to group. I think he can manage getting to his counseling sessions okay. Just answer any questions he might have, it's only for a few weeks until he can get around on his own." He stands to leave and I can tell this conversation is over. "His room is on the first floor, the one Clove used to be in. You know it?"

I nod my head yes. Of course I know it; everyone in the school knows it. Clove was the girl who infamously attempted to kill herself in that room not a few weeks ago. That's the room they give to those who aren't stable enough for a roommate, or as it seems, to people with a bum leg. "He's expecting you to take him to the cafeteria for dinner so go do your shift and then go and get him before you and Rue eat. I will inform all the staff of our arraignment so they are aware you might be running late a time or two." I simply nod as I follow him out of the door to go do my stint in the kitchens.

I slip on an apron and pull my long braid up in a hair net and cap, the most unflattering uniform ever. Rue is already waiting by the counters as are Johanna and Delly who are sharing our shift. Greasy Sae, the "chef" is instructing us on what we are doing for dinner tonight. Meaty sauce and noodles, mixed vegetables, rolls and pudding for desert. We set about lugging the large cans and containers from the pantry storage into the kitchens and then opening them one by one. When my arms are sore Rue takes over. We drain the water from the vegetables and dump them into a large pot on the stove and light it. Johanna and Delly are squabbling as they dump copious amounts of red pasta sauce into a similar pot. Delly squeals in disgust as Johanna splatters some of the sauce up her apron and in Delly's hair. Rue and I cover our mouths and try to hide a giggle.

Rue and I continue our food preparations in silence while we listen to the other girls squabble. Johanna is rebellious and loud, she doesn't care what anyone thinks, Delly is the quintessential good girl that does what she's told and most people generally like her, it's fun to watch them clash, almost serving as a form of entertainment. When everything is heated we grab one pot between us and heave them out to the buffets and fill all the treys. After several more trips I'm sweaty and tired but we are done with the food prep. Thankfully I won't have to wash dishes tonight too. Panam recently decided that dishwashing was evil enough to institute it as a form of punishment for trouble makers. It works out well; we usually have our share of trouble makers here so the dishes are always clean.

Students are starting to arrive in the cafeteria so we duck back into the kitchens before we can be seen in our hideous ensembles. We peel off our soiled aprons and throw them into the laundry and then toss our used hair nets and paper hats into the trash. I try my best to tame the flyways that have escaped my braid and make myself look a little more presentable.

Rue notices my odd behavior and tugs on my arm. "Katniss, what are you doing? C'mon I'm starving!" She continues to tug on my arm but I shrug her off and tug down my shirt.

"Grab us a table I'll be back, I have to go assist the new kid in the lunch line" I pout.

"Excuse me what?" Rue doesn't even try to hide her amusement.

"Haymitch stopped by why you were in the library and assigned me to Peeta until his cast comes off." I spit out as we exit the kitchen.

"Peeta huh, interesting name." I give her a chagrined look. "Well I guess he kind of fits in with us oddballs, Rue… Katniss… Peeta… sort of has a ring to it."

"I'll be back in a few." I tell her as I head the circuitous route to Peeta's room. It's some relief that Rue will be a buffer on this first visit. She is such a sweet person that it's hard not to talk with her, I usually scare people away and end up sitting in stony silence. Thankfully she'll be around some of the time so I won't be leading Peeta around in awkward silences.

My heart is in my chest as I reach his door and I take a moment to compose myself. _Stop being stupid, he's just a new kid. Then why the hell is I so damn nervous?_ I'm silently berating myself and working up the nerve to knock on the door. Just as I raise my hand the door is pulled open and I'm standing their feeling like an idiot.

"Uh, h-hi. I'm Katniss you must be Peeta." I hastily lower my hand that I was about to knock with to his in offer of handshake. He awkwardly lets go of his crutch and grasps my hand lightly.

"Hi." His voice is soft and low and I immediately want to hear more of it.

"Are you ready to go get something for dinner?" I ask him. He nods and crutches from the room, I pull his door shut behind him and the sound echoes down the silent hall. We slowly make our way back to the dining room; the silence builds and weighs in on me. I find myself longing for a stray student or two to offer a distraction, though I'm glad the dinner rush is over so we aren't fighting to get through crowds of kids that are difficult to navigate at the best of times let alone on one good leg. I note to myself that we should shoot to go a little late each day to avoid it. "So…. How do you like Panam so far?" I ask.

"It's alright, haven't really done anything yet so I guess I can't complain." I get a thrill listening to his voice; my heart seems to beat faster the more I hear it. I'm afraid if it beats any louder he'll be able to hear it too, especially with the hallway so quiet.

"Well don't get too excited about dinner, trust me I had to do kitchen duty tonight." I laugh a little.

"Are you saying you're a terrible cook?" He asks his face turned up to mine. I can't help but smile, his eyes are a dark blue and for the first time since I've seen him they seem to have a spark of life to them.

"I am a mediocre cook at best." I laugh, "But there really isn't much cooking done here per say, we just open cans of bulk food and heat them up." He makes a face of disgust and I can't seem to quit smiling. Maybe this won't be nearly as bad as I thought.

I push open the doors and hold them open for him to come through. A few eyes peer up at us with curiosity and there is a little lull in conversation but I pretend not to notice. I lead him over to the buffet and place two plates on our trays. "Want anything in particular?" I ask him as he looks down at the food.

"Whatever you get is fine" he says softly ducking his head. I can tell he is embarrassed being the center of attention and I'm not liking it much myself so I don't argue. I ladle some of each fare onto our plates; grab a few rolls, plop two bowls of pudding and two white milks on the trey. I manage to nab plastic ware and napkins in my fingers and balance the whole thing over to a table near the door where I catch Rue excitedly bouncing in her seat.

I pull out a seat for Peeta and he mutters a soft "thanks" before sitting heavily down. I pull out a seat next to Rue and start pulling my own food off the trey before sliding it over to him. He offers me a small smile for my efforts. "Peeta this is my roommate Rue. Rue, this is Peeta." I offer introductions as nonchalantly as I can. He gives Rue a small nod and she offers him an ear splitting grin in return. We dig into our bland food and I can't help but think of the food I used to get at home. It was always spicy and savory, always a variety. My depressing thoughts must read on my face because Peeta's voice gives me a start and I nearly jump.

"Really Katniss it's not that bad, I wouldn't go out and try to get a job as a chef or anything but…" He gives me a small smile and it does the trick of pulling out of the mood I was sliding into.

I offer him a playful shove "shut up." I laugh. I look at Rue who is looking from Peeta to me with a look of smug satisfaction. I give her the eye and she just quirks an eyebrow at me. We finish eating; all the while exchanging friendly banter and then I dispose of our treys and garbage. Peeta is waiting by the door with Rue and I take a calming breath before joining them.

We start to walk through the halls and I can see Peeta furrow his brow a little. When we get to the stair case Rue bids us a goodbye before bounding up quickly, her feet barley seem to touch a step as she climbs.

I reach out and touch his shoulder and he shrinks back a little from me. I pull back a little to give him room. "Are you okay?"

Peeta's face grows a little red with embarrassment and it only succeeds in making him that much more endearing. Wait, endearing, I need to stop the dangerous thoughts before they get me hurt. "It's okay you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I offer trying to get back on even footing with him.

"Well, " He leans heavily on his crutches to free up a hand, he begins kneading his neck. "I actually need to go see the nurse to get some pain medication. I can go on my own though, no need to put you out, I know the way" he finishes hurriedly.

"No that's okay, I don't mind, I've finished up all my assignments so I don't have anywhere I have to be." He nods and begins to crutch back down the hall we just came through and turn to the nurse's station. I hold the door open to let him in. Nurse Paylor sees him immediately and holds a finger up for him to wait a moment while she finishes her phone call.

I peer nervously around the nurse's wing. I've never been in here except for my monthly check ups we all get. I don't like hospitals or doctors or the sick really. I'd prefer to be as far from it as possible, I shift uneasily from foot to foot as I stand beside Peeta. He offers me a glance and a shrug in apology and I simply shrug back.

Nurse Paylor hangs up her phone and offers us a warm smile. "Peeta, Katniss how lovely to see you both! Haymitch told me you volunteered to help out Peeta, that's very nice of you dear." I swallow nervously and my face must heat up, volunteer, well that dirty old Haymitch. Nurse Paylor continues on oblivious to my nerves, "Do you need another pain pill Peeta?" He nods but says nothing. "Is it your leg or…" She gives me a look judging how much to say in front of me.

"If you'll excuse me I've got to use the rest room," I say and I duck into the little bathroom beside the nurse's desk and shut the door to give them a little privacy. I try not to eavesdrop but their voices carry through the little closet of a room. I can hear her as she leads Peeta over to the first curtained area with a cot as I wash my hands and splash cool water on my face.

"So…" Nurse Paylor prompts Peeta for an answer, "Is it your leg, your ribs or are you having a headache?" She asks not unkindly. I exit from the bathroom to see that Nurse Paylor has drawn a curtain around the exam room so I take a seat in a chair next to her desk and absently pick up an old magazine to skim through but my thoughts are on the boy in there on the cot. I didn't dare ask him how he hurt his leg; hell I didn't know he even had busted ribs my curiosity has my brain firing thoughts at a rapid pace. Why Peeta is here at all, surly he couldn't be trouble, could he?

I try to focus on reading an article but I can hear every sound in the sick bay. The crinkle of paper as Peeta shifts his wait on the cot; Nurse Paylor' s mumbled instructions and Peeta's occasional answer. The Nurse requests him to remove his shirt so she could check on his ribs and I can't help but start chewing on my lower lip. The thought of him in there, shirtless… _what the hell has gotten into me!_ I admonish myself as I try to think of something, anything else. I fail miserably but my thoughts turn to those of concern as I hear Peeta suck in a breath when the nurse touches him. "This is enflamed Peeta, no doubt brought on by all your walking around today. I'll definitely be giving you a pain pill and some anti-inflammatory pills and maybe an icepack to rest with." I hear her a little more shuffling and the crinkle of paper as Peeta and Nurse Paylor reemerge from the bay. I smile up at him but he looks away quickly. He sits down in the chair next to me to take the pills the nurse hands him. "I'll be right back with an icepack." Peeta gives a small nod and drops his gaze back to the floor.

"You feel okay Peeta?" I ask. He looks up at me with sad eyes and gives me a small nod. I don't think he wants to talk about it so I just offer him a small smile and wait quietly. The nurse returns with a ziplock bag of ice wrapped in a towel. She hands it to me with a smile to carry.

"I'll see you in the morning Peeta." She gives me an encouraging pat on his shoulder as he shakily stands to his feet. I hold the door open and we retreat back down the hall. He doesn't comment and nor do I. I can't help but hope that someone hasn't hurt Peeta this way. He seems so quiet and nice that it physically makes me ill that someone might have done this. I push down my curiosity and leave him to his own thoughts. He'll tell me if wants to, I don't want to pry. I know I can't stand it when people ask why I'm here, it brings up nothing but horrible memories and bitter thoughts. At long last we reach his room and I open it and flip on the light.

He offers me small "thanks" as he crutches into the room. I'm at a loss of what to do now. Do I leave, offer to help him, make small talk.

So instead I offer, "Can I help you with anything, get you anything…?" I leave the question open ended.

"No, I think I'll be okay now. Thank you for your help Katniss, I really appreciate it."

I lay the icepack on the bed and give him a small nod, "It was nothing, if you need anything just let me know, okay?" I try pushing concern in my voice because I genuinely would want to help him. He swallows thickly as he looks away and I can see that he's fighting back tears. "I'll see you in the morning." I step out into the hall and pull the door closed behind me. I rest against the wall for a moment lost in thought

Thoughts keep cropping up about Peeta even though I don't want them to, I'm not one for letting my guard down or relying on anyone. I take a few calming breaths and stare longingly at the door, why then do I want to do nothing more than go back in there and put my arms around that boy and offer him some small measure of comfort? Why do I want to curl around him in the bed and ease his aches in pains? I realize with a pang of worry that I'm falling for Peeta Mellark. Great.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shattered**

**Chapter 4**

**I'm Not Crazy**

_**Peeta Mellark**_

What a friggin day. I lay back on the narrow bed and place the bag of ice on my enflamed ribcage while I stare up at the ceiling, at the cracks and tiles stained from water. The bedside lamp casts a dull glow around the room creating more shadows than light. It suits me just fine because I can't sleep in the dark anymore that is when I sleep at all. My mind wanders over the events of the day and I sigh in exhaustion. This day has been one hell of a ride.

First I'm abandoned to this god forsaken place by my mother. Thrust into this strange world of strangers and expectations. I try and take deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating when it all gets to be too much. Instead I focus on the one thought that doesn't create an overwhelming sense of panic, _Katniss._

I picture her dark brown hair tucked back into a neat braid, her almond shaped grey eyes and her full lips. I replay the sounds of her voice and her laughter in my head. The thought nearly brings a smile to my face before I squash it down. I don't deserve to be happy. Immediately my thoughts resume to their usual topic of choice, _that night._ I remember the events leading up to the accident for the most part. Right before the accident is still a blur but bits and pieces have been coming in flashes at the oddest times. I try not to remember the events after the accident but it comes unwillingly to the forefront of my mind whether I want it to or not.

I suck in a sob and stuff my fist in my mouth and bite down. I bite hard enough to draw blood and the pain is enough to keep me from breaking down and losing it altogether. I set my alarm clock for the morning and try to sleep but I just end up tossing and turning. Lately I'm lucky if I can get a few hours of sleep a night and the nap I took earlier must have been it for me. Around five dawn begins to break and the weak morning light enters the barred window and casts everything in a washed out light. It looks like a cold and drizzly day again today.

I pull out my uniform of black slacks and white button up shirt and jacket. Thankfully I'm at least allowed to where my own footwear. The thought of hopping around with a loafer on my foot makes me shudder. I hop off to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I strip unsteadily, clutching one crutch for balance. I have to sit to remove my pants and boxers over the bulk of the cast. I try to hurry past the mirror where my reflection gawks back at me mockingly. I'm pale, I've lost weight, I have permanent circles under my eyes and my body is still littered with bruises and cuts from the accident. I'm careful to keep my cast outside of the shower curtain as I sit in the handicapped shower and let the steaming water pelt me for a while before scrubbing down. I don't want to get out and face the day but I have no choice. I dry off and redress in my uniform before brushing my teeth and running a comb through my unruly hair. I retrieve my schedule and thrust it in my bag along with a notebook, a pen, pencil and a calculator.

At 7:25 I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," my voice croaks from disuse.

Katniss pokes her head in the door and when she sees me ready to go she gives me a small smile and I can't help but smile at her in return.

"Ready to go?" she asks and I nod and stand up from the bed. She holds the door open and waits for me to hop through.

We don't really say much as she escorts me back to the nurse's office and I wonder what she's thinking about. We push through the nurse's doorway and she stands off to the side to wait trying her best to give me a little privacy. My face flushes when I remember we were in this same situation last night, I hope she didn't overhear too much of what went on though.

"Peeta," the nurse smiles up at me. "Here you go," she hands me the small oblong pill and small paper cup of water. I take the pill without hesitation but she asks to check my mouth anyway. It's a bit embarrassing and my cheeks must redden because she proclaims "Just standard protocol dear, sometimes kids don't want to take their meds." She offers me a warm smile and a pat on the back before dismissing us after I turn down her offer of a pain killer. I don't want to spend my first day trying not to doze off in a warm classroom.

I hop over to Katniss and we retrace our steps back down the hall to get breakfast. I want to say something to her to break the silence but I don't know what. I wish she would just say something. I wrack my brain for any idea of a conversation starter that won't come off lame. The last thing I need is for things to be awkward between us if she's stuck with me for the next few weeks. Finally I blurt out, "So how the classes here, I mean are the teachers horrible?"

She thinks for a moment before responding. "Well they aren't terrible I guess, I mean it isn't any more difficult than my last school. Most of the teachers are good but there are a few you have to watch out for." I nod as I walk; I want her to say more. The sound of her voice seems to be balm on my raw nerves.

My mouth seems to have a mind of its own as I blurt out "I'm sort of nervous for today." Shit, what the hell am I thinking? She doesn't need to know that I'm such a baby.

She stops and turns to me, "It won't be so bad you'll be with me and Rue most of the day" she pauses again before continuing "It does get better Peeta, being here. Not much but little by little it gets easier." She bites her lips and her face reddens and she moves on at a hurried pace as if she's worried she might have said too much. I have to shake my head and get a move on because she's already several paces in front of me. She turns and looks behind her and immediately slows. "Sorry about that. I'm always hurrying. If you need to slow down just tell me."

"Okay," I offer as she pushes the doors open to the cafeteria. She helps me select some breakfast and we sit down and make small talk until Rue arrives a few minutes later.

"For once you aren't late Katniss!" She laughs as she plops down her tray. I raise an eyebrow in question. "She's always running late no matter how early she leaves, I really don't know how she does it." Rue laughs as Katniss's face reddens again.

"I'm not always late, just sometimes." She says as she sips from her juice.

"Well now you'll have an excuse," I offer her and she looks at me in confusion, "helping a gimp around the campus for a few weeks should get you off the hook." She laughs nervously and I can't help but wonder what she thought I was referring to.

We chat amicably before finishing up. The three of us head off to class just as the morning rush of students comes in for breakfast. Katniss figured it would be treacherous at best for me to attempt the stairs with all the other students rushing about. She's probably right, as much as I hate to admit it. It takes me a good few minutes of grunting and sweating to make it to the second floor and then more effort to get to our classroom.

I'm pleased to see that Mr. Abernathy is our teacher this morning so I already know him and don't have to do any more awkward introductions. He assigns me a seat right behind Katniss and gives me the text and an outline of the class with an underline at our current lesson. Mr. Abernathy apparently teaches both Math and Science today. I grumble a little to myself because I was never very fond of Math nor Science, those were more of Rye's subjects of choice. I preferred art class or literature. I swallow a pang of emotion at the thought of Rye and try to focus on the itinerary.

One by one the rest of the students file in and take their assigned seats. Some gaze at me curiously, others outright stare. One boy, a burly looking fellow with bleach blonde hair, sharp eyes and chiseled jaw glares at me and I feel myself shrink lower into my seat.

"Alright settle down class, settle down. First off I want to announce the arrival of a new student today, Peeta Mellark, "he waves his hand in my general direction and those that weren't already looking at me turn to stare. My face burns in humiliation but as I look to Katniss she offers me a small encouraging smile and a shrug. "Now with that out of the way let's have a pop quiz." Many of the kids groan as they put their books back away and accept the paper as it's handed back. Mr. Abernathy walks back and leans down to whisper to me. "Don't worry about your score Peeta, I won't hold this grade against you, I just want to see where you stand okay?" I simply take the offered paper and bend my head to examine the quiz.

"Well that was incredibly horrible." Rue admonishes sometime later as the three of us settle down into lunch.

"What was?" Katniss asks as she pulls her food from the trey and pushes the rest towards me.

"That God awful quiz in Math," Rue grumbles and I smile at the thought that I might not be the only one horrible at Math. "Science wasn't much better I didn't understand half of what he was referring to. I hope whomever I get assigned to for my lab partner knows enough not to kill us because I don't."

"I didn't think the quiz was too bad." She shrugs as she sips from her straw, "Science was pretty tough though, that will be a hard lab next week."

"What about you Peeta? How was your first class?" Rue asks as she nibbles her salad.

I shrug my shoulders "It was okay, Math and Science are my least favorite subjects so I'm glad to get them out of the way I guess." I try to eat by my stomach is clenching in nerves. For the afternoon I have PE in which I'll be sitting in the nurse's office and then my very first counseling session.

"You okay Peeta?" Katniss leans in to ask me privately as she looks down at my plate where I'm swirling my food around with my fork not actually eating any of it.

"Yea I'm okay… Just not really looking forward to counseling later," I can't look at her so I keep my eyes on the swirling mess of what once was my lunch. She doesn't say anything but offers me a tight lipped smile and continues eating her lunch.

Katniss escorts me to the nurse's office before she excuses herself for PE. I don't envy her, if they go outside it looks cold and wet out. I get to sit in the office and read an article on a relevant health issue and write a report on it. Boring stuff but it passes the time. I do take an offered pain killer because it has been a long day and I am aching something awful. At least Katniss won't be around to see it. I squelch a small pang as I realize I won't see her until dinner and then I feel guilty for even looking forward to her company, I'm just an assignment for her. At the tone of the bell I turn in my article on the nurse's desk and gimp off down to the administrative wing to see my counselor, Cinna.

Cinna isn't at all what I imagined when I pictured counselor. I figured some stuffy old man with a dark suit and a paunch with a bushy mustache. Cinna is just the opposite. He's laid back and wears a blue v neck sweater and black slacks, his skin the color of cinnamon and his eyes are warm and kind, and he's younger than I thought he would be, maybe mid-thirties.

"Hi Peeta, I'm Cinna," he says as he gestures for me to have a seat in a comfortable high backed chair. I'm thankful at least there are no couches like I had envisioned. I nod in acknowledgement. "How has your first few days here been treating you? Are you getting around okay?"

"They've been okay, and Mr. Abernathy assigned someone to help me get around to some of my classes so I've been getting there okay." He makes some notes on his pad and nods his head.

"First off I want to tell you that anything you say in here stays between us unless I think you may do harm to yourself or someone else okay?" I simply nod and then he continues, "Second, you can talk to me about anything, it doesn't just have to be about what brought you here it can be about anything. "

"Anything huh?" I can't help but the sarcastic laugh that erupts from my mouth.

He doesn't miss a beat so if I've offended him he doesn't show it. "Yes, anything. We can talk about how your day is, if you miss your family or friends from home, what you want to do when you graduate, what your hobbies are, what your dreams are about, anything," he finishes and takes his seat. I just sit in the chair and stare, I mean I really having nothing to say at this point. He must sense my hesitation so he begins for me. "I see you are on some anti-anxiety medication. Is it working okay for you?"  
I nod my head yes and he jots that down. "Okay, do you suffer from anxiety attacks?"

"I guess." I say not really ready to give him more.

"How often would you say you get them?" He urges.

"I dunno, just whenever," I finish lamely.

He continues jotting down on his paper before he continues, "And what do these attacks feel like when they are happening?"

How do you describe something like that? I wonder for a minute and he doesn't interrupt me as if he's sensing I'm trying to answer. "Well… they come on quick, suddenly out of nowhere I go from being fine to not." He nods in encouragement and asks me to keep going, "Well my heart pounds and I get all clammy and everything gets all muffled and I get really shaky… its really about all I can remember."

Cinna keeps writing before looking at me with keen eyes and I can tell he's giving me the once over. "Did you have one recently Peeta?"

My eyes meet his and I feel like he's sees right through this act of bravado I'm giving him. I don't answer but I begin to squirm under his scrutiny. "Did you do that to your hand before or after?"

I look down at my hand to see the crescent shape bruise I must have caused from biting my hand. I'm surprised he noticed it at all given that I'm pretty much one big bruise anyway, I guess he's observant. I shrug and stare at the pattern on the rug under the desk, "Sometimes I can stop from completely losing it if I feel something." I mumble and I'm not sure he hears me but he comes from behind the desk and leans on the front of it, when I don't look up at him he kneels down on one knee in front of me.

I finally bring my eyes up to look at him. "Peeta listen to me very carefully, you've been through a traumatic, horrible experience recently. You are giving your body time to heal and you need to give you mind time to heal too." I want to roll my eyes at his words. I doubt my mind or my heart will ever be whole again. "What you are feeling is completely normal and I want you to know that you aren't alone. You can talk to me, to any of the teachers or even some of the other students." I sit there quietly for a moment and he stands back up and leans back on his desk. "Now I need you to be honest with me for a second, do you hurt yourself often?"

I look up at him in confusion. "I'm not crazy!" I cringe as my voice comes out louder and angrier than I had intended. "I don't intentionally hurt myself really it's just sometimes, when I'm alone, it pulls me back when I feel overwhelmed and I start to panic" I finish in a more defeated tone.

"Peeta, we will work on dealing with these emotions in other ways. Some people have a safe thought or safe object that they use as a talisman to remind them they are okay or they are safe. It helps to pull them back when they are on the edge. We will find what works for you okay? I don't want you to have to resort to using masochism as coping mechanism okay?"

I blow out a breath and bow my head. This guy was good. I planned on showing up today and putting up the front I had put on in front of everyone else. That I was okay, that I was dealing with it that I would mourn and move on. Somehow he's found out more about me in just a few minutes than I'd ever let anyone know. I feel so exhausted that I just want to go to sleep and never get up again. Cinna must sense my feelings because he speaks softly, "It's a little early but I think we've covered enough for today, go back to your room and get some rest okay?" I stand shakily to my feet and move to the door. "And Peeta?" I stop and turn to look at him, "You can come and talk to me anytime, day or night, you don't need to wait for our schedule okay?" I just nod and move out the door. I hurry as fast as I can to my room and I shut the door and lean against it, I'm grateful for the solitude. I'm not looking forward to sharing my room with someone; I'd just rather be alone.

I lay down on my bed and hastily pull the covers over my legs and discard my jacket over the back of the desk chair before my eyes close. I'm just so tired. I immediately drift off into a terrible nightmare of twisted metal and screaming, of flashing lights and rain, of pain and loss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Shattered**

**Chapter 5**

**Are You Okay?**

_A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Real life and a vicious migraine have left me useless. I'm sure I probably have typos in here but I wanted to get this out to all of you Everlark lovers. Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_**Katniss Everdeen**_

I can't get Peeta Mellark out of my head, his startling blue eyes, his deep soft voice, the sound of his laugh. I find myself actually looking forward to classes today just to spend time with him. I readjust my black uniform skirt and smooth out my white button up shirt and vest. I pull on my grey sweater and then take it off again. I take extra care in braiding my hair making sure to snag all the flyaways. Rue returns from the showers and gives me a smirk. She doesn't say anything though and I'm glad. I'm not ready to confront whatever these feelings are or what they aren't.

Yesterday morning I was nervous to spend the day guiding him around the campus and I was determined to squelch down these traitorous feelings that he seem to have sparked but by the time we parted ways I couldn't stop myself from wanting to protect him and wanting to get to know him. Today is Friday and I won't be required to help Peeta out over weekend but I'm hoping that if today goes well maybe I'll offer to help him study in the library. Being with him seems to keep my own lonely thoughts from overwhelming me and I feel a strange calmness I haven't felt since coming here.

We have English and History before lunch today with Professor Coin. I shudder at the thought of that woman. Coin is strict and I think downright cruel. To her teaching here is more of a prison sentence than a calling. Whereas Haymitch's goal is to actually help students to become better people, I honestly think Coin's goal is to torment us as much as possible. She also likes to pick on certain people more than others. I'd rather not attend her class if at all possible but at least I'll have Peeta to take my mind off of things. I shake my head to myself as I come upon Peeta's door. I really need to get my head on straight. I knock on the door and then wait a few minutes before knocking again.

I hear something fall over and then a "oh shit" through the door.

"Peeta?" I ask through the door, "Are you okay?" When I don't get an immediate response I push the door open a crack and peek in. "Peeta?" He's on the floor one leg in his pants one leg out his face is either red from embarrassment or pain, I'm not sure which. "Are you okay?" I ask as I fully enter the room and then shut the door.

"Oh, I'm uh, fine." He says but his eyes are unable to move from the floor. "I just overslept and was trying to get dressed quick before you got here," he shrugs his arms.

"Do you want me to give you a hand up?" I ask him. He sighs dejectedly before thrusting his cast through the other leg of the pants and pulls them up to fasten them. He nods that he's ready and I scoot over so that he can put some of his weight on me and pull him up. He's unsteady on his feet so I lean him back into his desk chair so he can compose himself a bit. "Are you sure you are alright?" Just as the words escape my mouth I see blossoms of blood blooming on the arm of his white dress shirt. "Peeta you're bleeding!" I point it out to him.

He looks down at his arm for a minute "oh," is all he manages to utter. I grab some tissues from a box by the bed and kneel in front of him and unbutton the cuff of his shirt and fold it back. His wrist has a series of small uniform cuts along it, nothing really deep, but too uniform to be accidental. I bring my eyes to his. His blue eyes are clouded in shame and sadness and he drops his eyes from mine and looks away. I don't say anything about them just roll the sleeve up to his injury further up his forearm. I clean up the cut and see that he must have caught it on the drawer when he fell. The cut is jagged and bleeding pretty good.

"Peeta?" I say his name softly like I would if I was dealing with an injured animal. He keeps he eyes away from me. I keep one hand with the tissues on his wound and use my other to turn his face to me. "Peeta," when his eyes meet mine I can feel my heart beat faster, "This is pretty deep, I don't think you'll need stiches but you'll at least need some antiseptic and a bandage." He simply nods in response. I'm worried that he's going to shut me out; he hasn't said anything since I've seen his cuts. I want him to understand that I don't judge him but I'm not great with words. My cheeks burn when I realize we are just sitting here staring at each other. "I just… I won't… I won't tell anyone I mean." I stand from my kneeling position and tuck an errant piece of hair behind my ear. He nods his head, his eyes never leaving mine. "You okay to walk to the nurses?" He stands on his foot and I hand him the crutches. It's too hard for me to keep pressure on the wound while he's walking so I have to let go and I miss the contact immediately. I pick up his bag and sling it over my shoulder with my own before opening the door for him.

We walk all the way to the nurse's office in silence. "Good Morning, Peeta, Katniss." The nurse greeted as she glanced at them before she finished writing a note in a file. Katniss helped Peeta to an exam table and turned to the nurse who looked at her in confusion. "Here's your pill Peeta." She moved to offer him the pill. She didn't catch site of his injury until he tossed back the water to swallow his medication. "Oh, my, what happened?" She asked as she immediately donned a pair of latex gloves. Katniss took a step back in attempt to slink away and give him some privacy. When he didn't answer the nurse she quickly swabbed the cut with antiseptic and swiftly butterflied it closed and topped it off with a bandage. "Peeta," he finally looked up to her, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." His voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear his response.

"Why don't you lie on back and rest for just a few minutes okay? I'll have them bring you some breakfast here before you head off to class. Do you need a pain pill?" He simply nodded and she retrieved one from her desk. After he'd taken the pill she pulled the curtain closed and they had a short hushed discussion. The nurse reappeared a few minutes later and laid a hand on Katniss's shoulder to guide her to the chair in front of her desk. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was at his door picking him up to bring him here when I heard a crash from his room, when he didn't answer me immediately I went in to check on him. He'd fallen when he was attempting to get dressed and caught his arm in the fall." Katniss began to tug on her braid, something she did when she was nervous.

"Are you sure that's what happened?" The nurse asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you mean? Yes that's what happened." Katniss answered confused by the line of questioning. She stood to leave when it dawned on her what the nurse was referring to. "He didn't do this to himself intentionally you know, really."

The nurse smiled at her with a nod. "Okay, I just had to be sure. He gave me the same story you did." I am just about to leave when she asks "Could you bring him back something, maybe something like toast or a bagel, nothing too heavy? He'll need it before that pain pill gets in his stomach." I nod and hurry off to get something.

The cafeteria is full with the morning rush and I hurriedly slap a bagel with some cream cheese and a glass of juice on to a plate. I catch Rue giving me a wary glance over at a table and I walk over to let her know I'd see her in class. I don't go into much detail because apparently Delly and Johanna have decided to join Rue this morning in my absence.

"Hey Katniss," Rue smiles and waves.

"Hey," I nod to the others; I try to keep my voice as light and airy as possible. "I can't stay I've got to drop this off in the nurses' office. See you in English?" I can see the questions in her eyes but she just smiles and nods.

"Just don't be late Katniss!" She warns as I hurry back out the door.

When I return to the Nurse's office she's dealing with a younger girl who was apparently not feeling well. She smiles and just nods for me to take it to him. I quietly slip behind his curtain. Peeta's lying semi-reclined on the cot, his eyes closed. He looks so much younger when he's still like this and grief isn't etched on his features. I clear my throat softly to see if he will wake to eat anything. He starts a little at the sound. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump." I tell him softly.

"It's okay; I was just resting my eyes." He says with a soft smile. I'm glad to hear him talk to me and that he can manage a smile even if it's a fake one for my benefit.

"The nurse wanted you to get something to eat before class so your pills wouldn't make you sick." I say as I slide the tray on the bedside table and then wheel it over to him.

"Thanks," he says as his cheeks blush red.

He pulls apart the bagel before eyeing me again, "Aren't you going to go to breakfast?"

I shake my head, "Nah, I'll just wait for you to finish up so we can't get to class on time. We can't be late for Coin's class, I don't think she'd give me a pass even if I was helping a gimp," I nudge his leg with a smile at the joke.

He smiles back at me and simply hands me half the bagel. We eat in amicable silence before the nurse okay's Peeta to attend class. I retrieve our bags and lead the way to class. Coin's room is unfortunately on the third floor along with the library so it's pretty tiring on Peeta. Thankfully we make it before the bell tolls and a heard of students can trample us. I enter the class room to find Coin standing next to her desk waiting giving me a cold appraising stare. "Peeta Mellark," she nods at Peeta who nods in confirmation. "I'm Professor Alma Coin. You may address me as Professor Coin. I will be your teacher for English and History. "She hands me a history text book and syllabus in addition to two or three chapter books and an English syllabus to hold for Peeta. "Owing to the fact that Katniss," she says my name with disdain, "will be helping you for a few weeks I've assigned you a seat next to hers, but you had better pay attention and try to keep up." She dismisses us as she points to his assigned seat. We are both in the front row, Peeta's to my left. I hate that I have to sit in such close proximity to Coin. I'd much prefer to retreat to the last seat and hide.

Every student is in his or her seat long before the tardy bell rings. Everyone knows that you can't be late for Coin's class. Without preamble she begins her English lecture and we all sit attentively. I do try to pay attention as best as I can but her voice is monotonous and she seems to not have any passion about anything she discusses. My mind can't quit wandering to the boy sitting next to me. I'm still contemplating our exchanges this morning when Professor Coin calls on me.

"Katniss?" She asks as she stops in front of me with her hands on her hips. She stares down at me and I feel about an inch tall.

I look up at her and gulp "Y-Yes?" I stammer out. I hadn't heard what she was discussing at all so there is not pretending that I was.

"Did you even hear a word I said?" She asks her voice laced with disbelief and anger.

I shake my head; I can feel the flush creep up my cheeks in embarrassment. "No Ma'am" I mutter softly.

She huffs in anger her voice growing louder as she addresses me "I _asked you_ what dramatic irony was and if you could identify an example."

I'm so nervous and at such ill ease that I can't think. I can hear the blood rushing through my ears and my heart is pounding. I cannot stand being the center of everyone's attention and I wish that the floor boards would just swallow me whole.

"I don't honestly understand what is going on inside that head of yours Ms. Everdeen but I scarcely doubt that it's much." She chuckles a bit at her own joke and a few of the classmates that she actually favors laugh along with her.

I shrink down in my seat and swallow the lump in my throat; I can feel the telltale burn in my eyes as tears threaten to spill down my cheeks. I do not know how I am going to make it the rest of the morning with this heinous bitch. I contemplate running from the room but I don't want to seem like a coward. I can just imagine how much she would love to see me stick my tale between my legs and run.

Eventually she moves on to ask someone else a question and I let out a shaky breath. I unclench my fists that were clenched on the desk and I realize that I'm shaking. For History we are grouped into pairs to begin work on an essay about the Rise and Fall of Nazi Germany. I'm thankful that this will be a project that will not directly involve Coin lecturing us. I'm paired up with Peeta and I stand to move my desk closer to his so that we can work together. I pull open my book and I can see that my hands are still shaking. I'm startled from my reading as a warm hand takes my hand in his. I look up to see Peeta's blue eyes meet my stare and they are full of understanding and sympathy. He gives it a warm squeeze before letting go. I immediately miss the warm comfort but we get started on the project.

Just before the end of class Coin makes her way over to our desks and begins to hover. I feel Peeta pull my hand in his underneath the desk and it immediately calms me. I focus on his thumb that's tracing small circles on my hand and my heart beats faster for an entirely different reason. I find it hard to keep a smile from forming on my face and I school my features to one of concentration. I never thought I'd ever smile in this class. The bell rings a few minutes later and Coin moves to her desk to bark out reminders for our homework assignments. I wait until the last possible minute to let go of Peeta's hand and actually wish I could draw out the period a few more minutes if it meant I could hold his hand just a bit longer.

I want to thank Peeta but I don't know how. As we make our way to our lunch table I see that Delly and Johanna have once again sat with Rue. I squelch down my disappointment that it won't be just the three of us. Peeta makes polite talk with Delly who is much too chipper for my liking. I can't help but hope that Peeta doesn't fall under her charms. I scoff at myself, irony at its finest. I was the one suggesting to Haymitch that Delly should be Peeta's helper after all. How's that for an example of irony? Stuff that one in your smoker and cook that Coin I think as I stab at a soggy French fry viciously.

Peeta continues answering Johanna and Delly politely but I can see him watching me out of the corner of his eye and he looks at me in question. I just offer a small smile and a shrug. After lunch we have an hour of "reflection time" or as it's known as in the normal world, study hall. Since it's too much of a trek to go back up to the third floor to the library with Rue and Delly we retreat to a small porch until we are scheduled for group.

We pull out our copies of The Scarlet Letter and try to read our assignment for Coin's English class but I find I am having difficulty concentrating on the text. I play out my thank you to Peeta in my head but I can't figure out how to say it. Before I can muster up the courage to voice this it's time for group. We're stuffing our notebooks and books back into our bags and as Peeta hands me his I try to pull it from him but he holds tight. I stop and look up at him and am surprised when he brings his other hand up to my cheek. "Are you okay?" He chews his bottom lip nervously as his eyes peer searchingly into mine.

"Yea I'm okay, I mean I wanted to say thanks for.. for…" my face is on fire, I don't even know how to say hold my hand.

"Anytime Katniss, I know you'd do the same for me anyway." I smile and nod in agreement. "And man is Coin a bitch or what?" We laugh and he drops his hand from my face and finally releases his bag for me to carry. I can't help but stare at his blue eyes and how they seem to twinkle with his laugh, he seems so different from the quiet boy I found on the floor this morning. And I find myself wondering at the enigma that is Peeta Mellark.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shattered**

**Chapter 6**

_A/N: Happy Friday! I hope you all enjoy this update! It's hard to write lovey/angsty stuff when you are feeling the exact opposite! This chapter tackles some pretty heavy emotional stuff just a warning in advance! Next chapter will be a bit lighter!_

**Peeta**

I've successfully distracted myself from my own demons for almost an entire day. As we settle into our circle of chairs for my first group session I suddenly feel guilty for not thinking of Rye. I shouldn't be smiling or feeling my heart flutter at the site of Katniss or enjoying holding her warm delicate hand in mine.

Katniss must sense my change in demeanor as she leans in to whisper in my ear. I can feel her breath on my neck and her hair tickles my ear, "Are you okay? Do you need me to get you a pain pill?" She must have assumed that my grimace was one do to physical pain. I can't help but like that she noticed and cared enough to ask. It's the most connected I've been to anybody since the accident.

I shake my head in response, "nah, I'll be alright. Thanks though," I tell her as I catch her grey eyes staring back at me in concern. I break her stare only when Cinna enters the room, he smiles in my direction and makes a beeline for me. I've been waiting for this, ever since I was at the nurse this morning and she kept asking me questions about the marks on my arm. Cinna smiles warmly at Katniss and I see she smiles genuinely in return at him. It's one of the few genuine smiles I've seen her give to anyone.

"Hey Peeta," he says as he squats to kneel in front of me, "how are you doing?" His voice is low and I am thankful that Katniss is looking in another direction pretending to look for Rue.

"I'm fine." I tell him and for the first time in a long time I feel like I might not really be lying.

"Listen I know we aren't scheduled for anything today but do you think you could swing by my office before dinner?" As nice as he is I know it really isn't a request. I suck my lip in and bite down on it and just nod my head. "Great, I'll see you later then." He pats my leg and stands back up to greet the rest of the group.

The group is pretty much our entire class, eighteen or so students sitting in a large circle with Cinna in the center. "Good afternoon everyone," he begins as he makes eye contact with each student. "Today I'd like to begin our session with a little relaxation exercise to get things started. Lean back in your chairs and let your head fall back, close your eyes and focus on breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth." I feel a little ridiculous doing this but everyone else in the room complies with Cinna's instructions so I follow along and close my eyes. His voice has a melodic quality to it and it strangely comforting. "Breath in and out, in and out," he continues. "Now I want you to imagine a place where you feel calm, nothing can hurt you here, no one can see this place so make it a true reflection of what you want, now imagine that you are sitting in this place right now. Now breathe in and out, in out." Cinna continues this mantra for a short bit and by the time he asks to open our eyes I feel like I could almost take a nap. "Now that we've had a little bit of time to relax and rid some of the stress from the morning let's begin. I want to discuss relationships today. "

I can see some to the other kids shift uncomfortably at the mention of this. "I'm not necessarily talking about romantic relationships," Cinna smiles knowingly, "though they are included. I'm talking about relationships in general. Relationships are a vital part of our emotional well-being. Healthy relationships can make us feel satisfied and content, unhealthy relationships can make us doubt our self-worth. Now I want you to take just a minute and think of the best relationship you've ever had that you think was healthy. Past or present tense doesn't matter. I want you to tell me who that was." He points off to one person in the circle and then the next.

When its Katniss's turn she shifts nervously in her seat and tugs on her braid, "Um… my sister, Primrose," she mumbles quietly. I'm so focused on her response that I almost forget that it's my turn to answer.

I let out a slow breath "My brother, Rye." Cinna simply nods before going on to Rue, then Delly and then Johanna.

When everyone has answered he continues, "That's great everyone. Now I want you to think of the unhealthiest relationship you've ever head, past or present." Again we go around the circle and I'm starting to panic. I don't really want to voice the truth. How sad is it that my most unhealthy relationship is probably with my own damn mother?

"My mother," I hear Katniss's response and I'm momentarily pulled from my own worries. I'm still starring at her with my mouth slightly parted when Cinna prompts me to give an answer.

My eyes catch her grey ones when I respond, "My mother." I see her catch her breath in surprise and I find that I'm having a hard time pulling my eyes away from hers. When I finally do I see that there are quite a few people staring at us and I even see Cinna looking at us peculiarly out of the corner of his eye.

"Now I want you to think about that healthy relationship and think about the aspects of it that you think made it a good relationship. I want you to write these down on these slips of paper I'm handing out." He walks around the room handing out blank sheets of paper and pencils. "Go ahead and write five things that you can think of." For a while all you can hear is the rustle of papers and the scratching of the pencils.

Rye, I gulp and then let out a shaky breath trying to focus. Okay, what made our relationship so good? I can feel the tell-tale burn of tears but I swallow them back not willing to break down in front of a group of strangers. Trust I could trust him with anything and he wouldn't go back and tell our mother or think I was crazy. I quickly scratch that down on to the paper. We listened to each other, and he seemed to always understand my thoughts, sometimes more than I did myself. So I scratch out communication and understanding. I need two more characteristics and I shake my good leg as I get nervous.

"Okay that's enough." Cinna announces, "If you don't quite have five that's okay." I stop shaking my leg and focus back on Cinna. "Now for the hard one," I can hear few grumbles in the group. "I want to you to think of the characteristics of your unhealthy relationship that made it unhealthy. I want you to write as many of those down as you can."

I'm starting to realize I don't really like group. I thought I was having an okay day after my rough start. I was able to avoid dwelling on Rye and the accident and my family issues, but here I am confronted with all of it all inside of twenty minutes. I think of my mother and immediately feel betrayed. She just dumped me off here when I could have used support. I sigh and jot down abandonment, no understanding, no compassion, demeaning. "Okay that's good for now." Cinna says as he looks at the clock. "Now I want you to draw a line between the good relationship and the bad relationship characteristics you've listed. Now I want you to use this as a guide. Examine relationships you currently have and see if the characteristics of that relationship fall more to the healthy or unhealthy. If the unhealthy outnumber the healthy then you need to free yourself from that relationship if at all possible. Okay, that concludes our session for today. Good job everyone and have a great weekend!"

Immediately everyone stands up in a flurry of activity and conversations. Everyone seems to be making plans for the weekend. I feel a little out of place. Aside from having my appointment with Cinna I have nothing planned and nowhere to go. Rue who is sitting on my left must sense my hesitation as she moves closer to Katniss and I.

"Hey Peeta, they are showing a movie in here tomorrow night, there usually pretty lame but Katniss and I come down here to make fun of it and eat the popcorn anyway, you should come with us!" I can't help but smile at Rue with her eager brown eyes, I think she's standing on her tip toes she's so excited.

I look at Katniss who's smiling nervously. "Okay, I'd like that."

"Great, I'll see you then. In the meantime I'm going to go drop off my books and get changed for dinner duty. See you in a few Katniss."

Katniss waves to Rue as she bounds from the room. "Still on dinner duty huh?" I ask her as she takes my bag without hesitation.

"Unfortunately, but at least it's my last shift. Monday I get rotated into laundry." She grumbles well naturedly, "Be thankful you've got that thing on your foot so you don't have to do shifts yet."

I smile back at her, "Well it won't be long then, I'm going next Friday to get it removed." I can see her smile dip a little bit at this. "Don't worry though; I'm still going to need your help getting around this place." I give her a little bump with my arm and I see her smile reappear.

We walk back to my room chatting about nothing important. She leaves me at my room with a promise to help me at dinner when I get there. I sit at my desk and lay out all my books and assignments for the weekend. I don't have time to get started on any before I have to meet with Cinna before dinner but at least it will give me something to do tomorrow until I can meet up with Katniss and Rue. I definitely will need some sort of distraction.

I feel nervous as I knock on Cinna's door. I hear him tell me to come on in. He's putting away his papers from group and he offers me a smile. "Hi Peeta, have a seat." He pulls out his own chair and plops down. "So what did you think of your first group session?" He asks and he seems genuinely interested in my opinion.

I shrug, "It was okay I guess, different."

He smiles and nods in understanding. "So how are you adjusting to Panam after your first few days of classes? You have any questions or concerns or anything?"

"No, everything's been okay so far. Katniss has been a ton of help getting around." I tell him hoping he'll drop his line of questions and I can get out of the room.

I'm not that lucky of course, "Good Peeta, I'm glad to hear things are going good for you here. Looks like you've only got another week before you'll be getting around on your own and then we can move you up to the dorms with the other guys and get you started on work rotations." He pauses for a minute and stands from his chair and moves to the chair next to me on the other side of his desk. I swallow nervously, he seems to come closer when he has something serious to discuss. I don't want to handle anything more serious today. "Peeta, when a student has an injury or someone notices something that might lead them to worry about your safety; they have an obligation to report it to me." I know where this is going so I shift my eyes to the other side of the room. "The nurse told me you had some strange marks on your arm when she cleaned up your cut this morning, may I see it?" He finishes his sentence so softly I have to really listen to hear him.

I turn my eyes to him and lean forward in the chair and offer him my arm. He turns my hand over to unbutton the cuff, his hands are warm and gentle. He carefully folds up the cuff to the elbow where the nurse's bandage lays. He squeezes my hand softly. "Peeta, there are certain procedures I'm required to follow. I don't think you were trying to commit suicide but I do think you have been doing this to yourself. I think this falls in line with our previous discussion about panic attacks and needing that pain, am I right?"

I bite down on my lip to keep my emotions from betraying me. I'm scared of what the repercussions are going to be for this. Cinna is quite for a moment before he continues, "Take deep breaths Peeta, slowly." I hadn't even realizing that I was breathing so heavily. "I'm not going to hurt you I promise. Anything in here is between me and you okay?" I nod to him as I try to purposely slow down my breaths. "Now I need to know Peeta, do you have any more marks anywhere else on your body?"

I look away unable to meet his eyes. My response must be enough. He takes my chin gently in his hand and brings my eyes back to his. "Peeta, I'll need to see all of them okay? I'll need to photograph them just to document this, nothing more okay? The only other person who will view them is the nurse." I think my whole body is shaking or maybe it's that my heart is hammering so hard that it wants to come out of my chest I'm not sure which. "Peeta can you take off your shirt please?"

I can't do this, but I know he won't let me leave until I do though. I shakily undue my other cuff and then begin to unbutton my white dress shirt. I can't stop the tears now as they spill from my eyes. This is just too much; I feel so ashamed and embarrassed and scared all at the same time. I toss off the white dress shirt and I'm left in only an undershirt. Cinna nods at that one so I pull it up and drop it on top of the other. I cross my arms protectively in the front and begin to sob. "It's okay to cry Peeta, let it out." He hands me a tissue and pulls his chair right up to mine. He puts a warm hand on my shoulder and just waits quietly for me to collect myself. I pull myself together after a bit and mop up my face the best I can. Cinna walks around asking about specific injuries and whether they were the result of the car crash or not. "Peeta, now I'm asking you, do you have any others on your legs or anywhere else?" I shake my head vehemently hoping I won't have to strip completely. He nods in acceptance and takes out a camera to photograph all of my injuries and then makes some notes in the file. "You can go ahead and put your shirts back on Peeta." I hastily pull on the undershirt and my dress shirt not even bothering to button it. "Have you harmed yourself since I saw you last?" I shake my head in response. Surprisingly I haven't wanted to. I want to even less after seeing Katniss's response to the cuts. Cinna simply nods and marks that down as well. "Have you thought anymore about something that you might use instead of the pain when you feel this way?"

I shake my head; I seriously doubt anything can pull me back when I'm on the edge like that. Cinna nods and continues "I want you to try and think about that over the weekend okay? Do you have any plans for your weekend?" He asks lightly.

"Um, homework and I'm going to meet up with Katniss and Rue for a movie on Saturday night," I mumble.

"Good that sounds like fun. Rue and Katniss are wonderful girls; they'll make nice friends Peeta." I can't decipher the look he's giving me but I just nod in agreement.

"Okay, you can go ahead and go back to your room now or to dinner if you feel up for it. Do you need another dose of anxiety medication or pain pills; you've had a pretty rough day I think?"

I shake my head. I don't want to do anything other than crawl back to my room to hide. "Okay then, just remember Peeta, if you feel like you need to talk you can come see me anytime okay? There is always a member of staff on patrol during the evening and they can get ahold of me, okay?" I simply nod and stand shakily to my feet. He opens the door and gives my shoulder a squeeze before letting me out.

I return to my room and plop down on my bed letting my crutches fall to the floor in a loud clatter. I try to gather my thoughts and my emotions and try to get a handle on them but this day has been exhausting and I can't seem to stop, it's all so overwhelming.

I'm alert enough to realize that my heart is pounding and I'm starting to sweat, I'm breathing a little faster and I can't believe that after my horribly embarrassment in Cinna's office just a while ago I'm already contemplating how I can pull myself out of this frame of mind before I slide all the way into a full on meltdown. I'm glancing around the room looking for anything I could use to help when I hear the knock on the door.

"Peeta? Peeta its Katniss. Are you okay?" I swallow and try to calm down enough to answer that I'm fine that I'm just tired but I can't seem to make my mouth cooperate. Part of me just wants to yell out that no I'm not okay, I'm not okay at all and I never will be, but I can't do that either.

Katniss must take my lack of answer as an invitation to open the door because I see the handle turn. I put my head in my hands in an effort to hide my face from her; I don't want her to see how much of a basket case I really am. I'm going to scare her away for sure and I suddenly realize with alarming clarity that I really just want to _know_ her. Even after meeting her just a few short days ago the thought of her leaving me is almost too much to handle.


	7. Chapter 7

**Shattered**

**Chapter #7**

_A/N: Can't believe we are already on Chapter 7 of this fic! Hope I didn't leave you all hanging too long. Just did another massive update on my other story Peeta's Solution, must be because I'm procrastinating doing the things I should be. Hope you like this part from Katniss!_

**Katniss**

The moment my eyes catch his as he sits brokenly on his bed I know that I am lost. The fight I had been desperately waging with myself to keep him an arm's length away has been forfeited. His eyes are not the bright blue I've grown accustomed to when he laughs or smiles at me, instead they are so dark they are nearly black. I cross his room in a few purposeful strides and gather him into my embrace without even asking his permission.

His body is trembling from head to toe though he makes not a sound. I keep him locked in my embrace and gently sit on his lap. I feel one hand grip my hip, his fingers clinging so desperately to me that it's nearly painful. His other hand is clenched into a fist so tight his fingers are white. I lean my forehead on to his and long for him to look at me. When he doesn't I take my hand and lay it gently on his shaking fist. I slip my other arm from around his neck and turn his hand over and gently pull apart his fingers. Slowly he releases his grip and allows me to flatten his hand. I gently run my fingers over the crescent moon shaped marks that mar his flesh from his fingernails. I feel his breath hitch but he still won't bring his eyes to meet mine.

I'm desperate for him to open up to me. I want him to know that I won't leave him if he won't leave me. I bring his hand to my lips and place feather light kisses on each of the marks. I feel his breath hitch again. He's nearly panting in an effort to hold himself back. I place his newly freed hand on my other hip and slide my arms back around his neck. I whisper softly into his ear, "it's okay Peeta, let it out. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

I feel his grip tighten on my hips; at this I lean back a little and hook my finger under his chin to bring his eyes up to mine. The amount of hurt and pain that are swirling in the depths of his eyes makes my heart break. In this moment I would do anything to ease his pain, wipe the agony away and replace it with joy. I'm not sure where these feelings manifested from. I'm not sure how they came to grow so fast for this man but I'm done fighting it. The fact that Peeta hasn't screamed at me to leave or shoved away my advances hopefully means my feelings are reciprocated, or at least one day they may be.

I whisper to him again, "Peeta, let it out. If you let it out I promise you will feel better." I kiss his forehead and continue, "I won't tell a soul." My hands are resting on either side of his face and he brings up one of his to cover mine.

His eyes begin to well up with unshed tears and he bites his lip as his chin starts to quiver. "Promise you won't leave me?"

His plea sounds so desperate, he sounds so young, almost childlike and my heart clenches at the thought of anything hurting him, I have an urge to protect him much like I do Prim. "I won't leave, I'll stay with you, and I'll be here whenever you need me."

"Promise?" He asks as the first tear spills over onto his cheek.

"Always" I whisper into his ear. Now is not the time for me to withhold myself from him even though I'm afraid that in the light of day he'll realize his mistake and run to someone better, someone who deserves him. But these are my demons and I will put them on a shelf for some other time.

His trembling increases a little more so I pull his face to my chest and stroke his hair and back soothingly. Finally a sob breaks free, and I can feel my shirt grow wet from his tears. I continue holding him and trying to sooth him. I hum a tune I used to sing to my sister when she was scared or anxious. Though he is silent in his grief I know he is still crying by the nearly imperceptible shake of his shoulders. Silent tears are always the worst, you cry silently when you're trying to hide your grief from everyone so that you aren't a burden. I've caught Prim at on more than one occasion and I know I'm guilty of it too.

Eventually his grip on my hips loosens and he wipes his eyes with his sleeve. I move to pull the box of tissues from beside the bed but he latches onto me as though he fears I'm bolting from the room. I lay my hand over his and speak gently, "I'm not leaving Peeta, I'm just getting the tissues, I promise." He let's go of me slowly and I unfold myself from him and find I'm a little stiff from sitting in such an unnatural position. I grab the box of tissues and I am shocked when I catch site of the clock on the bedside table. It's almost 8. Curfew will be starting soon. I can only hope that Rue doesn't come looking for us right now when she notices my absence, or worse yet a staff member hell bent on keeping kids in bed. I pull a few tissues and hand them to him. He won't look at me and my heart lurches a little in worry that he'll withdraw back into himself again. He blows his nose and tries to slowly calm his breathing. I retreat to the bathroom and fill a cup with water and wet a cool washcloth.

When I return to his room he brings his eyes back to me and I offer him a small smile. He closes his eyes in exhaustion for a moment before opening them again. I wordlessly hand him the glass of water and he takes a few small sips before shakily handing it back to me. I place it on the bedside table within easy reach and pull his blanket down from his pillow and push him to move up on the bed. He moves without hesitation, his trust is with me to guide him at the moment. When he lies down I pull the blanket back up over him and sit on the edge of the bed. He pulls one of my hands into his and with the other I wipe his tear stained face and sweaty forehead with the cool cloth.

I know better than to say anything to him right now, if he wants to talk he will. Instead I offer him my comfort simply by my presence and my unwillingness to judge him for whatever has brought him to this point. I don't think him weak or crazy; he's simply lost and stricken with grief, kind of the way I feel if I stop to acknowledge it. I lay the washcloth to the side and gently wipe my hand from his forehead into his thick blonde locks. He closes his eyes and offers a look of contentment at my touch.

I can't help the little jump I give when there is a knock on his door. His eyes open in a wild look of terror. "Shh… it's okay Peeta. I'll see who it is, but I promise I won't go anywhere okay?" I have to pull my hands from his forcibly in order to move to the door. I open the door a crack and block the view of the room with my body in case of some nosy spectator. Instead I find the worried gaze of Rue.

"Katniss, is everything okay?" I open the door just enough to squeeze out in the hall.

"Everything is okay Rue. It's just um…" I tug nervously on my braid unsure of how to reassure Rue and keep my promise of secrecy to Peeta.

"Katniss?" Lost in my thoughts I'd never heard him approach. "Everything okay?"

"Cinna?" I tug on my braid in earnest and bite my lip. I glance nervously at the slightly ajar door.

"Yes everything is fine it's just…" Cinna looks from me to the door and back to Rue, comprehension seems to dawn in his eyes.

"Is he okay? I mean he is physically fine yes?" I feel my tension ease with his deep soft voice, I realize he probably more than anyone else is aware of Peeta's precarious state and he's giving me an out.

"Yes, he's fine." Rue looks at me with concern but I know Rue will not ask question. Where I seem to have a difficulty letting others in or trusting someone's intentions Rue seems to trust so easily.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't I walk Rue on up to your dorm and have a word with Professor Coin and the staff on for tonight, I'll tell them you'll be returning promptly to your dorm at ten after a meeting with me?"

My eyes must go wide at his offer, to knowingly give me permission to remain in Peeta's room, unsupervised, after hours especially, is unheard of. He reads must read my surprise in my face because he chuckles lightly. "I trust you Katniss. Just be sure to be back at your dorm on time. I'm sure Coin will be waiting for you personally okay?" I nod in understanding and I feel a little bit of warmth return to my cold limbs when I realize I won't have to abandon Peeta for nearly two more hours.

"Thank you Cinna." I manage to shake myself from my stupor enough to thank him for his help and generosity. He puts his arm gently around Rue's shoulder and leads her down the hallway. He glances back at me with a knowing look in his eye and a small smile. I can't help but think that Cinna knows something I don't.

I push Peeta's door back open and close it quickly. I lean against back against the wood before I bring my eyes to Peeta, the heat floods my face when his eyes catch mine. I smile timidly and I feel a little more self-conscious in his presence than I did earlier.

"Who was that at the door?" Peeta asks, his voice coming out soft but a little more steady now that he's had a few moments to calm down.

"Rue was coming to find me, apparently Coin is on patrols tonight and she didn't want me to be late. I'm sure Coin would love a legitimate reason to punish me for once." I try to inject a little bit of humor into my voice before continuing. "Cinna stopped by," at the mention of this he abruptly turns his eyes away from me and begins to pinch the bridge of his nose. I immediately sit perched on the edge of his bed and pull his hand gently into my own, "I didn't tell them anything I swear." His eyes travel to wear is hand is in mine and my heart surges when he laces his fingers through mine. When he brings his eyes back to mine I continue "Cinna's going to cover for us for a bit, we've got until ten before I have to be back."

He glances at the bedside clock, "Almost two hours huh?" I see a ghost of a smile on his lips and I'm glad that he's happy about spending a little more time with me. "What are we going to do with all that uninterrupted time?" I can tell by the quirk of his eyebrow that he's joking and when a laugh escapes his lips it's husky and _sexy_. My body responds instinctively and I shift a little closer to him, I've never felt like this about anyone. My body is tense with nervous energy, it's exciting.

"Don't you wish Mellark!" I try to play along with his joke but I can't help but fantasize about what his lips would feel like pressed up against mine. I see something flash behind his eyes at my response but I'm not sure what.

He shifts over and pulls himself into a sitting position against the headboard and tugs me closer so that I can sit alongside him. My entire body is pressed up against him and the heat makes me feel like I'm on fire. I rest my head on his shoulder and he leans his head on top of mine and I feel so comfortable like we were made to fit this way.

We sit in companionable silence for a bit before he breaks the silence, his voice so quiet I nearly don't hear it. "I don't deserve you." I whip my head around so fast that my braid smacks me across the face.

I want to speak to him, to tell him that I feel the same way about him but my words fail me. I simply shake my head at him in disagreement before laying back in my previous position and start tracing my thumb on his hand. "I'm sorry you had to see me that way, it's just I have a hard time dealing with things lately and sometimes the weight of it is just so…. crushing that I can't deal with it. I feel like I'm suffocating, being buried alive. "He pulls his hand from mine and at first I think he's retreating but instead he pulls his arm around my shoulders and I lay tentatively on his chest, wary of his bruised ribs. I inhale his scent, masculine but yet sweet and so very _Peeta_. I listen to his words as they rumble through his chest interrupted only by the sound of his steady heart beating against my ear. He gently plays with my hair as he continues on "Those marks…that's how I pull myself out of it, otherwise I would have lost it entirely. Until tonight that's how I dealt with it, so thank you for that."

"Peeta, you don't have to thank me for anything. I would gladly do it again a million times over. We all have demons Peeta some of us more than others." It's easier to talk to him this way when his piercing eyes can't see right through the façade I put up for the world. He squeezes me a little bit as a response and I close my eyes in comfort.

My eyelids begin to droop; his steady heart beat and warmth are lulling me to sleep. I feel a ghost of lips on my head as he whispers, "Katniss, it's almost ten. You should go. I don't want Coin giving you a hard time."

I begrudgingly get to my feet, if I had my way I would lay curled up there for the rest of the night tucked in the warmth of his arms. I straighten my clothes before he takes my hand in his bringing it to his lips. His eyes never leave mine as he places a soft kiss on my hand. It's just a small kiss, a small gesture of gratitude but I feel it like a spark, I feel it all the way to my toes. I smile at him and make my way to the door, "See you tomorrow?" I ask bashfully.

His response is soft but firm, "always."


	8. Chapter 8

**Shattered**

**Chapter #8**

_A/N: Thank you for all of your kind words and reviews on the last chapter. I was especially proud of how it turned out. I wanted to get this out to you all sooner but I'm having trouble getting in the right frame of mind. I also know that I'm touching on some pretty heavy mental health issues so I want to be sure I approach them in careful and thoughtful way. I hope this chapter doesn't leave anyone too disappointed._

**Peeta**

I wake up on Saturday morning to sunlight streaming through the bars on my window. It's the first time I've slept through the night in a long time, at least without the aid of sedatives, and I feel rested in a way that's nearly foreign to me. A quick glance to the bedside clock shows I've slept later than I realized, it's after ten. With a pang I realized I must have slept through breakfast and I hope that Katniss doesn't think I avoided her intentionally.

All it takes is one thought of her and my mind latches on to that train of thought for all its worth. I can't help but smile when I think of her. The way she tugs nervously on her braid or when she chews on her lip while she thinks, and especially when I think about how she took care of me last night. I get a shiver as I remember her soft touches, the heat of her breath on my neck as she reassured me that she wasn't going to leave. I feel a surge in my groin as I remember just how soft her lips where as she laid her lips on my hand.

I take a long hot shower and dress in khaki shorts and a t-shirt thankful for the reprieve from the school uniform. I crutch down to the nurse's office for my morning anxiety medication but decline the pain medication, the rest seems to have eased my aches tremendously. I make my way to the dining area and am able to snag a banana and a granola bar and tuck them into a pocket on my shorts before the food is cleared away. There are few students still milling about as they finish up their breakfast but I don't see Rue or Katniss so I decide to return to my room and work on my homework assignments to get them out of my way.

I've just finished writing my essay for English when I hear a knock on the door. My heart begins to thump in my heart in hopes that it might be Katniss and I feel oddly deflated when I answer the door to see Cinna.

"Hi Peeta, may I come in?" He asks and I step back and allow him to come in. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, pretty good I guess," I say as I crutch back over to my desk.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. I'm not going to question you about last night unless you feel like bringing it up in our next session, so don't worry. I actually just wanted to stop by and make sure you were alright because Katniss mentioned she didn't see you at breakfast when I saw her this morning," he says as he leans casually next to the wall by the door.

"I actually overslept," my face reddens in humiliation.

"That's a good thing Peeta, you need to rest." I nod in agreement at his statement. "Actually I wanted to make sure you were going to get something for lunch. Katniss had to go to the headmaster's office to take a personal call so I thought I'd see if you wanted to join me?"

I swallow down my disappointment. At least I will still see Katniss and Rue at dinner and then for the movie, at least I hope I will. I look up at Cinna trying to see if I can tell anything more from his demeanor but he always wears the same careful expression. "Yeah okay I guess."

Cinna gives me a genuine smile and moves to hold the door open for me. We make our way to the lunch room in silence and he helps me get some soup and salad before we pick a table near the windows to eat. He eventually breaks the silence to make small talk, "How are you coming on your assignments? Are you able to keep up or are you lost?"

I swallow my vegetable soup and shrug, "It's not too bad, same old stuff we did at my other school."

He nods in understanding, "Well that's good at least. I just don't want you getting too overwhelmed if they were covering something you hadn't done yet."

After lunch he parts ways and I return to my dorm to finish what I can of my homework. As the hours progress I find my attention begins to slip more and more. I read the same questions over and over but don't comprehend anything in their meaning. Instead I think about Katniss and why this girl didn't go running for the hills when she saw me last night. I wonder about who she is and I realize I don't know much about her other than what I've been able to observe first hand. I find myself wanting to know everything and anything about her. Why without having known her more than a few days I feel like I can trust her with things I haven't even been able to admit to myself.

I give up and toss my book back onto my pile of half completed assignments and decide to get around for dinner. After splashing some water on my face in attempt to clear my head and a dab of cologne I hear a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," I announce to the door. When a pair of large brown eyes peeks in I have to swallow down my disappointment and try to smile, "Hey Rue, what's up?" She smiles timidly and opens the door the rest of the way before coming in.

"Katniss sent me to get you for dinner. She said she's sorry but she wasn't feeling up to eating." My eyebrows knit in worry at her words.

"Is she okay?" I ask as I follow her out of the dorm. Rue won't meet my eyes as she leads me to dinner. "Rue?" I prompt again. The worry must be evident in my voice because she stops walking to face me.

She bites her lip and shifts nervously from foot to foot. I place my arm on her shoulder and she sags in defeat. "She told me not to say anything, not that I know much but… she had a call this morning."

I take my hand from her shoulder and run it nervously through my hair. I can tell from the tone of her voice that the call wasn't a good thing. I stay silent willing her to continue. "Well… from what I gather her mother has signed over all parental rights to her and her sister… and well… something about Prim being adopted by the foster parents she has and moving away. She didn't really want to talk about it but she's pretty upset."

I'm not sure how to take the information because I know nothing of Katniss's predicament or even how she ended up at this school. I don't want to pry the information from Rue because it's not her place to tell me, the story is Katniss's and I want to hear it from her if and when she is ready to tell me. I can gather enough from Rue's admission that Katniss hasn't handled the news well at all.

When Rue starts walking again I join her. We settle down at a table with Delly, Johanna and a few other guys Rue introduced as Thresh and Thom. They seem nice enough and I try to appear interested in their easy banter. Rue keeps eying me suspiciously as if she can tell that my thoughts stray to the empty chair beside me even though I don't mention it. After we eat Rue clears the tray and I think her for helping me get some dinner. I can't imagine trying to crutch to a table while balancing a tray of food. I will be happy to be rid of these things and move under my own volition again. The thought enters my mind and automatically the guilt creeps right in behind it. I shouldn't be walking, hell I should be in the casket right along with my brother or better yet instead of my brother. It's my fault he's dead.

I'm startled from my thoughts when Rue places her hand on my shoulder. I'm startled to realize that the group has dispersed to make their way to the movie. "You okay?" She asks softly and I can see why Katniss has befriended this waif of a girl. She's intuitive but she doesn't push.

I nod and try to force a smile. "Yea, I guess I'm just a little worried about Katniss. Do you think… I mean… "My face gets red as I have trouble getting the words out.

Rue smiles her knowing little smirk, "Third floor, last door at the end of the hall, room 305. I'll cover for you if anyone asks, just don't get caught." She winks as she walks away to follow the others to the movie.

I take a deep breath and steel my resolve. Katniss helped my last night in a way I didn't know was possible and if I can help her in any small measure I owe it to her to try. Even if she tells me to go away at least she knows that I'm there for her.

I time my trek up the stairs carefully, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to be in a girls dorm so I don't want anyone catching me hopping up the stairs. As soon as I can hear the speakers of the movie start in the meeting room I take my chances and head for the stairs. The halls are all dimmed and I am thankful for the shadows tonight. I hop as quickly as I can up the first flight of stairs so that I will be hidden from any last minute stragglers to the movie or any staff member that may be prowling for students. After I manage to catch my breath I take the second and third flights at a more manageable pace now that I'm not so worried of someone seeing me. I suppose if anyone caught me I could claim I was going to the library, though it might look a bit suspicious since I don't have any of my assignments on me and I'm not even sure if its open.

The effort of trekking this far has made my old injuries ache a little and I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants and brush my sweaty brow on my sleeve before trekking down the third floor hallway to the girls dorms. When I reach the hall I turn to face the door and… pause. I raise my hand to knock a few times and each time I chicken out. Surly if Katniss wanted me to know anything or wanted my comfort in any way she would have sought me out right? I mull this over but decide I didn't exactly seek out her comfort last night either. I just raise my hand to knock when the door is thrust open and she is standing before me.

She takes a step back in surprise. "Peeta?" She hastily wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her hooded sweatshirt. Her braid has come loose in spots, her eyes red rimmed and puffy from her tears. Her feet poke out of her long lose pajama bottoms but I've never seen her look so vulnerable or so beautiful. "What are you doing here?"

"Um… I was worried about you. And then when I didn't see you and Rue mentioned you weren't up for dinner… are you okay?" I finally bring my eyes to hers and I can see her eyes flicker as she takes in the situation. I gulp nervously as the silence stretches on and I immediately think I should just bow out gracefully but I can't seem to move my feet that I rooted to the floor.

"You didn't have to check on me." I notice she dodges my question.

"Well you took care of me last night." I drop my eyes in embarrassment and turn to leave.

I feel her warm hand on my forearm, "Peeta, wait." I stop and turn back around to face her. She seems to be indecisive for a moment before she steps back, "you want to come in?"

"Okay," I crutch past her and she shuts the door softly behind her. The room is an almost replica of mine except there are two of everything and no bathroom. I can immediately tell her side of the room by her unmade bed and blank walls. Rue's on the other hand is impeccably clean but she's adorned her walls and her space with things that are infinitely Rue. A few photos of family and friends, places torn from magazines, and even a few pages of poetry copied carefully down on to paper.

I stand in the middle of the room unsure where to go when Katniss moves from behind me to her bed. She pats the spot next to her and I crutch a little further before I shakily sit down on the bed and lay my crutches on the floor. She must notice my arms shaking because she lays her hand on my forearm. "Are you okay? You're shaking."

I give a nervous laugh and rough my other hand through my hair, her hand still grasps my arm and I feel a jolt of energy in the touch. I bring my eyes up to hers and give her a small smile, I tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear and she tilts her head into my hand. I palm her cheek in my large hand and rub my thumb softly against her cheek, "I'm fine Katniss, just tired from the stairs is all. " She closes her eyes momentarily at the comfort of the touch, "Are you okay?"

She lets out a loud sigh and she drops her hand from my arm bringing her arms to cross in front of her. "Yeah I'm alright; just a shitty day is all." I can tell from her body language that she is closing herself off, shutting me out and I don't like it at all.

I pull my hand from her cheek and put a finger under chin to gently ease her eyes back to mine, "It would be okay if you weren't alright you know. You don't always have to be strong Katniss. " Her eyes are welling with tears and I'm not entirely sure if I've said the right thing or not. I release my hold on her chin and she immediately drops her gaze again. She pulls herself back to lean against her headboard and pats the spot next to her. I shift my weight and pull myself to sit alongside of her.

I can feel her warmth the length of me, any part that is touching her seems hyperaware of any movements and immediately my pulse quickens in response to her proximity. I don't break the silence; I just sit here alongside of her in the quickly darkening room, the only light the small bedside lamp. I hear a sniff and then suddenly I can feel her shaky movements as her tears begin in earnest. She shoulders shaking in quiet sobs and the sound breaks something inside of me. I place an arm around her and draw her closer to me. She turns and buries her face in my chest clutching at my shirt and bunching it up into her tight fist. I bring my other arm around her and smooth her hair back off her forehead and rock her gently. I've never been good at talking with girls and the only experience I have with a crying female is my mother and I don't care to think the girl in my arms could in any way be as cold and unforgiving as that woman. I'm not sure what's guiding me as I comfort her only that whatever it is it feels natural and I smile a bit as I think that maybe Rye is helping me along.

In her own time she calms and her deep shuttering breaths even out. Her voice is so quiet when she begins I have to focus to hear her. "I don't have anyone anymore. I'm all alone."

I swallow thickly at her pain and can't help the tear that escapes my own eye. I pull her face up to look at me, "You have me Katniss, if you want me."

She looks at me and then shakily moves her hand to wipe at my tear, "Promise?"

I smile sadly at her, "Always."

Her arms snake around the back of my neck and I can feel her sweet breath on my lips. I lower my head slowly giving her the chance to turn away, when she doesn't my lips catch hers softly. Her lips are warm and soft and melt into mine, the kiss is soft but encouraging and over too quick, when we break a part we both are a little breathless. I pull her into a tight hug and I both hear and feel her muffled thank you into my chest.

She pulls back and takes my hand in hers. She clears her throat before she begins, "A few months ago my father was killed in an accident," she fights back the emotion in her voice to continue. I give her hand an encouraging squeeze for her to continue, "He was our rock. He loved my mother and my sister and I more than anything. I didn't realize it at the time how lucky I was to have the life I did. When he passed away something in my mother died too. She shut down completely. She didn't speak or move, I guess you'd say she was catatonic. That's what the doctors called it anyway." She pauses to take a few more breaths, "Things got bad quick. I did what I could to take care of her and my sister but I couldn't deal with the legal stuff for Dad's settlement and insurance stuff and word got around to the neighbors about my mother. The next thing I know Child Protective Services comes up and carts my sister and I away while they loaded my mother into an ambulance. That was the last time I saw my mother." I can't help but replay the last time I saw my mother in my head and I can't help but think both of us got the short end of the stick as far as mothers go.

"My mother and I were never very close. I was a tomboy and spent most of my time with my father. She always wanted me to be more proper and she tried to push me into things I didn't like. But when they took us away my resentment at her grew ten-fold. After a week or so when they could settle all the legal matters they sold our family home, institutionalized my mother and sent me here with the remains of the money. Prim ended up with this really nice couple in foster care and they simply adore her. She sends me letters every week, Prim." The tears are back again and I take my other hand and cup her cheek again. "This morning I was called to the office for a phone call, my mother is being released from the hospital." My own selfish thoughts fear her returning to her mother simply because already I cannot bear to lose her.

She starts to sob again and I pull her to me and crush her against my chest. I run my hands soothingly over her back as I listen to her anguished cries, "She doesn't want me." It takes a moment for her cry to register in my brain. I pull her back and look into her eyes questioningly, "she signed away her paternal rights to me and Pr.. Prim."

"I'm so sorry Katniss. " I return her to her hug and rock her, stroking her hair and her back and murmur to her how sorry I am. I know all too well how it feels when those you call your family, those that should love you unconditionally would rather cut their ties to you.

"I always thought she'd get better and I'd get to be with Prim again. Or even if I could graduate I could try to get custody of Prim so we could be together… but now that my mother has signed off on us altogether… that couple has moved forward to adopt Prim. They want to… to… take her with them when they move at the end of the summer."

Her eyes have dried and I think she has cried herself out of tears. Her body sags in exhaustion against mine and I hold her tightly both for her reassurance and mine. It strikes me that though the circumstances leading us to this school and this abandonment are completely different, that we are both very much alone. Perhaps that's why we were drawn to each other from the beginning. Two souls seeking out comfort in another wayward soul, my ideological side wonders if perhaps her father and Rye aren't in cahoots somewhere nudging us together.

I've held her for hours as she bared her soul to me and I'd rather stay here with her wrapped securely in my arms where I can protect her but I know that I'll need to leave soon if I don't want to get caught. I lay her back against her pillow and pull her blanket up to her chin. I lay a soft kiss on her forehead and softly caress her cheek and stand achingly to my feet.

Her grey eyes peek out at me, "Thank you for taking care of me Peeta."

I give her a small smile before I lean and whisper into her ear, "That's what we do you and me. We take care of each other." She surprises me when she leans up and captures me in a soft kiss before lying back down on her pillow. "Get some rest Katniss I'll see you tomorrow."

I flick off her bedside lamp and plunge the room into darkness and leave her room. When I open the door I see Rue sleeping against the wall by the door. I instantly feel guilty for her discomfort as I lean down and softly shake her awake, "Rue, go on in and get some sleep." She rubs her eyes and nods before I move on. I carefully make my way down the stairs my ribs and muscles aching in the effort. When I reach the bottom of the stairs the first thing I realize is that I don't hear the noise from the movie. In fact everything is eerily silent.

I continue on my way and I realize it must be really late if Rue had managed to fall asleep outside of her room after the movie was over. I'm sure I'm breaking all the rules by being in Katniss's dorm this late but hopefully I'll make it back to my room without anyone find out.

Of course my luck wouldn't be with me. When I round the final corner by my room I find Coin waiting by my door hands on her hips and I know that I have been discovered. My exhausted brain tries to quickly come with an excuse or some sort of alibi for my whereabouts. One look at Coin's face and I can see that no matter what my excuse is Coin isn't going to let me off the hook, I take a deep breath and continue on to face her, resigning myself to accepting her wrath and whatever punishment she want to throw at me. As long as she doesn't find out that I was with Katniss than I don't care what she does to me. Being with her tonight is worth anything Coin is willing to hurl at me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Shattered**

**Chapter #9**

**You Really Have No Idea the Effect You Have On People**

_A/N: Okay I know it's been a while (hides in the corner)… don't hate me! I hope you enjoy this chapter as we get to see a little bit more of both Peeta and Katniss and how everyday trials and tribulations affect them. I hope to update soon as I have some free time at work for the next few days =)_

**Katniss**

The sun finally managed to peak through the drab grey clouds by Sunday morning. Though Katniss would almost prefer the gloomy sky back, it seemed to match her melancholy mood. When she went to Peeta's room on Sunday morning to escort him to breakfast he was nowhere to be found. Instead she joined Rue who told her in hurried little whispers about what she had heard while using the bathroom.

"He's sitting inside Snow's office; Coin was waiting for him when he got back to his room last night." Rue's eyes were wide with worry as she spooned oatmeal from her bowl.

Katniss merely stirred her thick oats and shoved them away with disgust. Any thought of Coin would do that to her appetite. She was half expecting Coin to come bursting into the dining room to haul her away too. Obviously Peeta hadn't disclosed his whereabouts or Katniss was sure she'd already be on dish duty. Her heart ached for Peeta. He was only trying to comfort her and look where it had landed him. He was still new here and he didn't understand that making enemies with someone like Coin wasn't a good idea. She could make your life hell if she wanted too.

"Katniss?" Rue's questioning voice drew her out of her musings. She looked up at the girl who was trying to get her attention with a sorry expression on her face. "Are you okay? You haven't said a word?"

Katniss shrugged her shoulders. "I just hope he doesn't get into any serious trouble because of me is all."

Rue pressed her lips together into a fine line, she looked like she wanted to say something but she kept her thoughts to herself. Another reason that Katniss got along so fine with Rue, she seemed to know when to voice her disapproval to Katniss and when to keep her mouth shut.

"Well we'll know soon enough I suppose." After a beat she continued, "I don't think they'll do much to him, it's not like he's capable of standing in the kitchen washing dishes, and he's new so I'm sure they'll go easy on him."

Katniss couldn't help the sinking feeling that they would in fact punish him, especially if Coin had a say in it. She just hoped it wasn't more than he could handle. She had to find some way she could repay him. She found herself opening up to Peeta last night in a way she couldn't have imagined, short of maybe her father or her sister. His quiet condolences and soft touches had made her feel like maybe she wasn't entirely alone in the world.

She hadn't seen Peeta at all on Sunday. She stopped by his room before lunch and dinner but it was always vacant. With each passing hour without him she felt even more weighted down by the consequences of their rule breaking last night. With nothing to occupy her time Katniss churned out a heart wrenching letter to her sister. She admitted that she felt abandoned and hurt by her mother but she told Prim that she was happy that she could have a home and that she had people that genuinely cared about her. She promised that when she graduated they would catch up and she begged Prim to keep in touch with her.

Katniss dropped the letter off first thing Monday morning on her way to Peeta's room. She half expected him to still be missing but when she rounded the corner by his room she saw him nervously adjusting his bag leaning against the wall by his door waiting for her. When his eyes caught sight of her they lit up immediately and Katniss couldn't help the relieved smile that spread across her face.

"Hey," he greeted her softly as he began to crutch his way towards her.

She struggled with getting words out for a minute before they came, "I was so worried!" When they finally met in the middle of the hall she threw her arms around his shoulders gently, careful not to throw him off balance. He brought one arm around her and rested it on her hip keeping her close for a moment. She could smell him, the hint of his deodorant, the smell of his toothpaste, and a smell she couldn't quite identify that made him, _him_. She could feel his breath warm on her neck and they stood like that for a few minutes each drawing comfort from the other. Words were unnecessary. Just knowing the other was there was more than enough to chase away the demons for the moment.

Finally he broke their hug, "Let's go get some breakfast. I'm actually hungry and I don't want to be late for Haymitch this morning." They trudged their way to the dining hall area and Katniss stopped when he headed away from the nurse's and instead was making a beeline for the cafeteria.

"Don't you need to go to the nurse?" She asked somewhat confused.

"Nah, I've already been there and back this morning." Katniss couldn't read his tone of voice and the thought that he was navigating on his own seemed to make her feel uneasy. Though she knew it would be only a matter of days before he was freed from his crutches and casts and wouldn't need her, it still bothered her. If he needed her than he wouldn't abandon her she reasoned. She didn't voice any of these concerns to Peeta however; she instead followed him along into the lunch line and piled their tray with food before sitting down to a quiet breakfast with Rue.

Katniss yearned to find out what had exactly happened to Peeta Saturday night and where he was all of yesterday but she didn't feel comfortable bringing the conversation up where they might be overheard. She even wondered if perhaps Peeta didn't want to share with her what had happened at all. They left the dining area early and the three traversed the stairs to Haymitch's classroom.

Class seemed to take an eternity to pass. Her chair seemed hard and unforgiving and try as she might she just couldn't get comfortable, she just kept fidgeting one way or the next. She did try diligently to keep pace with whatever Haymitch was discussing but she did little more than that. Instead her eyes were drawn to the green lawns and the edge of the forest that were bathed in sunlight. She yearned for the first warm days of spring and even the unbearable heat of summer, to be out in the woods and away from the confines of such a rigidly controlled life. She imagined taking Peeta's hand and leading him into the woods for a few minutes of unguarded privacy and freedom, without the rules of the school. She knew it was against the rules to leave the grounds, but she still couldn't help but daydream.

Haymitch must have noticed her wandering train of thoughts, but he thankfully did not call her out on it. She could only imagine had it been Coin's class the verbal assault she would have received. She tried to collect her thoughts and rein them in but it was easier said than done. She truly did like Haymitch as a teacher and didn't want to displease him with her lack of will power.

When Katniss deposited Peeta off for their afternoon session of PE after a quick lunch they still had said little to each other, neither of them wanting to discuss anything too deep with so many around. Katniss longed for a moment alone with him and for the first time ever in her life she thought about how you might go about finding alone-time with a boy.

Owing to the sunshine that had split the grey clouds class was actually held out on the grounds. The air was still chilly as winter refused to give way to spring. Katniss dressed in her assigned sweats and joined her classmates for roll. They began their class by taking a long lap around the grounds to warm up. The terrain was far from flat. The school was set back on an old estate that featured rolling hills, thick forestry and even a few ponds and springs.

If she hadn't felt so trapped here perhaps she would have once considered the area to be beautiful, serene and pristine, untouched by the industrialized world. There were no other signs of civilization as far as she could see apart from the school. The cold air made her lungs ache and her legs burned as she rounded the circular route. She was far from out of shape but it had been sometime since she had run such a long distance. Many of her classmates were falling behind. A few were sprinting far ahead, easily out pacing her in the weak afternoon sun.

Katniss overhead a snippet of conversation from the runners in front of her, a quick glance to his bright blonde hair and she confirmed her suspicions of the voice's owner, Cato. He was talking to another of his buddies.

"Yea so I heard they were on the phone with his mother for like an hour and all she did was scream the whole time, it was on speaker so the whole wing heard it." Katniss felt herself peak with interest, she kept up her pace if only to listen a little bit longer, the pace was killing her, but her curiosity was urging her on.

"So I heard not only did they take away his privileges they also are making his serve detention time with Coin every night instead of being unsupervised." Cato finished with a breathy laugh. Though her heart was pounding Katniss couldn't explain why it felt like her heart has inexplicably stopped beating altogether.

She couldn't help but believe the rumors that Cato had been spouting off about, little in the school happened without someone finding out and the rumor mill was vicious. Students and staff alike were compressed into such a small area that they latched on to any type of entertainment even if it was shallow and hurtful. Katniss wondered how Peeta would handle dealing with Coin for detentions and how mean she might be to him. Beneath this anxiety and her worry over Peeta and his predicament was an underlying sense of anger. Why hadn't he told her any of this? Was he embarrassed? Did he not want her to know? Did he not want someone to overhear him talking to her?

Katniss was so worked up in her inner turmoil that she finished her run right behind Cato. He turned in surprise to see that she had finished right behind him. He raised an eyebrow of disbelief though he didn't say anything to her. After catching her breath she sat down to stretch and after a small amount of time Rue joined her. Delly was the last to join their little group, she was huffing and puffing and generally out of shape. She flopped unceremoniously on the ground and protested about the unfairness of it all. Katniss forced a smile across her lips and pretended to sympathize with Delly's plight, anything to take her mind off of Peeta.

After their run and stretching, their instructor, Seneca Crane, paired them off into two teams for a quick scrimmage of soccer. Katniss wasn't particularly into soccer but her sudden anger and frustration with and at Peeta suddenly seemed to have fueled her competitiveness. She ran back and forth and actively tried to engage in the game. She could hear her team mates cheer her on and even Seneca's shouted some compliments from the sidelines.

She was playing a full back position at the end of the game when a big burly senior named Gale took possession of the ball. He was quick and agile, definitely in shape and had experience dribbling the ball. He was confident and a bit cocky about his abilities and there was nothing more loathing to Katniss at the moment than a cocky jock. The grass they played upon was still wet and muddy the more their feet dug into it. Time seemed to slow as Katniss watched Gale's approach and she evaluated his movements with the skill of a hunter. Which way would her prey run? She saw the mud churn off his shoes, the thin sheen of sweat on his skin, she saw his eyes dart this way and that trying to judge which way he could get by. He towered over her and he far outweighed her but Katniss was not to be beaten easily. Just as he reared back his leg to kick the ball toward the goal she found herself sliding forward to slide tackle the ball. The ball didn't move. Instead both players fell into a crumpled heap onto the field.

Katniss felt a throbbing in her ankle that seemed to bring her back down from her anger induced tirade, now she just felt tired, and sore. She took stock of Gale who was lying on his side his eyes squinted in pain as he grabbed his knee.

Before she could say or do anything she was surrounded by Seneca and a group of gaggling students. The throbbing in her ankle dulled a little with time and Gale was able to sit up and flex his leg. It was sore but not unbearably so. Seneca sent them both off to the nurse's for evaluation. She hobbled off the field alongside Gale and they were both nearly to the building before she spoke.

He spoke at the same time, "I'm sorry". It seemed to tumble out of both of them hurriedly as they both seemed to want to hurry up and apologize and get it over with. Katniss couldn't help but smile at their awkwardness. She had never spoken to Gale nor had Gale ever spoken her and she felt nervous in his presence.

"That was some game… Kat isn't it?" He asked her as they traversed through the halls to make their way to the nurse's area.

"Katniss actually," she mumbled to him as she tugged on her braid.

"Gale, "he said and offered her a small smile.

"I know," she replied as her face flushed with embarrassment.

They continued to make small talk as they made their way through the halls to the nurse. She actually found him surprisingly easy going and she didn't have a hard time talking to him. Turns out they actually had a few things in common, including an apparent competitiveness on the field.

When they reached the nurse it was obvious that she had been forewarned of their arrival because she had two bay's already prepped. Gale limped to one and Katniss to the other. Katniss caught a glimpse of Peeta from his desk in the corner where he wrote his essays. She caught his eye for a moment, he was giving her an odd look but she couldn't decipher it before the nurse twitched the curtain closed and began her examination.

Sometime after dinner Katniss was finally released from the clutches of the well-meaning, yet overbearing nurse to finally shower and change back into something not caked in mud and sweat. By the time she returned to her room she was starving but she was thankful that Rue had the foresight to swipe her some food and leave it for her on her desk. Katniss readily ate as she worked on her homework assignments battling the exhaustion of the crazy day.

Rue returned from the library sometime before curfew and plopped down on her bed. "How's your ankle?"

"It's fine, just a little sprain, I just have to take it easy for a bit." She said as she closed up her math textbook and slid it to the side of her desk. She turned to face Rue who was hanging upside down off the edge of her bed very Rue like way.

"What happened out there today? I didn't know you were such a soccer fan?" She turned upright and was suddenly serious, her eyes were appraising though warm and friendly.

Katniss shrugged, "I guess I just got caught up in the moment."

"Mmhhmm," Rue chortled as she laughed.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with that tall, dark and handsome now would it?"

Katniss's draw dropped, "No!" Rue laughed as Katniss struggled for words. "His name is Gale, and he's actually really nice, but no it had nothing to do with him. I've never even talked to him before today." Katniss had turned down her bed and slipped into her comfortable sleeping pants and a large t-shirt for bed.

"Well Peeta sure missed you a dinner tonight. He seemed uncomfortable with Delly and Johanna. Of course it didn't help that Gale stopped by to see if I'd heard from you or not."

Katniss turned her eyes on Rue, "He did?"

Rue just shook her head. "You really have no idea the effect you can have on people. " She yawned and stood to put on her nightgown. She flicked off her bed and gave her a soft goodnight before turning towards the wall to sleep.

Katniss stayed awake for a while in the darkness contemplating Rue's words. She had no idea what they meant but the exhaustion from the day was wearing her down and eventually her eyelids drooped down and she fell into an exhausted sleep oblivious to anything else.


	10. Chapter 10

**Shattered**

**Chapter #10**

_A/N: I just want to thank everyone for reading and all the reviews you have taken time to leave. I just want to take a moment to sooth any of your fears of this being anything other than Everlark. In the end, for me it at least, it will always be Katniss and Peeta. As for Gale being introduced to the story… I don't foresee him turning into a big character. Really at this point we are just getting to see some of the issues and fears that plague both Katniss and Peeta, I just don't see either of them even paying anyone else a second glance now that they've found each other. Anyway, I hope you like the way this is progressing. _

_I want to apologize for the length of time in between updates recently (hangs head in shame). I was disheartened at my lack of skill when it comes to writing and couldn't bring myself to start again… there are seriously gifted writers out there and I was literally blown away! _

_Also on a random note I'm not sure how to respond to individual reviewers here on so if someone would like to let me in on that I'd more than happily respond to you all individually =) And… I have almost the next two chapters planned out and started! Yea ! Feel free to distract me on tubmlr! Chasechick is my s/n._

**Peeta**

Peeta was staring at the ceiling when the buzzer on his alarm went off on Monday morning. He reached over and silenced it with a quick slap of his hand. He hadn't slept much the past few days. The night Coin caught him she literally grilled him for hours trying to pin something on Katniss, she kept trying to trip him up and get him to admit to something, but he was used to being grilled by a cold calculating woman, that was old hat to him.

First thing on Sunday he was dragged into the Headmaster's office and given another lecture by the Headmaster as Coin sat in the corner with her arms crossed with a small smirk upon her face. They had called his parents and caught them just as they had returned home from church. Unfortunately it was his mother who had answered the phone call and the tirade she spewed over the phone was uncomfortable and even embarrassing. Coin's eyes seem to dance with delight with all the ammunition she was gleaning from the call.

After the call he was dangerously close to slipping down into a panic attack. Snow seemed to realize that he was about to lose control of the situation so he excused himself and dragged Coin along with him leaving Peeta to stew in his own anger. When the door opened twenty minutes later Peeta tensed his shoulders waiting for the tongue lashing to begin again, he jumped when a soft hand landed on his shoulder offering him a comforting squeeze instead. When he brought his eyes up he met the kind gaze of Cinna, he didn't look angry but concerned.

He gave Peeta a small nod and sat down in the chair next to him and shifted it slightly so he could face him. He just waited, remaining silent and waited for Peeta to make the first move. Peeta relaxed a little in his comforting presence and took a few deep breaths. "So what happens now?"

A quick smile flashed across Cinna's face in amusement before he turned serious again, "Right to the point as usual aren't you? They treat the rules here very seriously Peeta, they have to. Dealing with such a different group of young people all bottled up together can get out of hand quickly if they didn't keep things that way. Alma Coin is a stickler for those rules and not someone you want to cross."

Peeta thought he heard a trace of anger in Cinna's voice but he must have imagined it because when Cinna continued it was in his same soft baritone voice. "You will sit with Coin each evening after dinner and she will walk you to your room at curfew each night until you get your cast off, then you will be moved to the regular dorms and from what I gather they will place you with someone that will be responsible for reporting you the moment you step out of line." Peeta nodded his head slowly, nothing he didn't expect so far. "Make no mistake Peeta they are going easy on you only because you are new, break the rules again and they will not go easy on you."

"Understood," Peeta responded solemnly.

"Now, how are you handling this whole situation, from what Snow mentioned the phone call with your mother was pretty… dramatic, care to talk about it?"

"Nothing I haven't ever heard before, I'm fine." Cinna simply nodded and then squeezed his shoulder as he stood to leave.

"The headmaster will be back to speak with you, I'll see you tomorrow for our scheduled appointment Peeta." And with a soft click of the door Cinna had left taking Peeta's calmness with him.

And so Sunday progressed first he was lectured for hours, then they eventually sent him back to his room where a sandwich and apple waited for him. He had been ordered to complete all of his homework assignments for the next day's classes. Though he didn't want to anger them any further and provoke any further punishment he still had a hard time reigning in his mind in to focus on the task at hand. His thoughts seemed to drift on so many different tangents that he would often look at the clock to see time had lapsed without him realizing it. He had missed dinner but his stomach churned at the thought of food so he remained at his desk. It was late by the time he closed his last assignment and his eyes were drooping in fatigue.

Even exhausted he didn't sleep any better Sunday night worrying how about how Katniss handled his absence. He couldn't help but smile in relief when he finally saw her Monday. He wanted to spill everything to her then and there but he didn't want to worry her and he certainly didn't want the entire school picking up on it. Furthermore he didn't want Coin to realize the depth of his relationship with Katniss; he had a distinct impression that things would get infinitely worse if she caught wind of how much the two had come to depend and care for each other. He tried to be conscious of how he appeared around her when they were around others, though he kept finding his eyes drifting over to look at her and he often caught her questioning gaze lingering on him.

He ached to tell her what had transpired after leaving her room that night and the reason he wanted to appear more distant when they were in view of others but an opportunity hadn't seemed to present itself. He was working up the urge to tell her when she had led him down the shadowy corridor to the nurse's area but his tongue seemed thick and glued to the roof of his mouth. His heart clenched in a painful ache as she darted away to her class with her eyes trained on the floor. He didn't want to hurt her, he only hoped she knew how much he really cared for her.

He leafed through a few generic health magazines perusing through their glossy pages to find an article to read and summarize for his required essay to substitute for his lack of physical activity. Busy work was all it was and Peeta couldn't seem to find anything that pulled him away from his troubling thoughts. He sighed in frustration and nearly tore a page completely from one of the magazines causing him to swear under his breath.

The nurse was busy with a younger student and merely quirked her eyebrow at him before turning her attention back to the student. Peeta finally settled on an article about the importance of varying your type of exercise and the benefits that one might reap from it. It was mostly information he had known for some time. He'd endured countless workouts alongside his brother trying to unsuccessfully increase his prowess out on the fields to anything that resembled Rye's natural athletic grace. The thought of his brother caused his eyes to prick with unshed tears but he blinked rapidly and held them back.

He was half way through scribbling a hasty summarization on the article when the nurse received a phone call and not a few minutes later in limped a bedraggled looking Katniss alongside a tall muscular boy. Peeta's eyes raked over Katniss trying to discern if her injury was anything serious and his heart seemed to calm when he didn't notice anything terribly out of place. Just as that panic had left a new one settled right in its place as Katniss laughed at something the dark haired boy had said. Her eyes seemed alight with amusement instead of pity or the questioning glances she'd spared him today. He managed to catch her eye only once before the nurse pulled the curtain between them and he couldn't determine if she was happy to see him or indifferent.

His heart seemed to thump in his chest, the blood rushed through his ears. He hastily finished his essay with a shaky hand and left the magazine and paper on the nurse's desk. He slid his messenger bag over his shoulder and crutched to his room to deposit it upon his bed.

He wanted nothing more than to just curl up in his bed and shut out the world. Retreat into himself and not deal with it but he knew if he didn't show up for his scheduled session with Cinna the therapist would no doubt come looking for him. So Peeta crutched down to his office door and knocked on it before he could think more about it.

Upon entering Peeta simply nodded at Cinna and plopped down in the comfortable chair trying to feign indifference. Cinna just peered at him as he finished putting a way another file and Peeta shrugged his shoulders as he felt Cinna's examining stare. It was unnerving, like he could see the thoughts that he was trying to hide.

"Something bothering you Peeta?" Cinna asked as he leaned against his desk.

Peeta shrugged his shoulders, "Nothing more than usual." He began to rub the back of his neck to ease some of the tension that had begun to knot his muscles.

Cinna merely nodded. "Okay." He was quite a moment before he changed his topic altogether. "So, how have you been feeling since Sunday? No panic attacks or anything of that nature?"

Peeta just shook his head and Cinna retreated to his seat behind his desk and began to sift through some papers. "Looks like only a few more days and you'll be out of that cast and able to get around a little better, bet you're looking forward to that huh?"

Peeta simply nodded his head unenthusiastically. Without the impediment from his injury what if Katniss no longer felt obligated to accompany him and instead moved on to someone that wasn't a sob story? Someone like the dark haired boy she'd been laughing with earlier.

Cinna seemed to sense Peeta's distraction but didn't call him out on it. He simply made small talk with Peeta for their allotted time before letting him go with a promise to see him at their next session. Peeta returned to his room momentarily before he headed to the cafeteria. He had hoped to catch Katniss before heading to serve his time Coin for the evening. He reasoned he'd explain to her what had happened whether or not they were alone. He didn't want her to think he was pushing her away or being purposely vindictive or cruel. He had to make things right between them.

His heart sunk when he spotted Rue with a few of the others that frequented their table, but one was noticeably absent. He sat quietly in the seat next to Rue who offered him a kind smile and jumped to get him some food without a word.

When she returned he offered her a quiet "Thank you." He kept his eyes on the stew and quietly ate his meal as Rue jumped right back into the conversation without missing a beat. The others eyed him cautiously but no one said a word to him, and for that he was grateful. Coin observed him from her post in the corner of the room rarely taking her probing eyes from him. Though he wasn't hungry he took slow small bites to draw out his dinner time as long as he could in hopes that Katniss would make an appearance.

The towering dark haired boy from earlier approached the table with a gruff "hello." Most of the group offered him genuine smiles of greeting. He addressed Rue, "How's Katniss? She's okay right?"

Rue looked at Peeta before flicking her eyes back to the boy and offering him a small smile, "Hi Gale, I haven't seen her since she limped off to the nurse's. I'm sure she's fine though, she's a tough one that girl."

Gale, so the stranger's name was Gale. Gale offered a deep throaty laugh at Rue's insight, "That she is, nearly took my leg off this afternoon. Will you tell her I asked about her and that I hoped that she was okay?" Rue smiled and seemed to blush a little as she nodded her head in agreement before he rushed off.

Peeta had frozen at the exchange and he only realized that he had a white knuckled grip on the edge of the table and a clenched jaw after the others at the table decided they were finished with dinner and stood up to leave. Rue waited behind waving at the group as they exited the door. She cast a wary look at Coin who was making her way through the tables to Peeta.

Peeta saw Coin's approach and gave up the charade of dinner and shoved his remaining food away. Rue piled the garbage on her tray and leaned into his ear and rested her hand on his shoulder as she whispered quickly, "Everything will be fine Peeta, you'll see."

With that she flitted away and disappeared out the door just as Coin's shadow fell upon him. "Up Mellark let's go, I've got things to do."

He stood slowly and gathered his crutches to follow her as she angrily stalked out of the room. She didn't wait for him to get out the door and it nearly slammed on him as he reached it. He had to lean on it and hop awkwardly through. They stopped at his room to retrieve his bag and assignments before continuing on to the staircase.

Coin quickly ascended the stairs not bothering to see if Peeta needed any assistance. When she got to the top of the third stair well he had only crested the first. "C'mon Mellark quit dawdling and get up here or so help me…"

By the time he reached her he was sweating profusely with the effort, Coin's face was an angry shade of red. She stopped tapping her foot and huffed in indignation before turning on her heal and leading him to her room. He plopped down in his seat grateful to be off of his crutches. He wasn't sure what to expect from this punishment but he figured he would work on his assignments until it was time to return to his room. Not so bad.

Of course he hadn't figured on Alma Coin's methodology for punishment either. The room was quiet with the occasional shuffle of papers or the scratch of a pen as he worked on his assignments and she graded papers. "So, you killed your brother eh?"

Her words nonchalantly slipped out breaking the silence. At first he thought he had heard her wrong, "Excuse me?" He asked.

"I said," she over annunciated herself and stood up to approach him stopping right in front of his desk. "You killed your brother?"

Peeta leaned back in his chair flabbergasted by her question. He rubbed the back of his neck as his blood pressure rose rapidly and he broke out into a cold sweat. "Wh-What makes you say that?" His voice shook with his effort to remain calm.

"Well your mother pretty much seemed to think so yesterday when we spoke with her. I can see why she is ashamed of you, killing off the better male specimen and all." Peeta swallowed thickly and tried desperately to hold on to the tears that were trying to escape. He did not want Coin to see she was getting to him. Her words however, seemed to cut him deep, they were words he'd told himself thousands of times in weeks since the accident. His mother had even muttered the accusation at him when she was on her alcohol induced tirades following the funeral. Others like Cinna and Katniss and even Haymitch might be the type to try and convince him that it wasn't his fault that sometimes things like that happen for no apparent reason, but what if they were wrong? What if it really was his fault?

Coin watched him with a sickeningly pleased look upon her face. Deciding she'd done what she sought out to do she sauntered back to her desk to continue her paperwork in smug silence. Peeta didn't move the entire half hour left of their time and still hadn't spoken when she'd dropped him off to his room at curfew.

Finally alone, Peeta collapsed on his bed and drew his knees up to his chest and began to weep quietly, the crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks unchecked and soaking into his pillow. He longed for Katniss to burst into the room and wrap her slender arms around him to reassure him of his innocence but the thought that he might have already lost her made him cry even more.


	11. Chapter 11

**Shattered **

**Chapter 11**

**Crumble**

_A/N: I was happy to get this chapter out, especially as I had an exceptionally busy day and worked 18 hours yesterday and will have another long night ahead of me tonight! I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

Tuesday morning dawned bright and cheerful and though Katniss was tired from tossing and turning for a majority of the night she couldn't help but be buoyed by the turn in the weather. Most of the girls were still asleep so Katniss took advantage of the solitude of early morning and took a long hot shower easing her aching muscles and combing conditioner through her long tresses.

She toweled off and wrapped herself in her robe before emerging into the steamy bathroom. She brushed her teeth quickly all the while examining her face in the mirror. She looked from side to side to see if she looked any different. The same grey almond shaped eyes and prominent cheek bones starred back at her; she couldn't discern any physical difference, but she definitely_ felt _different. She no longer had the gaping hole in her gut that had often kept her awake every night and followed her throughout her day like an ever present shadow.

She owed that new found hopefulness to Peeta she was sure. At the thought of him her lips turned upwards into a small shy smile she wasn't used to seeing upon her features. She tuned on her heel and hurried back to her room to dress quickly yearning to spend some time with him, she felt the sudden need to thank him for everything. The anger she felt yesterday from his lack of disclosure seemed to have burned away in the night, she didn't care anymore.

Dressed in her fresh uniform and sweater she was slipping back out the door just as Rue woke in her bed stretching her lithe limbs tiredly. She offered Katniss a knowing smile and a small wave before Katniss pulled the door closed behind her with a soft click. She bounded down the staircases eagerly and headed down towards Peeta's room with a slight spring in her step and with an excited feeling bubbling within her. She wanted to see his burnished blonde hair and run her fingers through the soft curls, to feel the heat of his body pressed against hers. It was early she surmised but she figured that he wouldn't mind her company. She knocked quickly against the door and fanned herself trying to dispel the sudden flush she felt at seeing him.

When no sound came from the room she knocked a second time. She began chewing her lower lip as she grew more and more nervous as the minutes ticked by. She turned the nob and opened the door a crack to peek inside. She could see him on the bed, his back to her and judging by the slow rise and fall of his body, he was still asleep. She slipped inside and quietly shut the door crossing the small floor with the nearly silent footfalls she had acquired from her days spent amid the forest hunting with her father.

She brushed her hand against his shoulder softly and he stirred groggily. She sat down alongside of him and rested her head against the headboard and slowly began running her fingers through his tousled looking hair. He murmured something but his eyes were still closed. "Peeta," she spoke softly not wanting to startle him, "You're going to be late if you don't wake up sleepy head."

She felt his breathing pattern change and his muscles instantly tense as he fully awoke. He took a deep shuddering breath and rolled over to face her. She knew immediately that he'd had a rough time of it since she had seen him last. Without thinking she slid down and rested her head next to his on his pillow her body pulled up tight against his. His eyes were red rimmed and still a little puffy, the shadows beneath them were nearly black and she wondered how long he had managed to sleep for. She resumed running her fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath.

"Katniss… I…" he started to speak, he looked as though he was about to lose the calm exterior he was working to maintain.

"Shhh.. it's okay," she leaned her forehead against his and stared intently at him. "Whatever happened yesterday Peeta its okay, _we're_ okay."

His arms circled her waist and he pulled her more firmly against him. He opened his eyes to her and placed a tentative kiss on her lips. Katniss wrapped her fingers around the curls in his hair and deepened the kiss; she was surprised at her need to feel Peeta, to touch him like she couldn't get close enough even lying next to him with his mouth on hers.

When they finally broke apart they both were panting heavily and Katniss's lips felt swollen from the abuse. A quick check at the clock had them scrambling. Peeta hastily retreated to the bathroom to ready himself for the day and Katniss stuffed Peeta's bag with his notebooks and books for the morning's classes. He reemerged from the bathroom with damp hair and fresh clothes and offered her an impish smile. They quickly reported to the nurse's office for Peeta's medication. While he swallowed his morning dosage the nurse grilled her about her ankle.

"How's that foot feeling Katniss? You are taking it easy right?" Katniss smiled at the kindly woman.

"Yes I'm taking it easy and it feels as good as new this morning." She replied wriggling her ankle in the air as if to demonstrate before they set off to breakfast.

"Okay but if it swells again be sure to ice it!" The nurse called after her.

Katniss and Peeta sat at their usual table and had cold cereal and juice. To Katniss the meal tasted better than anything she had eaten in months, it might have had something to do with the Peeta's larger hand entwined with hers and the covert smiles that passed between each other. Rue plopped down just as they were finishing with a flourish. "Ugh, I really do not want to go to Coin's today. Did you two finish that damn essay? Oh my God it was so horrible; I only just finished it up this morning, definitely not my best work but…ugh." She dropped her head into her arms on the table in mock indignation and both Katniss and Peeta giggled at her exuberance.

"I finished it yes; it wasn't terrible as far as Coin's assignments are concerned. Though it was a bit long for just a weekend assignment." Katniss responded as she cast a look to Peeta who had gone strangely quiet at the mention of Coin. When she stopped to think about it she too could feel her own anxiety creep up a notch at the thought of spending the morning with the wretched woman. She remembered what Rue had told her yesterday, that Peeta had been apprehended by Coin and was being forced to spend evenings under her watchful eye. She shuddered at the thought causing Peeta to glance at her curiously. She shrugged her shoulders and squeezed his hand in comfort.

"We should probably get up to class; I don't want to be late for Coin." Peeta announced as he stood on his crutches. Katniss stood beside him and gave Rue a comforting pat on her shoulder as she collected their refuge to drop in the bin on her way out the door.

When they were alone in the hallway Katniss slowed her walk a little and so did Peeta, prolonging the inevitable she supposed. "So…" she began hoping he'd pick up on her hint and spill.

"So…" he repeated her tone and looked at her before offering her a guilty smile. "You are wondering what happened after Saturday night right?" He gave her a nervous laugh as she nodded. "Well, there's not much to tell really it was a little late when I got back to my room and when I got there Coin was waiting for me."

Katniss gave him a look of shock but said nothing as she waited to hear more. "She was really excited to catch someone breaking the rules. I honestly think she was ecstatic about it honestly. She kept asking me where I'd been, who I'd been with, whether anything illicit had gone on. She kept at it for over an hour but I didn't give her any information. I simply told her I had wandered off and sat down to rest but fallen asleep. Anyway Sunday I spent the day being grilled by her and Snow, and then they called my mother."

His tone dropped at the mention of his mother and Katniss distinctly remembered him group, his worst relationship was the one he had with his mother. She ached to wrap him in her arms but knew they needed to continue up the stairs if they were to make it to class on time and now with Coin out for both of them it wouldn't do them any favors to be tardy.

"They had me stay in my room all day on Sunday to finish assignments and I didn't want to make them any more upset so I stayed up and finished everything I could. I'm supposed to report every evening after dinner to Coin's room for supervision until curfew until I get moved in to the dorms. Cinna commented that whoever they were rooming me with would be charged with keeping an eye on me."

Katniss swallowed thickly at his admission. "I'm so sorry Peeta, it's all my fault, if you hadn't..." They had reached the top of the second staircase, Peeta had stopped and turned to her, balancing his crutches under his arms and grabbed her hand tugging her close to him.

"Katniss this is not your fault, I wouldn't have changed Saturday for the world. This will pass I swear. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd blame yourself. I didn't want Coin to know the extent of our relationship or how close we'd become, I don't think it would be doing you any favors. So I was keeping my distance yesterday and I really wanted to tell you that I really wasn't pushing you away. I honestly thought I had sent you running into the arms of someone else."

Katniss couldn't suppress the exhilarating feeling that sparked in her as the word relationship passed through his lips, she almost hadn't caught the last line.

"Yesterday when you came in to the nurse's I was so worried when I found out you'd been hurt but when you came in you were smiling and laughing and you just looked more carefree than I'd ever seen you." He nervously rubbed the back of his neck and his eyes kept darting to hers afraid of how she'd take the news.

She nodded as they started climbing the last stair case. "Honestly Peeta you have nothing to worry about at all in that department." She could feel it as her face flushed with embarrassment, "I really like you Peeta, I don't want anyone else."

His smile seemed to light him up from within making him look like a little boy instead of the man he was becoming. His smile dimmed as they neared the classroom door and by the time they had reached the classroom door his face was impassive and serious, "Here goes nothing."

Katniss couldn't help but wonder what might have transpired between himself and Coin that seemed to put him at such ill ease. He had seemed to handle her with grace the last time they had class, so that left last night during his supervised time. Had she done something to him? The thought made her blood boil, how dare she! Normally Katniss was subdued and spent the class time hoping that the time would pass without being called on, today however as she sat waiting for class to begin she fantasized ways of offing Coin. Her favorite involved a strategically shot arrow through her chest, right about where the witch's heart should have been.

Coin sauntered in and began before the tardy bell had even rung. "Please take out your essays and pass them to the front of the class room." There was a ruffle of papers as students dug out their papers and passed them to the front of each row. Coin collected them and plopped them down on her desk. "Now we will have a short pop quiz before we begin today's classwork." There were no sounds of protest like you would have heard in Haymitch's room. The students knew better than to test Coin's limits.

When Katniss received her quiz she felt relieved that the topics were something she knew. It wasn't that she didn't know what Coin would usually ask her in class but her shyness would get the best of her and usually she'd struggle to get the words out. It didn't help of course that Coin would jump on her and belittle her until she shook at her desk until she was unable to speak at all. At least with the quiz she wouldn't have to worry about speaking and could take her time and answer the questions.

Coin prowled up and down the rows of students looking over their shoulders while they worked. Katniss could feel the burn of the woman's stare on the back of her neck as she wrote. She ducked her head and just wrote a little faster in hopes that she would pass her by without commenting or drawing attention to her. Coin slowly walked past her and continued on. She paused at Peeta's desk and Katniss chanced a glance at him, his body was rigid and his grip on his pen had turned his knuckles white she was sure the peen was about to snap in half. He had stopped writing altogether and just sat there like a stone statue staring resolutely down at his paper. Coin didn't say anything and moved on and Peeta imperceptibly relaxed a little but still did not move to continue writing.

After a moment Coin announced that it their time was up and to pass the exams forward. Coin flipped through some of the tests and was undoubtedly reading their answers. "Have some of you really not understood some of the material we've been covering? Some of these answers are preposterous." She scoffed as she returned to her desk and piled them next to their essays.

"Today we will continue our foray into literature and our interpretations on it by watching a film adaptation of a classic we've covered in class. We will be watching a film adaptation of Romeo and Juliet and I want you to pay strict attention to details as I will be assigning you a paper on how you think this particular version interpreted the original work and whether they took liberties they should or should not have taken." She moved to the front of the class and pulled the screen down before moving to the back of the room to start the projector from the computer and then dimmed the lights as the movie began.

Katniss pulled out her notebook from her bag ready to take notes on any incongruities she found. Her eyes drifted over to Peeta who wasn't even staring at the screen, instead his eyes were trained on his desk. She wanted to reach out and touch his shoulder to rouse him from his thoughts and caution him to pay attention but she didn't want to draw any more attention to him in front of Coin. Nor did she want Coin seeing them interact more than superficially. Katniss tried to pay attention but as time went on Peeta's condition only seemed to deteriorate. By the time they had reached the midway point of the film he was shaking and even in the dimmed room she could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead.

Coin paused the film and flipped the lights back on startling Katniss who had to blink back tears as her eyes adjusted to the sudden flood of light. "Alright that is where we are stopping today, we will finish the rest of this film Thursday and we will go over your pop quizzes and essays before divvying up your new essay assignments for the weekend." The bell tolled for their end of the first half of the day. Katniss couldn't believe they had made it through Coin's class and without an assignment for a change! She waited for the students to file out eager to head to lunch before moving to stand with Peeta.

He silently stood and threw his bag over his shoulders and walked out ahead of her. Katniss could feel Coin's eyes burning a hole into the back of her as she followed him out the door. "See you tonight Peeta." Katniss closed her eyes in anger envisioning the way she would one day but that woman in her place. Peeta seemed about ready to keel over at her voice and Katniss willed the distance to pass quickly so she could find out whether or not he was okay without the likelihood of Coin eavesdropping on their conversation.

When they had reached the second staircase she could wait no longer. Peeta attempted to turn the corner to head down the next flight of stairs but instead fell heavily against the wall and nearly toppled forward and would have if Katniss's arm hadn't shot out and pulled him back. "Hey, Peeta, are you okay?" She asked as he tried to steady himself but she began to worry because he was still weaving precariously on his feet. "Peeta say something to me, you're scaring me." She couldn't keep the edge of panic that seemed to creep into her voice at seeing him like this.

It must have registered slightly with him because his eyes flicked to hers in a moment of recognition. He tried to slow his breathing which had sped up but he was dizzy and the room seemed to spin. "I… I… can't… breathe."

Katniss urged him into a sitting position before he fell and knelt in front of him cupping his face in her hands to hold his eyes. "Easy, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, do you need the nurse or do you need Cinna?" She watched him struggle with admitting he needed anyone and she gave him the glare she would often impose on her younger sister when she wouldn't admit to something. It seemed to work on him too.

"Either."

She didn't want to leave him here alone in his state but she didn't want to panic and yell for help. In a moment of her indecision she was saved by Rue's soft footsteps climbing the staircase.

"Hey I wondered where you guys were, I saved a spot at the ta…" She paused mid-sentence and mid-step as she saw Katniss kneeling in front of Peeta.

"Hey Rue," she said trying to keep her voice even and pleasant to not further alarm Peeta any further, "Could you run and get me Cinna please, fast."

Without a word Rue was off like a blur and Katniss sighed a bit in relief. Rue was quick and discreet, she would get Cinna and they would be here momentarily. Peeta's conditioned hadn't changed but she took his hands in hers and rested them on his knees as she kneeled in front of him and kept talking in a soothing voice.

She hadn't realized she was crying until Cinna came up the stairs followed by Rue and the nurse. Cinna looked from Katniss to Peeta as if he was unsure of who needed his help first. "I don't know what happened. He seemed upset in class with Coin and then during the movie he seemed to start shaking and he was all clammy. We left soon after and he managed to get this far before he nearly fell… I couldn't get him to calm down… I don't know what…" She couldn't hold the sob back any longer before Rue threw her arms around her from behind her on the stairs.

Cinna knelt next to them addressing her first, "Katniss its okay you did the right thing. He might have had an anxiety attack or even a flash back from the accident. He's breathing so heavily because of the panic, he'll be okay but I need to step in here okay." His calm voice seemed to reassure her and she stepped back so he could take her place. She turned and laid her head on Rue's shoulder to hide her tears from Peeta.

She could here Cinna murmuring to Peeta for a bit and then he spoke to the nurse. Katniss turned in time for her to see the glint of the needle she had pulled from her pocket. She expertly uncapped the needle snapping her finger to the side to release any air bubbles before plunging it quickly and forcefully into Peeta's thigh. He didn't even register the pin prick in his state but Katniss felt like it had plunged straight into her heart.

His breathing began to slow and his eyes began to droop as the sedatives took hold almost immediately. Cinna at last spoke again, "I had to sedate him for now; I will move him back to his room to rest and then meet with him when he wakes. I'll have someone cover my group session, will you be okay or would you like to rest for that period, I can give you a pass?" It took her a moment to realize he was speaking to her.

She answered quietly unable to take her eyes off of Peeta who was leaning on Cinna half asleep already, "I'll rest thank you."

He nodded to her as he passed, "I'll stop by your room later to talk Katniss okay?" Cinna called back as he carefully navigated Peeta down the remaining stairwell with the nurse.

She couldn't answer, she just let Rue lead her by the hand back to their room and tuck her in bed like a small child. She felt an indescribable ache at seeing Peeta in such a tortuous state. What had caused that sweet and caring boy to crumble before her very eyes? She closed her eyes to rest as the exhaustion seemed to catch up with her at last and she closed her eyes to dream of the boy with the blue eyes and troubled soul.


	12. Chapter 12

Shattered

Chapter 12

_A/N: Okay do not throw things at me… I'm so sorry for the length of time it took me to update this chapter. I was at first distracted by some of the awesome submissions for Prompts in Panam and catching up on some of the fics I hadn't read that were in the Everlark Smut Awards. _

_After that work has decided to be unmercifully crazy. And it shows no signs of slowing down. I hope you do enjoy this chapter of the story and I took my first attempt at writing a little bit of smut. It's only PG 13 or so… but I'm still new so I'm still working on that…. Hope you like it… and I sincerely hope that I will be back with an update a bit sooner this time!_

_Peeta_

Peeta never cared for swimming, at least not since the time he had nearly drowned. He couldn't have been more than six or seven when he had accidentally slipped and fallen into his family's pool trying to reach a ball that had bounced off the back deck. Years later he could still acutely remember the pull of the water as it had dragged him down into the frigid depths, the taste of the chlorinated water as it had flooded into his mouth and nose. His limbs had felt like leaded weights as he had tried to claw his way back to the surface only to be pulled back down before his head could break the surface. His nightmares felt a lot like drowning to him. He knew he was dreaming but that didn't lesson the terror of it. He would plead with himself to wake and he'd almost manage it only to get sucked back into the darkness. That would explain why his lungs heaved in large gulps of air when he finally woke. It was as if he had quite literally been back in the frigid depths of his family pool all over again unable to pull air into his lungs. Only this time there was no Rye to rescue him, at least this time the darkness hadn't pulled him down for good.

He glanced around through blurry eyes and as the final vestiges of sleep finally left his mind recognizing his dorm room that had been his home for nearly a week. When the fog cleared the rest of the way he remembered everything, the events crashing back into him like a huge oppressive weight threatening to crush him. He pulled himself into a sitting position ready to bolt when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Peeta gave a small start at the touch having mistakenly thought he was alone in his room; he brought his eyes to Cinna's concerned gaze. Peeta opened his mouth to say something but he didn't even know where to begin. He wanted to thank Cinna for coming to his rescue but at the same time he wanted to vehemently deny everything that had happened. A small part of him might of even wanted to divulge every little thought and emotion that had transpired earlier that day. Instead he appeared more like a fish out of water as he opened and closed his mouth silently as he struggled to say something.

Peeta had no idea how much time had passed since his breakdown in the stairwell but he noted that the sun was no longer in the sky and instead the purple velvet of twilight was creeping its way across the horizon. And judging by how rested he felt he was fairly certain several hours had gone by. "How are you feeling Peeta?" Cinna's smooth voice broke the silence of the room.

"I'm, I'm okay…now." Peeta tried to make light of the situation like he always did.

"You were in quite a state when we got to you. I had to inject you with a very powerful sedative and I'm sorry for that but I wanted to get you back to your room safely, I hope you can forgive me." Cinna's brow furrowed at his confession.

"Cinna, of the millions of things on my mind not once did I ever think to blame you. I should thank you for helping me." Peeta offered him a genuine smile at the man's assistance.

"Have you ever had to be sedated before Peeta?" Cinna asked as he leaned back in the desk chair that he had pulled over to Peeta's bed.

Peeta nodded his head. "Once or twice I think, right after the accident, when I was still in the hospital, it's a little foggy though so I really don't remember much."

Cinna merely nodded as he listened. He didn't push Peeta to answer and the pair just sat in comfortable silence for some time before Peeta blurted out his confession. "I remembered all of it.. the accident I mean."

Cinna brought the chair back down on four legs with a soft thud and waited for Peeta to continue. When he didn't he gently prodded him for more information. "Are there any details or feelings you want to talk about now that you can remember? Do you have any questions?"

Peeta picked at the fuzz balls on the blanket and bit his inner cheek. If there was anyone he could trust here other than Katniss it was Cinna, he knew that, but it didn't make it any easier. "Well, I don't know. I mean I kind of had a gist of what had happened before, it's just there were… holes in some of it." He sighed loudly and ran a shaky hand through his damp hair, "I know that they said it was an accident but really it was my fault." He dropped his head tucking his chin in as it began to tremble with emotion. "Rye shouldn't have been the one in that casket, it should have been me. I was the one who wanted to go to that damn party. I was the one that was driving." The tears came suddenly hot and heavy as he whispered the last bit like a confession, "I wish it had been me."

Peeta felt the bed dip under Cinna's weight as he sat down on the bed to move closer to Peeta and put an arm around the back of him to offer him support. Peeta cried in broken sobs no longer able to hold back the grief, he cried out in gut wrenchingly loud wails; he didn't even care who might hear him. Cinna waited patiently until Peeta had cried his fill and was able to compose himself again. He just wordlessly handed Peeta a box of tissues to mop his face with and never spoke of it.

"First of all Peeta, thank you for trusting me with the truth, that's not something easy to admit. Second, I want you to know that it was an accident. It could have happened on your way to school or with your parents or when Rye was off at school. You had no control over the outcome of the events any more than Rye did that night. I understand you feel a sense of guilt at having survived when he didn't and that's a normal feeling to have Peeta." Cinna stood up from the bed and pulled the chair back to its original position behind the desk. "I won't push you too much more tonight; it's been a very taxing day for you. But I'll meet with you again in the morning, I've excused you from all of your classes tomorrow and your time with Coin will be spent with me for the remainder of this week."

Peeta's eyes jumped to Cinna's at the mention of Coin, his blue eyes flashed alight with hope that he wouldn't be stuck with Alma Coin alone again anytime soon. Cinna didn't miss the quick flick of Peeta's eyes or the change in his posture when he mentioned her either but Peeta didn't care. He was tired. Tired of the secrets and the lying and the loneliness he felt by keeping up this brave facade. He was tired of pretending he was okay and that he was strong when he really wasn't.

"We'll address this some more when you've had some rest. I've had some dinner brought in for you, just a light dinner of soup and crackers, you might begin to feel a little sick to your stomach as the medication wears off." Peeta eyed the tray warily but his stomach was already beginning to feel a bit off. "I'll be here in the morning at 8 and we can continue this okay?"

Peeta nodded to Cinna and moved over to the desk where the food waited. He felt a pang when he realized that he would not be seeing Katniss tonight or even in the morning. She probably thought he was a complete basket case. He bit his lower lip and stilled his hands as he recalled the blurry scene on the staircase and how she had reacted. She was calm and had done a good deal to calm him down as the flashbacks had not only continued but intensified. But he could also vaguely recall her tears as Rue drew her into a hug while the nurse plunged the medication into him. He didn't want to cause her any more grief; she had enough in her life. He turned to ask Cinna about Katniss and was surprised to see Cinna looking at him with an undecipherable stare.

"Cinna, um… how is…" His voice broke as he tried to get out his question.

"You want to know how Katniss is right." Cinna gave an amused chuckle as he leaned casually against the door frame. Peeta smiled at his correct assessment and nodded. "She was pretty shook up. I think she was scared that you were going through something that she couldn't really help you with."

Peeta let out a cautious breath at Cinna's words. Cinna continued on "She's a special girl Katniss." Peeta nodded with enthusiasm at Cinna's assessment. Katniss was indeed a special girl, woman rather. "Peeta, I know you two have developed a pretty special bond with each other and I am grateful for that. You both like to keep people shut out, but sometimes you need to let people in. "

Peeta flicked his eyes to Cinna trying to read where the conversation was headed. Cinna turned and rested his hand on the door knob ready to make his exit, "I just want you to be very careful Peeta, for the both of you. You both have had some bad things happen and letting someone back in can either be a beautiful thing or a tragedy in the making. I care a great deal for the both of you, and if I had to bet, I'd bet on the two of you."

Peeta swallowed thickly, he hadn't expected those words, nor for Cinna to be so frank. He had expected him to urge him on and tell him everything was going to be okay. At least he could count on Cinna to be honest with him and to not sugar coat things.

"Can I see her?" Peeta asked softly before Cinna could leave.

"Not tonight Peeta. It's late, after curfew. I am stopping up to her dorm to check in on her and see how she is before lights out." Peeta felt crestfallen at the thought of Katniss having to cope with anything because of him and that he couldn't be the one to comfort her. And if he was entirely honest, the selfish part of him longed for her arms around him for his own comfort.

"Peeta, how about if I can arrange a time tomorrow for her to come in for a visit. I will have to supervise of course but it might be a good idea for you both to have me there to mediate, and answer any questions she might have. I think it might benefit you both. Okay?"

"Yes sir, thank you, I really appreciate your help."

Cinna nodded before softly biding him good night.

Peeta slurped the lukewarm soup and munched on the bland crackers to settle his stomach. He crutched over to the bathroom to splash water on himself and to use the toilet. He longed for a hot shower to ease his aching muscles but his eyes were already drooping in exhaustion. He was scared at the thought of sleeping and returning to the darkness of his nightmares. The ones perpetuated with flashing lights, the blinding pain, and the screams of his brother as they lay pinned in the wreckage on that warm summer's night.

In the end he couldn't fight the drowsiness any longer so he returned his single bed and lay down again. He gazed out at the inky darkness and thought of Katniss lying in her own bed and of her soft touches and soothing voice. He fantasized about holding her close to him again as they eased each other's fears and worries. He wondered what it would feel like to sleep next to her lithe body all night and wake up with her each morning. He fell asleep remembering her soft caresses in his hair and her soft reassurances that everything would be alright. He certainly hoped they would be.

Peeta awoke the next morning and for a moment was startled to what had roused him. A quick glance at the alarm clock showed that it was nearly seven in the morning but the buzzer had yet to go off. He paused for a moment in thought and realized that it was the signing of the birds outside of his window that had woken him. The twittering of the birds drifted through his barred window and the melody was both uplifting and innocent, they were happily announcing the arrival of Spring after a long cold Winter. Peeta closed his eyes and drifted for a few minutes to their song for a while before pulling himself out of his bed to ready himself for the day.

He couldn't help but smile as he showered. Perhaps it was his exhaustion or perhaps it was an after effect of getting some sleep but he had no nightmares when he had finally drifted back asleep. Instead his dreams were of Katniss and her dark thick braid, her almond shaped eyes and her infectious smile when her eyes met his. He had dreamed about the two of them picnicking in the woods together, lying on a blanket bathed in warm afternoon sunlight. He couldn't help but find himself growing hard remembering exactly how the dream had played out. The soft chaste kisses had quickly progressed from something innocent to heated, their clothing magically seemed to have disappeared. Peeta couldn't help but take himself in his hand as the warm water pelted down on him. He slid his hand down the length of his shaft back and forth while he recalled the vivid details of the dream. Him suckling on her soft breasts, the feeling of her taught stomach under his hand, her silky folds as he slowly caressed her tender flesh between her thighs, her quiet moans growing louder until she finally cried out his name in ecstasy. Peeta quickly came undone and it took more than a few moments to regain his composure.

He eventually emerged from the steamy bathroom dressed in his school uniform just as he heard a knock on the door. Peeta turned his attention to the door and opened it to find Cinna waiting patiently for him. "Morning Peeta, ready to go?"

Peeta simply nodded and followed behind him. Now that the euphoria of his shower had faded a feeling of increasing uncertainty and dread had settled in the pit of his stomach. He had no idea what to expect today other than he'd be with Cinna and he'd hopefully get to see Katniss. Peeta followed Cinna back into his office and took his usual seat. Cinna retreated behind his desk and removed his folder from the drawer before taking a seat and settling in.

"How are you feeling this morning Peeta?" He began; though the question was clinical in nature both his eyes and his voice were soft with concern.

"Okay, good actually. I finally got some rest." He answered truthfully.

Cinna nodded, "Good, good, glad to hear that." Cinna sifted through some of the papers before beginning again, "Today I want to go through the events leading up to the accident, the events you can remember during and after. I think it's important now that you remember it to discuss it with someone." Peeta gulped and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. Cinna could see his distress, "We'll take it slow and do whatever you need to okay?" Peeta nodded and tried to give him a smile but he couldn't put much effort in it. "I thought I'd have Katniss come in this afternoon after lunch and we could go through a few things with her then." Peeta did offer Cinna a genuine smile at the mention of Katniss.

"Now before we really get started let's get some breakfast and you can take your medication, okay?" Cinna stood and moved to a table off the side. He uncovered a tray of food and placed it on the stand next to Peeta and handed him his anxiety medication.

Cinna sat down in the chair beside him and ate his breakfast making small talk and Peeta could feel himself slowly relaxing back into himself. Cinna was no one to be afraid of, he could trust him, and he was going to see Katniss today, so it couldn't be a completely terrible day he reasoned to himself. After the last of the food had been picked from their plates Cinna returned the trey back to the side table and dusted his hands off on his pants as if to clean invisible crumbs off of his dark tailored trousers, "Okay let's get started shall we?" Cinna returned to his seat next to Peeta and shifted it to face him and got comfortable, crossing his foot over his leg as he waited for Peeta to begin.

Peeta let out a shaky little breath as he tried to organize his thoughts. "Well, I started getting some hazy images while I was in class; we were watching a movie… the flashbacks were mostly stuff I had remembered before. I had wanted to go to this graduation party at the gorge that all the upperclassman who were anyone was going to. There was a girl I was interested in that I had been crushing on forever and I was convinced that would be my shot to getting her to notice me. My parents wouldn't have let me go but Rye knew how much I wanted to go so he convinced them he wanted me to tag along, drive him home if he was too tired or what not." Peeta nervously rubbed his sweaty hands on his lap and licked his lips before he continued. "After I left class my vision was turning black and I vaguely remember leaving Coin's room but after that I can't really remember much until just before you and the nurse came. Instead it was like I was back in the car all over again." Peeta's chin began to tremble as he tried to keep a handle on his emotions but the tears were already making his vision blurry. "Rye had an okay time, he'd had a few drinks and of course he had tons of friends. I on the other hand ended up following him around because I had stumbled on my crush making out with one of the football players on the picnic table. I was in a sour mood and I didn't want to be there any more after that, I just really wanted to leave. We left not long after and I took the keys from my brother to drive. We left the gorge and it was really dark out and the road was a little wet like it always is up there. The road there is narrow and windy but I thought I could handle it just fine, I'd driven it a hundred times before."

Finally the damn that had been holding back his tears broke and Peeta sobbed before biting his hand to quell the noise. He felt Cinna's warm hand gently pry his hand out of his mouth and Peeta was surprised to see the teeth marks that were beginning to form a bruise deep into his hand. Peeta flexed his hand and offered Cinna an apologetic look at his coping mechanism. After a few moments Peeta was composed enough to continue. "I took a corner too fast and came around a curve in the road and there was another car coming, I turned the wheel the other direction and lost control of the car. I'm not exactly sure but I think we may have rolled several times down the embankment." Peeta roughly rubbed his hands over his face and rested his head in his hands. "I just remember coming to and everything hu-hurt so much." He struggled to get the words out. It hurt just to say them. "I yelled for Rye but he didn't wake up right away and when he did his voice was slurred so bad I couldn't understand him. The car that I nearly hit must have called for help because the fireman were there fairly quick… or maybe I was out of it for a while I don't know. "Peeta's breath had hitched up and his hands began to shake as he recalled the details.

Cinna's hand reached over and grasped them in his large hand gently. "It's okay Peeta. You've done really well. Why don't we take a little break okay?" Peeta glanced up and was shocked to see that it was nearing lunch. He nodded quietly and wiped his traitorous tears with the back of his hand. "Why don't you take a minute to go get cleaned up in bathroom and I'll head down to the dining area and get us some lunch so we can eat here in the quiet okay?" Peeta nodded at him and stood shakily to his feet as Cinna retreated to get some food. He was thankful he wouldn't have to face a crowd of students in his current state.

Peeta splashed cold water on his face and tried to slow his breathing. He peered at his reflection in the mirror; the person that looked back at him looked like a stranger he didn't recognize. His skin was pale and clammy, his eyes red rimmed and puffy from his crying. His cuts had started fading to light pink scars where stiches had been not all that long ago. He seemed older than he should.

He leaned against the counter and tried to clear his head and regain some control of his emotions. Immediately his mind went to Katniss and the feeling that followed was an altogether different one than what he had felt while in Cinna's office. His heart raced not with fear or grief but with excitement, instead of the agonizing misery that he had grown accustomed to he felt a sensation not far from happiness. Katniss was his one beacon of hope. A hope that all wasn't lost in his world, that his existence meant something to someone. He only could hope that she felt the same way. Spring was after all a new beginning. Things grew back bigger and brighter than they had the year before; the coldness of winter did not kill some things it seemed.

"Peeta?" He heard Katniss's soft voice call out from outside the door. He couldn't stop the immediate smile that spread across his face; I guess he would soon find out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Shattered **

**Chapter 13**

_Do not kill me please…. I worked on this Chapter all weekend but only now found the time to post it. This is the last chapter where we see Peeta and Katniss developing their bond… after this we will get into a little more action/angst within the school itself. I look forward to any reviews you have. And hopefully I'll be able to get another update in this week =)_

**Katniss**

Katniss tried to calm her trembling hands by clutching the wooden arm rests of the chair, she grasped them in an iron grip until her knuckles turned white and her hands ached with the effort. Peeta took the chair opposite her and brought his hand out as if to touch her but jerked it back and rubbed his thigh nervously. "Are you… are you okay?" He asked his eyes flicking to her in worry before moving to stare at the ornate rug on Cinna's floor. He gripped the back of his neck and rubbed it with his hand before bringing his elbows to his knees and resting his head in his hands dejectedly.

She couldn't help herself, she hated seeing him so defeated looking. She wasn't one for words so she noiselessly slipped from her chair and knelt down on her knee next to his chair. She brought her hand up to his face to rub his cheek with the pad of her thumb. A tear escaped his eye and she brushed it away before she found her voice to answer him. "I'm okay Peeta. But I am worried about you." He brought his tear filled eyes up to her and she couldn't help but marvel at how blue they were even through his tears.

"I'm okay now that you're here." He brought his hand up to hers that was resting on his cheek and brought it to his mouth where he placed a warm kiss on the knuckles. She couldn't help the small smile that the gesture brought to her lips. It seemed to spread warmth all the way to her toes.

"I'm not going anywhere Peeta." He kept his eyes closed as he struggled to bring himself under some semblance of control. She intertwined their fingers together and returned to her seat keeping their hands clasped. The gesture though benign seemed strangely intimate to her. Cinna returned to the room and smiled when he saw them hanging on to each other over the table. He cleared his voice as he moved forward and placed the tray on the table between them. He removed his plate from the tray and moved around to his desk to eat.

"I brought you both a little of everything. And I am happy to note I got there before the lunch rush so things weren't picked over too much." Katniss felt relaxed with Cinna and the tension she'd been carrying on her shoulders seemed to fall away as she listened to the smooth timbre of his voice. Peeta's hand remained clasped with hers as they ate the finger food with their free hands; his thumb absently traced small circles on her hand the entire time. She took the time to observe him as the three of them carried on a casual conversation about this and that.

His eyes were red rimmed and still wet looking as if he'd spent a good part of the day crying, she swallowed her cucumber sandwich thickly as she thought that he probably _had_ spent a good part of the day crying. His hair was messy, no doubt from him running his hands through it when he was stressed and his skin was paler than she liked to see, reminiscent of his breakdown in the stairwell. After they had finally finished lunch Cinna produced a tray of chocolate chip cookies and he bustled about busily clearing the table of their empty plates. He kept a stream of chatter going the entire time and Katniss had to smile to herself as she thought he probably talked more than any shrink she had ever heard, not that she had heard many. It set her at ease as she realized he was doing it so they wouldn't feel obligated to speak just yet. Katniss finally removed her hand from Peeta's as she selected a cookie and sat back in her chair and drew her feet up with her to get comfortable, she settled in and looked expectantly from Peeta to Cinna waiting for one of them to begin. She was going to stay here until she knew exactly what was going on.

Cinna's acute stare took in her posture and then raked over Peeta who seemed to shrink in on himself as soon as Katniss had withdrawn her hand from his, the atmosphere suddenly seemed cold and clinical when only moments ago it had been warm and comfortable. Katniss felt the change too and shivered a little drawing her sweater closer around her as she continued to nibble at a cookie.

"Katniss, I just wanted you to know that this isn't a usual practice and as far as any one is concerned the two of you were never in this room together." Cinna began as he rubbed his fingers along the edge of his mahogany desk. "Certain members of this school would…frown upon this sort of behavior." He stopped rubbing the edge of the desk and met her eyes before he flicked his gaze over to Peeta. "It's my job to make sure you both are comfortable and working through any issues you may have, if either of you feel at any time uncomfortable or want to stop please just let me know. I think…" he paused for a moment as if searching for the right words to use, "You two seem to have developed a very special bond, you've been able to connect with each other on a level I haven't been able to. I think it's a good thing but I want you to both understand that you both have a lot of history that is still affecting you and it will continue to affect you for a long time. I want you both to understand where the other is coming from so that you can both work together and continue moving forward being a source of comfort to the other, especially if I am not around to help you out. Does that make any sense?" He asked as he looked from Katniss to Peeta. Katniss frowned as she churned over his word choice; he was making it sound as if his days were numbered at Panam.

After a brief moment they both she and Peeta had nodded their heads in agreement. Cinna sat forward clasping his hands together and bringing them to his lips, his brow furrowed in thought. "I guess the easiest thing would be for you to ask any questions you have and we can go from there? Okay?" He waited to see if they both agreed before he turned to Katniss expectantly.

She worried her lip back and forth and chewed on it nervously. She tugged on the end of her braid nervously as she glanced nervously at Peeta. "Well um… I guess the thing I have the most confusion over is what exactly happened yesterday in the stairwell?" She rushed to get the words out as if they were made of hot molten material that might burn if she lingered over them.

She looked to Peeta who seemed to hang his head even further at her question. Cinna cleared his throat, "Peeta, would you like to answer that one or would it be okay if I answered for you?" His voice was soft and gentle.

Peeta answered without raising his head. "C-Could you?" His voice shook thick with emotion and he lowered his head back into his arms and began running his fingers through his blonde curls haphazardly. Cinna began to speak and Katniss had to force her eyes from raking over Peeta so that she could focus on what Cinna was saying.

"Peeta was under a fair amount of stress, coupled with the fact that he hadn't gotten much rest over the past few days made him more susceptible to flashbacks. The dark setting in the classroom along with the flickering of the movie also probably helped bring it on."

Katniss had finished her cookie and found her hands back to grasping the arm rests like a lifeline. "Flashbacks? Like post-traumatic stress or something?" She had heard the term repeated to her from State workers about her mother after her father's accident and the term tumbled from her lips with a small amount of venom.

She addressed Cinna directly and he answered her but his eyes surveyed Peeta's posture the entire time, "Yes exactly like post-traumatic stress, Peeta had some holes in his memory and they resurfaced in the form of the flashback that you witnessed. You did a very good job of dealing with the situation, I'm sure it was…unsettling to see Peeta that way. There really is no other way other than to let the memory resurface and then let the person get some rest and then deal with whatever the returning memory has brought along with it."

Her voice caught in her throat, her voice barely above a whisper, "What… what was the flashback from?"

Cinna looked to Peeta instead of answering her; Peeta raised his head at the silence and looked at Cinna. His eyes nervously flicked to Katniss but he quickly averted them and stared out the window. His voice was deep and almost disconnected sounding. "I remembered the night of the accident," he drew in a shaky voice as his control started to slip, "all of it."

Katniss held her breath as she waited for him to continue but when it appeared he wasn't going to she let it out slowly.

"Peeta I know we went through the beginning this morning and I had hoped to go through the rest this afternoon but…would you like Katniss to stay so that you could tell her what happened?" Cinna asked as he slowly approached Peeta's chair and leaned down next to him as he offered a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Katniss felt like her heart had turned to ice at seeing Peeta so completely broken; she wanted to wrap her arms around him and protect him, to make him feel the warmth that he made her feel. He was like a balm to her, she was able to handle things if she had him to help her along and she wanted to be that to him too. When Peeta chanced a glance to her she could see him fighting the tears as Cinna continued to whisper in his ear. She worried her lip again, she was going to draw blood if she kept it up much longer. She really hoped he wanted her to stay. She wanted to know what had happened to such a wonderful person that would make him feel this hopeless. He know the sordid details of her past, why she was a wreck… he hadn't run away screaming and she knew there was nothing Peeta could have done that would drive her away if only he would let down his walls and let her in.

Cinna stepped back and returned to his desk. Katniss's heart sunk when Peeta still didn't say a word, he didn't trust her enough to tell her, he was going to ask her to leave. She sat forward and brought her feet back to the floor and made to stand up when Peeta's warm hand grasped hers and pulled her to his lap with a swift jerk. Caught by surprise she squeaked as she lost her balance and fell down on his lap and instinctively settled herself by wrapping her arm around his neck.

"S-Sorry about that." Peeta muttered and she felt a surge of warmth as she saw the small embarrassed smile spread on his lips. She shifted her weight to get more comfortable and she could see exactly what she did to him she could feel the length of him twitch and harden right underneath her, when her eyes met his she could see the desire burning within them. He discretely repositioned himself to ease the ache he was undoubtedly feeling. "Please stay, I want you to hear this now… I need you to know… to understand."

She nodded to him her eyes wide at his admission and she made to move to return to her chair but Peeta squeezed her and whispered into her ear "Please stay." His breath was warm and tickled, it sent a spark all the way to her toes and she found herself clenching her thighs with want. She simply nodded.

Peeta began to absently stroke small circles on her back as he began, "I wanted to go to a graduation party, my brother Rye, he was popular and everyone loved him. I was always the tag along but I didn't mind. I begged him to go to this party and to take me along, there was this girl I really wanted to ask out and I figured this might be my last chance." He swallowed thickly and Katniss moved her hand to the back of his neck and softly twirled her fingers in his hair to help ease his tension and her own. "Rye didn't want to go but he did it for me. He convinced my parents to let me go along and they agreed. Rye was actually having a good time at the party, having drinks, telling stories of stuff they had done, where they were headed in a few weeks for school. I wandered around looking for the girl to ask her out only to stumble upon her shoving her tongue down the quarterback's throat."

His skin began to get clammy and his grip on her thigh tightened, it didn't hurt her but in another minute it would. She stopped fingering his curls and brought both of her hands to his and pried it off her leg, encasing it in both of hers as she began to trace soft circles on it. He blinked back tears as he mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to her realizing what he had done. She shook her head and kissed his hand, "it's okay" she mouthed back to him.

"I was pretty mad after that, I was ready to leave. Rye handed me his keys and we headed out. I was driving too fast and the road was wet… I lost control on a corner and we rolled down the embankment." He paused and took a few breaths before forging on. "I had just finished telling Cinna that when I woke up I yelled for Rye but it was sometime before he woke up, I was so alone out there in the darkness. When Rye finally answered me his voice was slurred and he didn't make any sense. We were tr-trapped in the car, my leg was caught and I hurt so much."

His tears spilled over and he pulled Katniss to his chest to hide his face. She leaned her head over his and lovingly stroked his face and back as she whispered, "Shhh…". After a few moments he seemed to pull himself back together to continue.

"They pulled him from the car first, the fireman. They had to move him to get to me… he looked fine except for the gash on his head but apparently his damage wasn't on the outside. He di-died before the got him to the hospital."

Katniss continued to try and offer him some comfort but there were no words she could say that would ease the ache he was feeling, instead she opted to keep quiet. She brushed her lips against his forehead and rested her cheek against his clammy skin as his hand resumed rubbing the small circles on her back.

"It took them forever to get me free. My foot and let were caught under the crushed steering column. I didn't even feel the cuts and bruises… I had a hard time catching my breath though because my ribs took a fairly big impact… I thought I was going to die for sure. I'll never forget the sounds that night… the screeching as metal was torn away, the screams that Rye managed to make as they lifted him out of the vehicle. The sounds of the rescuers, the doctors… my parents… it was all my fault."

The tears ran unabashedly down his face completely unchecked. Katniss quickly brought her hands to his face brushing a majority of his tears from his face when she was done she began to kiss the ones still falling. "Peeta it wasn't your fault, it was an accident."

Peeta hiccupped and seemed to pull himself back together. "I... I'll understand if you want to leave now Katniss." Peeta whispered finally bringing his deep blue eyes to hers.

"When are you going to get this Peeta. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere." Anger nearly made her voice shake. Not anger at Peeta but how he had been treated by people that were supposed to love him.

The tone in her voice caused him to bring his eyes to hers they were fiery with passion. "Good." He crashed his lips on to hers tangling his tongue intensely with hers and Katniss let out an embarrassing sound like a groan or a sigh at the contact.

"Eh hem." Cinna cleared his voice behind them and they broke apart both of their faces red with having been caught in their moment of passion. Katniss struggled to bring her breathing back down to normal as she offered Cinna a small guilty smile; she had nearly forgotten he was there. "I'm glad you two are okay now but can we keep the PDA to minimum when I'm present?" He chuckled and though he was kindly asking them to stop his eyes seemed to show how happy he was that the two of them were working through this issue so well.

Katniss couldn't help but let out a little giggle at his words. "Okay Cinna." She turned around to face Peeta and was pleased to see that he still had a smile on his lips. She placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and stood to remove herself from his seat and return to her own. The two of them spent the afternoon in Cinna's office going through their sordid histories all while eyeing each other intensely. It sure made the "therapy" session a little less daunting. She had a hard time focusing; instead she kept daydreaming about the feel of Peeta's lips pressed on to hers, the feel of his tongue warring its way into her mouth. No, not a bad day at all. She longed to find some alone time with him in the near future and from the looks Peeta was throwing her all afternoon she thought he felt the same.


	14. Chapter 14

Shattered

Chapter 14

Only One

_Katniss_

Peeta's revelations in Cinna's office did not diminish any feelings she had for him, they intensified them. After leaving his side after a hasty dinner she retreated back to her room where she found Rue bouncing on the heels of her feet waiting for her to return.

"There you are! Where have you been? I've been so worried!" Rue exclaimed as she threw her arms around her.

"I've been…" she paused for a moment, she wasn't supposed to let people know about Peeta, but this was Rue, one of the few people she trusted here, she'd need her as an alibi. "Listen Rue, I'm going to tell you something but you have to promise me you won't breathe a word of it to anyone else, you understand?" She put her arm on the slight girls shoulder and led her over to a bed to talk in harried whispers. "I was with Peeta in Cinna's office. Going over everything… I can't tell you his story, that's not mine to tell but Cinna is definitely breaking the rules by letting me in there with him."

She was worrying her lip back and forth when Rue blurted out, "No wonder Coin's been on a bender!" Katniss raised her eyebrow and turned to look at Rue directly prompting her to continue. "She was looking for Peeta and then when she couldn't find him she went cavorting all over the school looking for you and when she couldn't find you she seemed to really lose it. She went in to see Snow at one point when you weren't in the dining area, but when she returned for class this afternoon she was spitting venom."

Immediately Katniss began to worry. If they caught wind of what Cinna had done. And he had already cryptically mentioned something about being there for each other if he was removed. What had that been about? "That woman has it out for Peeta big time, I think even more than she has it out for me." Katniss announced as she stood to pull her cotton sleep pants and tank top out of her drawer. She quickly slipped out of her school uniform and into her comfortable pajamas.

"I think that woman has it out for anyone that's half way decent if you ask me." Rue spat as she stood to grab her toothbrush and join Katniss in the bathroom to get ready for bed. Though they didn't see any other students they kept their banter to safer topics as they brushed their teeth and readied for bed.

As Katniss was pulling up the covers to go to sleep she couldn't suppress the knot of worry that had formed in her stomach. Just deep down she knew something bad was brewing she just didn't know what it might be or if she could do anything to stop it. She just hoped that they could all come through it in one piece. Especially Peeta, he'd been through enough and was starting to make some real progress. She didn't want to see him take steps backwards because of a vindictive teacher's vendetta against him. She wondered what Alma Coin's motive was in breaking students as she did. Why was she so cruel? The mystery of the cruel woman seemed to follow into Katniss dreams causing her to toss and turn in terror for a better part of the night.

Katniss was on edge for the next few days just waiting for something to happen. Peeta was excused from classes for the remainder of the week so Katniss collected his assignments each day and brought them to Cinna's where she got to have dinner with the two of them. She wished she could see Peeta more but she was happy she got to spend time with him at all. Coin seemed oddly quiet and even subdued; she wasn't sure if it was an act or if she merely had her nose bent.

Finally Friday's group session had concluded with Cinna wishing them well. All of the students were glad to have him back conducting group as the last session Haymitch had tried to conduct the session with Cinna's notes but seemed to bumble his way through them. Katniss was hard pressed to stamp down her glee at the excitement of spending some quality time with Peeta this evening when Cinna called for her as she left the room.

Rue hung by the door pretending to tie her shoes and sift through her bag to keep an eye out. It had become their routine as of late to keep an eye out for any student eavesdropping on their conversations. Katniss's heart swelled at Rue's faithfulness and support, she really had done the right thing in trusting her with the truth.

"Katniss I know you had plans for tonight but I'm sorry Peeta's gone for the afternoon, he won't be home until this evening." Cinna whispered to her softly.

"What do you mean gone? Where did he go?" Her heart rate had rapidly picked up speed imagining all the places they could have taken him to.

"Snow himself has taken Peeta to have his cast removed." Cinna put his hand on her shoulder and looked directly at her with his cinnamon eyes. He was trying to convey something to her, she just didn't know what.

"Snow? Why would Sn-" She stopped suddenly as the message sunk in. Snow shouldn't be taking him at all. What was going on? Was he questioning Peeta? Was he threatening him? Her heart felt like it was slamming against her ribcage in her panic. She only hoped that he would be okay, he was looking so much better now that they were open about everything. She knew it had felt like an enormous weight off her shoulders the moment she had chosen to confide her thoughts to Peeta about her family and she imagined he felt the same at sharing his past with her. He seemed to glow and smile more than she had seen him yet. He still had periods of melancholy and grief as to be expected but each day she could see him coming around the bend and moving forward with his life.

"He should be back around six or so for dinner, I'm sure he'll meet up with you there." Cinna said before turning to collect his belongings effectively dismissing her. Another message, was he worried about being overheard as well? Was she just being paranoid or was someone trying to listen in. Katniss was pretty sure she picked up on the last clue. Don't go looking for Peeta, see him in a public place, they can't question something that every other student may be doing. He would meet her at six.

Rue looked at Katniss questioningly when she emerged. Katniss leaned into the girls shoulder and whispered "Tell you later." Instead of heading directly to see Peeta or go to dinner early as she had planned the girls headed to the library to get a head start on some of their assignments to get them out of the way.

"Ugh, we are on library rotation next week." Rue admonished as she pulled out a chair to sit in in the back of the library.

"I actually don't mind that rotation, it's not like its laundry or the kitchens." Katniss countered as she pulled out her homework assignments.

"You just like it because you love these musty old books is all." Rue gave her a warm smile as she too settled down to get to work.

Katniss pulled out a sheet of notebook paper and scribbled a note out to Rue.

_Don't speak out loud, the walls have ears._

_Peeta went with __**Snow**__ to have his cast removed._

_Something is up… Cinna is worried._

_Peeta will be back at dinner at six, we are only to see him at the table…somewhere public._

_Tear this up into tiny pieces the moment you've finished reading it and dump it in the trash on your way out._

The moment Rue began to slowly shred the pieces as if she were doing it absent mindedly while reading her text book Katniss knew she had gotten the clues. Hopefully she didn't think that she was just being paranoid. She just felt that deep down something must be going on.

When it was nearly six Rue and Katniss had packed up their homework and headed to their dorm to deposit their bags. The evening was settling in and the sun was just breaking through the clouds as the sun was starting to set, it cast a golden light over their dorm window bathing everything in a fiery gold hue. Katniss couldn't help but long to be outside free of the rigid schedule and regime she found herself in. She had one more year to complete schooling after this… it seemed like forever.

They entered the dining hall to find that it was still crowded. Students tended to mill about on Fridays in the cafeteria before heading to movie night if one was set up or for games or clubs. Katniss, still having been new herself had yet to find any clubs or sports that might take up some of her time, was free for the remainder of the weekend. Her silver eyes quickly scanned the room looking for Peeta's mop of golden curls. Her eyes were trained from years scouring the woods for deer and turkey with her father; they were quick and accurate at taking in the details.

She sighed a little and grabbed her tray for the food line a little morosely. She piled her plate with salad and bread and a small slice of pizza.

"Really, they offer you pizza that's not half bad looking and you pile on the salad?" Her head whipped so fast that her braid smacked Peeta in the face. She felt her face break out into an enormous smile at him and she nearly threw her arms around his neck.

He eyed her carefully. "Careful Everdeen, we don't want too many people to get the wrong idea…" His voice was joking in demeanor but she could catch the hint in his eyes. People were undoubtedly watching their interaction, some of them innocently waiting to circle the news as gossip fodder, others for other more menacing reasons.

Katniss bit her lip and took a step back, her face a pale shade of red. She tugged on her braid nervously as they made their way through the lunch line. She noted that he now had two converse shoes on his feet instead of the blue cast he had been sporting the last time she had seen him. "Sorry about that… how are you?" She eyed his cast so that he could see what she was asking.

"Oh I'm okay; glad to be rid of the cast, though my foot is still a bit sore." They followed Rue to their usual table where they were greeted by Joanna and Delly as well as Thresh, Finnick and Annie. They all offered him warm smiles and welcomed him back without any question. Katniss couldn't help but smile at the close group of friends she had seemed to mysteriously acquire. It was strange how they all seem to have gravitated towards one another without really thinking about it, she marveled at how she trusted each of them implicitly. Trust had never come easily for her but these few people never seem to push her or demand anything from her. They simply were present and seemed to do anything to help her even if it was by keeping people like Cato and Glimmer at bay. They had quietly wormed themselves into her life.

Peeta plastered on his easy smile and joked with everyone about finally shedding his gimpy cast and status. "So, Peeta word has it you're finally moving into the dorms like everyone else eh?" Finnick asked as Annie poked a tomato off his plate with her fork. Finnick jokingly glared at her as he waited for Peeta's response, unaware how it seemed to make him pale.

Katniss didn't fail to notice. She slipped her hand under the table and captured his hand in her smaller one and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Peeta finally answered after pretending to chew his food for a bit, "Yeah, looks like I'll be packing up my stuff tonight actually. "

"Who'd you get roomed with? Can't be too many rooms available with the uppers." Thresh noted as he chugged from his carton of milk. "Or did you get shackled with a freshman?"

"Looks like I'm rooming with Cato." Peeta tried to reply nonchalantly but Katniss could feel the clammy wet skin and the small tremor in his hand. The group at large grew quiet at the news, Joanna's mouth dropped open.

Katniss's heart beat erratically in her chest. She was scared for him. Sure he had made tons of progress this week but it was only after a near complete breakdown. He would no longer get to retreat to his room for privacy, he'd be constantly on edge, and he'd be constantly watched. She would no longer be able to slip into his room to comfort him as she had previously, he wouldn't be able to sneak away to her either.

Peeta looked over at her and squeezed her hand back under the table. He mouthed the words "its okay," to her. She offered him a weak smile dropping her head as she swirled her fork through the last dredges of the ranch dressing and salad bits. She kept her eyes down in case they gave her away. This was the worst possible scenario as far as roommates were concerned. Cato was loathed by many but most of the students feared him and would do anything to stay in his good graces, including ratting on people to him. Cato was one of the few that seemed to get along with Coin and Snow had never punished Cato even when he had been caught red handed doing something completely against the rules. Like beating the crap out of students or taking personal effects from younger students.

They all stayed in the dining area until the room had cleared almost completely. Finnick and Thresh were headed out for a soccer game and Rue and Katniss were going to join them. "I'll see you out there guys, I'm just going to take my box of stuff up to my new room. Save me a seat!" He threw on his easy smile but Katniss could see the worry in his eyes.

She longed to accompany him but she knew she wasn't allowed on the boys' floor of the dorms and she didn't need anyone, especially Coin or Cato putting together the pieces of her relationship with Peeta. Instead she headed out to the brightly lit soccer field and took a seat with Joanna and Rue as the group of guys separated into two teams to have a good match. Though there were no organized sports to speak of students often put together their own teams to play off one another. Some took it more seriously than others.

Katniss took a seat on the small wooden bleachers next to Rue and Joanna and made sure to save room for Peeta when he arrived. The night air was a bit chilly so she pulled her sweater more tightly around her. She tried to keep focus on the game but the longer the shadows became the more her eyes drifted to the entrance in anticipation of Peeta. What was taking him so long? Was he okay? She longed to get answers from him.

She had just about convinced herself that she needed to go find him and rescue him when he finally came limping across the dark shadows of the sidelines when the game was nearly half over. "Is this seat taken?" He asked her with a smirk on his face.

"Help yourself." She tried to appear nonchalant in case anyone was watching their exchange. "See you are still limping, still a bit sore eh?" Katniss asked him as she kept her eyes on the ball trying to keep from staring into his blue eyes and getting lost in them.

"Well hauling my bag and a box of my stuff up all those flights of stairs certainly didn't help it much. The doctors said I'll have some aches and pains and swelling for a while. I've got a brace on; they said it will take a long while to heal the rest of the way. For now I'm to do some stretches and physical therapy for gym class to keep it limbered up." He too kept his eyes on the game though she could feel him press his leg against the length of hers and she took comfort in his warm reassuring presence.

"So how was your day?" She asked as she finally chanced a glance at him. His eyes looked blood shot and exhausted but at least he still seemed to be keeping it together.

"It was… interesting." Peeta drew out his answer and gave her a knowing look before bringing his eyes back to the game.

"I'm sure." Katniss answered demurely.

"Have you talked to Cinna lately?" Peeta asked her softly.

"He mentioned you were getting your cast off," she dropped her voice off to a near whisper and leaned down like she was fixing her shoe lace. "He mentioned that people were watching and listening, that things weren't what they seemed. That Snow had taken a personal interest in you, not to mention that vindictive bitch Coin."

Peeta couldn't help the smirk that came on his face at her curse. "Yeah that pretty much sums it up. Snow just asked me a whole lot of questions and told me I would be rooming with Cato, he questioned me a lot about Cinna, and I don't think he likes him much."

Katniss sat back upright and leaned into to ask Rue how the game was going. Rue was quick and if she looked shocked to find Katniss suddenly talking to her she didn't show it. She picked up on Katniss's clue quickly, "Well that Gale boy sure is fine, and he's certainly giving Cato a run for his money."

Katniss bit her lip, as much as she hated Cato she really hoped he won his match tonight, she didn't need him in a foul mood the first night Peeta had to share with him. So she returned her attention to the game even yelling along with Joanna at some of the dirty plays she was witnessing. She basked in the feel of Peeta's closeness because she was unsure when she'd be able to sit near him like this again.

All too early the game ended as they quickly approached curfew. Thankfully, Cato's team pulled off a narrow win, helped undoubtedly by Cato's cheap shots. He seemed to be boasting about himself and his skills all the way back to the showers. Katniss walked as slowly as she could next to Peeta and not draw attention to herself. When they parted ways as she left to enter her part of the dorm she offered him a sad wave and a soft "good luck". Hopefully Cato's foul temper would at least be dulled tonight with his win fresh in his mind.

_A/N: Hope you all enjoyed that chapter. I'm rather proud of myself… updating two stories in one day. I was hit with the writing bug. I really like the way this story is progressing but I'd love to hear your feedback. Hit me up on Tumblr if I you like! Chasechick!_


	15. Chapter 15

Shattered 15

Peeta

Peeta had shuffled what little belongings he had into Cato's dorm room earlier in the evening while he had been at the soccer match. Peeta wasn't naive enough to think that he owned any part of that space. He simply tucked away his belongings out of sight trying to make his presence as small as possible in the slightly cramped quarters. The few belongings that he prized, a few photos and his sketch pad were tucked under the far corner of his mattress near the wall, hopefully safe from Cato's prying eyes.

As far as he could tell the room was nothing different than all the rest. Its size and furniture were an almost an exact replica of Katniss and Rue's dorm room, though their room had been a source of comfort, a place to relax. Cato's room offered nothing comforting and was overwhelmingly… Cato. Various pieces of sports equipment were littered haphazardly around the room, his books were tossed over his desk, and papers littered the floor next to it.

After meeting with his friends at the match Peeta retreated to the dorm; he had switched into his sleep pants and shirt and quickly retreated to the bathroom to wash up before Cato returned. As curfew quickly approached he grabbed his book for English class from his bag to read before bed hoping to get one chunk of his assignment completed, if anything it might bore him to sleep quicker. His ankle throbbed from all the walking he had done, though it was a bit less cumbersome getting around without the bulk of a cast. He eased the air cast off and flexed his swollen ankle before tossing the brace to the bottom of the bed within easy reach if he needed it. He had just settled back on his pillows when the door banged open loudly and Cato entered as he shouted a loud goodbye to some of his team mates that were headed to their rooms.

Cato wasn't as big as some of the boys Peeta had seen here at Panam, but he was definitely in shape, and he was cocky to a fault, one might think he was overcompensating but he won any fights he entered. His arms bulged with muscles and you could see how well defined his shoulders and chest were as they pushed against the opaque material of their uniform shirts. Tonight Cato was dressed in comfortable athletic shorts and a t-shirt, his hair still damp from a quick shower in the locker room. He slammed the door and cast Peeta a shrewd look before kicking off his shoes and plopping down unceremoniously on his bed.

"What's up bread boy? Finally made it up here with the big boys huh?" Cato began waiting to see how Peeta would take the ribbing.

"Guess so." Peeta answered calmly before returning to the book in his hand.

"Just so we are clear, I run this room, you understand? You don't have any privileges, any freedom, nothing you get me?" Cato stated pushing out his chest to make himself appear larger.

Peeta simply nodded his response, he had already surmised as much when Snow had announced his roommate, who had no doubt been suggested by Coin.

"You even think of pissing me off and I'll turn you in and you just see what happens then." Peeta swallowed thickly as he tried not to let his emotions get the better of him. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty little girl of yours now would we?" His smirk was dark and foreboding, the thinly veiled threat made his stomach turn to ice. He knew about Katniss, but did that mean everyone did or was Cato bluffing hoping to call him out on it?

Peeta thought it best not to comment one way or the other letting Cato think what he wanted. Cato grunted when Peeta didn't want to argue. Cato lay down on the bed and tossed the basketball in the air before catching it expertly in his palm. Peeta returned to his book but he couldn't focus on the text. His mind was racing with thoughts of Katniss and what Cato might be able to do without fear of any consequences looming over his head.

Saturday morning Peeta rose early to hit the showers and enjoy a few minutes of privacy, he had slept tumultuously at best but the thought of spending some time with Katniss today seemed to give him renewed energy. He was dressed and headed down to the nurse for his meds and to breakfast while Cato was still snoring loudly on the bed. After swallowing his meds he made his way to the dining area and grabbed himself some fruit and a bagel before sitting down at the table nearest the windows to enjoy the weak morning sunshine. Katniss, Rue and Delly came in not long after and joined him to quietly eat. Johanna followed at short while later with Finnick and Thresh.

"Seriously, would it kill them to offer some damn coffee in this prison?" Joanna cursed as she turned her soggy raisin bran over with her spoon resulting a soggy splat. Peeta couldn't help but grin at Joanna, he wouldn't mind a bit of caffeine to get going but the odds of them offering it weren't in their favor. The group chuckled at her and commiserated over the lack of caffeine.

After breakfast they headed to the library where Katniss and Rue had their work study and Peeta found a secluded table determined to finish up the homework he had fallen behind on before the start of the new school week. He'd finished his math homework and read the English assignment, he still needed to type up his essay that he had written long hand and finish writing up his questions for History, but he had made definite progress by lunch.

Katniss and Rue had hauled him down to the cafeteria to grab some sandwiches and drinks before leading him to the side yard to lounge in the warm afternoon sunlight while they ate. The sun was warm on his skin it felt like it was warming him inside, thawing the ice that had lodged itself there on what seemed to be a semi-permanent basis. His mind traveled to the previous night and Cato's words, Peeta's eyes shot out searching for Katniss instinctively, ensuring that she was safe. She was laughing at Rue who had thrown some early sprouting dandelions at her. His heart stuttered in his chest, she really was achingly beautiful. The sun shown off her dark braid making strands of it glint in the sun like spun copper. She seemed to come alive with the warm spring air. She must have felt his eyes on her and she turned to look at him catching his eyes. She offered him a warm smile before she blushed and looked to the ground.

"Hey I think I see Delly, I have to go ask her about an assignment." Rue said eying the two of them before standing and brushing off her skirt. She bounded away toward Delly who was walking towards the gardening shed to start her shift.

Katniss looked coyly up at Peeta through her lashes and gave him a soft smile. He smiled back at her and for just this moment he was happy. "I wish I could just freeze this moment right here," he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

She slid her hand casually across the soft grass where his hand lay and placed her hand over it giving it a soft squeeze. "How are you doing, how bad was last night, with Cato?"

He wanted to appease her and tell her everything was fine but he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. "He wasn't terrible, ignored me for the most part, but…" He swallowed thickly and felt the tell-tale burn of tears prick his eyes.

"But?" She asked tossing her braid off her shoulder to look at him in the eye.

"He threatened you Katniss. He said if I stepped out of line… he knows about you, about us."

"Hey, nothing's going to happen okay, it will be alright. Hey look at me Peeta."

He glanced up at her and he could see the concern etched in the lines of her face. Without thinking he brought his hand up to her face to cup her cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb against her soft skin. "Just promise me you'll be careful. You know… keep the girls with you if you can, don't go anywhere alone, I don't know what he's capable of Katniss."

He dropped his hand and she backed her hand off of his aware they were in a very public place. "I will be careful I promise. I worry about you though, alone with him… tell me you'll get out of there if you have to."

"I will Katniss." His voice had grown gravely at his attempt to tamp down his emotion.

Rue was bouncing back in their direction smiling warmly. She resumed her spot next to Katniss, gracefully folding in on herself like a graceful cat as she daintily sat back down. "What'd I miss?" She asked eyeing both of their solemn expressions.

"Oh the usual. Some big plot in the works, evil henchmen, sordid things." Katniss's voice was light but Rue's brow furrowed and one look at Peeta told her what she needed to know.

"Cato." Peeta confirmed. "Nothing specific, so just keep your eyes peeled."

Katniss's sharp eyes flicked to their surroundings to make sure there was no way any could hear their conversation. "What do you think is going on Peeta? Why is Cato suddenly your prison guard? He gets away with whatever he wants here. Why did Cinna worry about having to leave? Something isn't right I can feel it, deep down I know something is boiling just under the surface. And that Coin…" Her voice dropped off and she shook her head to angry to continue.

Peeta tugged on the grass pulling tufts of it up in his nervousness. "I don't know what's going on I've been trying to figure that out myself but I can't seem to make sense of it. I think we might be missing pieces to the puzzle. I just wish we could find out!" He tossed the grass in frustration and it fluttered in the spring breeze into Rue's lap. He looked at her apologetically but she simply smiled at him and brushed off the offending blades.

"Well maybe we should start looking." Katniss said her voice even and measured.

"How are we going to do that? We don't even know what we are looking for or who might have it." Rue said as she leaned back on her elbows to look up at the quickly forming puffy clouds.

"Well we can just keep our eyes peeled for anything unusual. We can just take advantage of any opportunity when we get it. Talk to some teachers; just be real casual about it. Maybe we could ask some of the others if they've noticed anything unusual." Peeta suggested.

"I don't think we should tell too many people." Katniss's eyes jumped up to his and her voice was sharp.

His eyes softened as he recalled her fear of trusting people, "I'm not talking about everyone, just those we are friends with, we don't even have to tell them what is going on, our suspicions, we can just casually feel them out in a conversation and just see if they've noticed anything. Okay?" He knitted his eyebrows as he asked her softly.

She simply nodded in agreement. "Maybe we could start with Cinna, Peeta. When are you supposed to meet with him again?"

Peeta chewed on his lower lip. "Not until Monday afternoon, unless something happens before then. Should I have something happen Katniss? Do we need to move on this sooner than that?"

She looked at him strangely for a moment before answering. "I think Monday should be fine Peeta, no use in using that wild card to get in touch with him. We can save that one for an emergency… like getting you out of Coin's class if she turns nasty again."

Rue sat idly by watching the two have their semi-private exchange. She didn't pry but Peeta could see her trying to follow the confusing conversation. He took pity on her and let her in. "I have an anxiety disorder Rue; I think you were witness to that unfortunate event in the stairwell?" Rue nodded quietly and he continued, "Well I figure if something is getting nuts I can pull that out of the hat and someone can go get Cinna, it's something at least, I know he knows something is up… he's mentioned something's amiss but I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be around and I don't want to draw any more attention to him by seeing him any more than usual."

"I trust Haymitch too Peeta. " Katniss announced. It took him aback for a moment. For her to openly admit she trusted someone meant she really did, she didn't give trust easily. He nodded his head to her.

"Okay, so if anything happens let's reach out to Cinna or Haymitch. If you find something notable make sure no one else is around before telling someone else. Or if you have to write it down or print it out or something make sure to hide it some place safe." Peeta finished as he stood up still favoring his ankle. Katniss quirked an eyebrow at him, he smiled back at her. "Still not 100 percent, it aches a little, I won't lie, but I don't miss that damn cast."

The clouds rolled through overhead casting a dark shadow over the sun. The once brilliant afternoon was now cloaked in shadow. Peeta felt a shiver pass down him and his eyes scanned their surroundings, it felt like their eyes were watching him but he didn't see anyone.

The three returned to the library where they continued to work on their assignments together now that Rue and Katniss had finished their shift in the library. Peeta excused himself after some time to head into the computer lab to type up his English essay. He turned on the computer and logged into his student account that had been noted on his student schedule. He was surprised to see he had several emails, most pertaining to school news and assignments.

There was an email he didn't recognize and the user name said Anonymous, he carefully clicked on it his eyes glancing around him. The other students paid him no mind as they focused on their own screens. The email was short:

Don't bother trying to play.

This is a game you can't win.

He sucked in a breath. What the hell did that mean?

_A/N: Sorry to leave a cliff hanger! But it's a good breaking point for the next chapter. I can't wait to get into the thick of this climax. Let me know what you think or come visit me on Tumblr ChaseChick!_


	16. Chapter 16

Shattered

Chapter 16

Headed for Disaster

Katniss

Katniss didn't think of herself as an overly dramatic person prone to obsess over things that may or may not happen. When Peeta had first suggested to her that something was amiss in the school she'd agreed on his behalf, but only to humor him. But now as she tapped her foot nervously against the desk leg in Haymitch's class a mere minute before the tardy bell and Peeta's seat was still empty she couldn't deny the gnawing worry that had settled into her stomach. She hadn't worried so much since her father had passed away.

Just as the tardy bell started to ring and Haymitch moved to shut the heavy door Peeta skirted past him. Haymitch gave him a warning glare and Peeta mumbled an apology before he stumbled back to his seat. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed, his curly hair sticking out adorably, his cheek still red, his uniform shirt un-tucked and his shoes untied. He didn't meet her curious stare as he slid in to his seat and unloaded his bag.

When Haymitch finished the first of the day's lessons he gave the class a five minute break before they switched subjects. The students chuckled as Haymitch hit his store room closet speculating he really needed to refill his flask. Katniss used the opportunity to pounce on Peeta.

"Hey, you just get out of bed or something?" She asked in a hush whisper, her wary eyes scanning the room to anyone that might be paying attention to them. Rue glanced at Peeta and frowned. Sure enough when Peeta brought his face to hers she could see why. His eyes were blood shot and the dark circles nearly looked painted on they were so dark. "Are you okay?" She mouthed to him the worry in her gut turning into a churning mass.

He nodded and leaned down to tie his unlaced sneakers. "Just tired, I haven't gotten much sleep."

When he popped back up in his seat he glanced at her again, he must have read her anger on her face. "He hasn't done anything but I haven't had the easiest time sleeping with him there."

She was saved from giving him any more lectures when Haymitch called things back to order and she was forced to focus on the classifications of genomes. Or at least she tried to but she couldn't help stealing glances at Peeta and worrying about his predicament. It had been nearly two weeks since he'd had to move in with Cato and it was starting to take a toll. She decided she'd start really looking into things, if nothing more than to try and get him out of Cato's clutches and somewhere where he could actually rest. A small part of her selfishly wanted to do it so that they could be more open about each other. They'd exchanged only a handful of kisses, they never seemed to find themselves alone together at all.

When class broke for lunch Peeta excused himself and made his way back to his room to try and take advantage of the Cato free hour to get a little more rest before PE. Now that his foot had been removed from his cast and he had managed to regain his gait without a limp he was cleared for activity so he'd be joining them outside for whatever sport had been chosen for the day. They'd rearranged his schedule so that Peeta's counseling sessions took place during the other junior's study halls.

Rue and Katniss made their way to the dining area and were quietly discussing when they would find time to do their homework when they overheard Cato talking to one of his buddies, Marvel as they headed down the stairwell. "All set for tonight?" Marvel asked him.

"Oh yeah, should be fun." Cato answered with a jarring smirk on his face. They could be talking about anything she reasoned. But one more glance at Cato and she suppressed a shiver that ran the length of her. No, she didn't think it was something innocent. Cato never looked that happy unless he was making someone else miserable. She hoped that whoever he was plotting against it wasn't Peeta, or any of her new circles of friends.

Rue must have caught the conversation too because she looked at Katniss with a mirrored expression of worry. "What are we going to do Katniss?" She leaned into whisper in Katniss's ear as they filled their trays for lunch.

Katniss dropped her tray with a little more force than was necessary onto a table, "Nothing we really can do except be on guard I guess." She stabbed her salad with a vengeance.

"Easy there Catnip what did that piece of lettuce ever do to you?" Gale joked as he came to stand beside the table. Katniss couldn't help but smile as she looked up at him.

"Hi Gale, how ya been?" She asked.

"Well no one's tried to take out my leg recently so…" They both laughed at that.

"Well we do have PE next we can try and remedy that." He laughed heartily at that as he waved and left to join a group of seniors that he sat with.

"See you later." He hollered and Katniss ducked her head as she could feel a room full of eyes focus in on her.

"Well that's a new development." Johanna said as she joined the table.

"What?" Katniss asked as Johanna continued to stare at her.

"Nothing, just didn't realize you were playing the field." Even though they had tried to keep their feelings a secret, there inner circle of friends were aware of Katniss and Peeta's feelings for one another, for Joanna to think she was messing around on Peeta was infuriating.

Katniss felt her face flush with anger. "I am not playing any field… Gale is just a friend." Johanna didn't flinch at Katniss's tone she merely nodded her head as she opened her carton of milk and proceeded to talk to Annie and Finnick as they approached the table hand in hand.

Katniss tuned out the drone of the conversation until she felt Rue nudge her to leave. "Katniss?" Rue asked in her soft tone, "Are you okay?"

"Hmm, what?" Katniss asked startled as she brought her head up to look up from her feet as they headed to the locker room to change.

"I asked if you were okay, you've been kinda quiet since Gale and Jo…" She asked timidly and immediately Katniss relaxed. She felt bad that she was so on edge that she had made Rue scared to approach her.

"Yes Rue I'm fine. I guess I'm just worried and when Joanna said that earlier it just tipped me a little too far I guess."

Rue relaxed into a smile as Katniss seemed to let go of some of her tension. After slipping into their uniform gray shirts, black shorts and athletic shoes they followed the line of girls out the door to the field for class. Katniss immediately began searching for Peeta and feared that he might have overslept when she spotted him on the other side of Gale. She brought her hand up to wave without thinking and both returned it. Peeta looked at Gale and then to Katniss puzzled but Gale didn't even seemed to notice Peeta. Katniss felt her heart sink as she caught Peeta's whole body language turn dark. His shoulder's slumped, his eyes trained on the ground in front of him, he was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth so hard Katniss feared he'd draw blood.

She wanted to approach him and lay her hand on his arm to comfort him, to reassure him that everything was okay but she wasn't given the opportunity. They started their warm up run around the grounds and the only sounds that could be heard were the footfalls of the students and heavy breathing as they trekked around the country landscape.

Katniss was lost in her own thoughts; she basked in the sunlight, the smell of the outdoors and the physical exertion it brought, it almost felt like home. She seemed to think so much more clearly with her heart pumping, all thoughts and worries seemed to fall away; usually she would get her best ideas when she was outside like this. She ran at her own pace and finished among the first of the students. She sat to rest and stretch and watched the line of students waiting for Rue and Peeta to trickle in.

Rue followed not too long after her short legs moved quick and fast, she collapsed and caught her breath a small smile playing on her lips. "I wish we could have gym every day when it's this nice out." She announced as she sat up to stretch out her legs. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out and the sky was a clear blue with only an occasional puff of cloud as far as the eye could see. The weather had warmed into the low seventies and just a soft breeze blew through the air carrying just a small hint of rain with it.

Katniss continued to stare down the path as the remaining students dwindled in. Still no Peeta. The few students that she could see that had resorted to walking were even making their way in, still no Peeta. That overwhelming sense of worry resurfaced in her again and she stood to her feet as she still hadn't spotted him her brow furrowed in concern. Rue observed Katniss as she continued to unabashedly stare at the unofficial finish line. When still no glint of his blonde hair had made an appearance Katniss whispered, "I'm just going to go look for him."

Their teacher and assistant were still prepping for class so Katniss quickly jogged back down the path. She found Peeta around the next bend in the slightly wooded section of the path, his t-shirt was covered in sweat, and it nearly looked charcoal gray, his blonde locks were plastered to his head, his cheeks beat red with excursion. She let out a breath of air she hadn't realized she was holding. She stopped and turned to jog with him. "Hey, I was worried."

"Well don't, I'm fine." He snapped at her.

Katniss recoiled like she had been slapped. He was angry with her. No doubt because of the debacle with Gale earlier. "Peeta listen, I was waving to you, Gale is just a friend."

"Yea I got it, but does he know that?" Peeta puffed out his response. Katniss bit her lip. Honestly the question had never come up. She had simply assumed that Gale had only wanted her friendship, what else would he be after? She remained silent and Peeta seemed to take that as his answer, Katniss slowed to a walk and let Peeta finish before her. She walked sulkily back over to Rue while Peeta rested on the ground next to Finnick and oddly enough Gale.

"Everything okay?" Joanna asked. Katniss startled, she hadn't noticed Joanna across from her in their little impromptu circle

"Fine." She bit out before focusing her attention on the instruction.

Archery. Normally Katniss would have been thrilled, more than thrilled. But the feeling was bittersweet. This was something she had treasured with her father and even used the skill to put food on the table after his demise. Now she felt so tumultuous she couldn't even decide what she was feeling. She felt sad, she missed her father and her old life, she felt bitter that her mother had abandoned her when she needed her most, she felt angry at Coin and the strain she was putting on her relationship with Peeta, she felt confused over Peeta's reaction to Gale. Still with all that tumbling in her brain she still managed to nail the target accurately.

"Wow good shot Katniss." Gale called out as a few rested their bows down to watch her shoot. She caught Peeta's eye roll out of the side of her eye and let another arrow fly and felt victorious as it sank into the target with a resounding thud.

After disassembling their bows and turning in the arrows they each wheeled a target with a partner back to the storage shed. After Katniss and Rue had successfully set theirs down they made their way slowly back to the locker rooms to shower before heading to the cafeteria to start dinner duty. Katniss kept her eyes averted as her thoughts churned in her violently. She longed to see Peeta but at the same time she wanted to hide from his probing stare. She nearly felt angry at his accusations over her friendship with Gale, she thought they were past all this.

She didn't have to worry about seeing him, by the time she and Rue had finished prepping the food and headed out to eat themselves he had already eaten and then left to his assigned job that week in the library. Katniss pushed her mashed potatoes around with a fork without really eating them and tried to put on her usual air of indifference, the only trouble was having friends now. They seemed to notice her somber mood as well as the lack of time she had been with Peeta. She kept her eyes on her trey; she hated seeing their knowing glances.

After dinner Katniss returned to her room to start her homework declining Rue's offer to join her and Madge in the library. She needed some time alone, she couldn't think with people around her 24/7. She didn't know if she was avoiding Peeta or why but she just wasn't ready to face him yet. She hated that she seemed to have disappointed him and that they still hadn't gotten anywhere with finding out what was going on around the school. She had thought they had moved past the doubts that lingered when they had first declared their feelings for one another. Perhaps Peeta was just tired or stressed and he was having an off day. Her thoughts raced circles in her head and she had to keep pulling herself back on track to make any progress in her homework at all.

Katniss had just finished reading the History chapter when the jarring of the fire alarm sounded throughout the building. A lead weight felt like it had dropped in her stomach. Cato! She had completely forgotten he was up to something with all the emotions arguing with Peeta had brought up, he had said _tonight!_ She hastily slid her shoes back on and grabbed her sweater off the end of the bed. She had to find Peeta and Rue and make sure they were okay. The unease of not knowing what was going to happen was enough to make her hands trembled as she turned the knob on her door.

A/N: Sorry this has taken so long to get here. I wanted to finish my other WIP fic, Peeta's Solution so that I could devote myself to one story for now. I wanted to get this out last week but my life and my brain were not having it. I re-wrote this chapter twice and I'm still not 100 percent happy with it… I am excited for the next chapter… which I will get started on first thing tomorrow for you all. Thanks for all you loyal followers for being so patient with me! Join me on Tumblr… Chasechick


	17. Chapter 17

Shattered

Chapter 17

Peeta

The blaring of the fire alarm startled Peeta who was leaning precariously on a shelf trying to shelve a particularly heavy tomb to its rightful place on the top shelf. He was able to pull his weight off the leaning shelf in time to keep it from falling over but he couldn't regain his balance fast enough and fell in an unceremonious heap on the floor with several books following. He landed heavily on his elbow and it caused a shooting pain up his arm, he bit his lip to keep from calling out and could taste the copper from the blood in his mouth.

"Perfect." He said as he sat up and surveyed his injuries. A quick look around the room showed that it was deserted, he wasn't even aware of where he needed to be for a fire drill. He wasn't in any particular hurry, it was a drill, they always were drills. He heaved himself back up to his feet and continued to rub his elbow the shooting pain dulling to a persistent ache.

He mused over his options. He could wander around until he found the rest of the student body and attempt to fit in or he could hang out here until they all returned and blend back in as everyone filtered to their respective rooms. Or… a sudden thought came to him. Perhaps this drill was an opportunity. Right now all the administrators and teachers were clamoring about in attempt to coral the students into some semblance of order, this left their offices and rooms vacant.

He didn't figure he had much time. It was a toss-up between the two offices that would likely lead to some sort of information Coin's or Snow's. Snow's office was all the way on the ground floor… Coin's on the other hand wasn't very far it all. Peeta put on a burst of speed as he reached his decision determined not to waste another moment of this well timed distraction.

He hustled down the dimly lit corridors and breathed a sigh of relief when he reached Coin's office without having seen a soul. The fire alarms had finally quit blaring and the only sound Peeta could hear was the ringing in his ear and the sound of his own heart beating. He held his breath as he moved to turn the handle and prayed that it wasn't locked. The handle turned and the old door creaked on its hinges as he shoved it forward. A quick glance around the room told him that Coin had joined the teachers and students on the lawn.

He hated being in this room. The harsh words she inflicted on him that night still left him feeling sick. He shook his head to dispel the unhelpful train of thought and moved to her desk. He found nothing interesting in any of her drawers, the usual teacher paraphernalia, pencils, pens, white out, stapler. He moved to the file cabinets she kept along the wall and was disheartened that it only contained class materials and portfolios of each of the students. Peeta quickly pulled his folder to find his lengthier essays within, nothing noteworthy or incriminating on Coin's behalf.

If anything was going on with Coin it was apparent he wasn't going to find out by looking through her classroom, if anything she probably kept it in her personal quarters. Feeling defeated Peeta quickly retreated through the dark room and crept out into the hall. It was still eerily quiet, apparently the students had yet to return. Peeta decided rather than make an appearance out on the lawn now and try to explain his absence he'd find a place to hide until students came back in. Thinking the easiest way to blend in would be the main entrance Peeta made his way there and slipped in the closet under the stairs where the cleaning supplies were kept. In the dark he could barely make out the shapes of the mops and buckets and shelves lined with toiletries and disinfectant. The smell of the cleaner was so strong it nearly burned his nose.

He heard voices and some muffled noise but it was too quiet to be the students trudging back in, curiosity got the better of him and he cracked the door to peak out to see if he could see anything. The lights were dim but he could see two figures dragging a third one behind them, the sight made Peeta's blood run cold. What the hell was going on?

He could unmistakably hear the grunts and moans of someone being hit. Without thinking of the consequences Peeta burst forth from the room to help the person in need. He rounded the main entrance where two figures were leaned over a slumped third. Though they had masks on he could no doubt tell that one of them was Cato, he had on those horrible Nikes he liked to brag about, the other was probably his partner in crime Marvel. The third figure had a sac on his head and they had tied him to the banister on the bottom of the stairs and were just finished cutting off his shirt and pulling off his pants leaving him only clad in his boxers. His head lolled on his shoulders so he apparently wasn't conscious.

"Hey," Peeta yelled taking after the assailants. Cato was quick he always was but Marvel wasn't nearly as fast opting to take one last kick at the prone figure. Peeta managed to grasp the back of his shirt and pull him back. He leaned his shoulder and tried to knock him off his feet but Marvel was heavy and roughly slammed Peeta into the wall. The blow knocked Peeta's breath from him and made his already banged elbow throb all over again. Marvel released him but Peeta was determined and took after him again. He didn't see Cato who had stopped in the shadows stick out his foot. Peeta couldn't stop in time and caught his newly healed ankle on it and slammed into the wall as the two bandits escaped unscathed around the corner.

His ankle hurt, his ribs ached, he had been absolutely useless. He tried to walk but it hurt too much so he crawled on his hands and knees back to the figure Cato and Marvel had left behind. He shakily pulled the burlap sack off his head just as the front door burst open and students and teachers spilled through.

The noise quieted suddenly as they all caught a glimpse of the scene before them. Peeta, shaking and sweaty, Gale nearly naked and unconscious tied to a post.

"What in the blazes is going on here, why aren't you students heading off to bed?" Peeta could here Haymitch's voice as he pushed his way forward through the crowd, at least it wasn't Coin. The ringing in Peeta's ears and the rush of his blood was almost deafening. Peeta's eyes scanned the room looking for the face he truly longed to see.

He found her determinedly pushing her way forward just as Haymitch burst through the crowd. Haymitch said something to him but he couldn't make heads or tails of it. Peeta's eyes roved over Katniss as she made her way forward followed by Rue. Her face was creased in lines of worry and he was almost happy at her look of concern. But then her eyes roved over to Gale and stayed there. Haymitch was untying Gale and running his fingers over him to find injuries. He laid him gently down on the tile floor as he continued to bark out orders that Peeta couldn't seem to comprehend. Everything was fading in and out, the black spots growing thicker with each passing moment. He sat back on his butt hard determined to keep conscious. He leaned heavily against the wall and tried to focus on his breathing, to get it to slow down.

The room seemed to stand still and move all at the same time. The nurse, Cinna and a few other staff burst forward to assist Haymitch. Coin was determinedly corralling the students off to bed and simultaneously ordering anyone who knew anything to come forward immediately. No one seemed to pay Peeta any mind and if he could he would disappear right through the wall. What if they thought he had something to do with it? Would Gale even know what had happened? Would they hang him for this?

He looked one last time at Rue and Katniss as they made their way past to return for the night. Katniss kept her eyes trained on Gale the whole time. It was like Peeta was invisible. As his breathing started to return to normal and the blackness receded from his vision he realized how tired he was and how much he hurt. The adrenaline from his failed rescue attempt was fading and it left him feeling so completely exhausted and depressed. He could barely fight the exhaustion and his eyes started fluttering. No one had told him to stay put so he figured if he could just get up he'd be able to return to his room. He had to face the inevitable; Cato was probably up there waiting for him. Would he try to attack Peeta or would he play it off as if he had no clue what had gone on?

He tried to stand; his ankle held his weight but it wasn't painless. His head seemed to spin a bit before the room leveled out, and both his elbow and ribs throbbed in time with heart beat. He sucked in a hiss as he took two more steps up the stairs before he nearly fell back down. A hand on his shoulder saved him from further injury. Cinna's gaze met his as he guided him back to the entry level. He never said a word as he wrapped Peeta's arm around him to support his weight and slowly navigated him to the nurse's office.

The nurse was busy but Cinna laid Peeta on a cot and proceeded to access him without a thought. "Peeta can you hear me?"

Peeta simply nodded as Cinna produced a light and shined it in his eyes; Peeta squinted at the harsh light and tried to turn away but Cinna held him still. "Where are you hurt?" He asked as he ran his hands over Peeta's neck and arms looking for injury. As he came upon his elbow Peeta nearly leapt from the cot. Cinna gently turned it over to assess his injury. He marked it on the clipboard and kept examining him. He lifted his shirt and gently touched his enflamed rib cage and a nice bruise forming on his back near his kidney. Finally he moved down to Peeta's feet and ever so gently removed his shoes and socks. His ankle throbbed as Cinna slowly examined it. He made a noise to himself before returning with a blanket to cover Peeta with. "Any more anywhere else?"

Peeta simply shook his head. Cinna returned with a few ice packs and tucked them on his back, ribs and arm and used ace bandages to wrap them in place. Lastly he propped up Peeta's swollen ankle on several pillows and wrapped it with even move ice packs. The cold felt nice on his injuries but it was making him shiver. Cinna brought another blanket to place over him.

They were left undisturbed as they heard the hub of commotion no doubt surrounding Gale and his injuries. He was taken to the hospital not long after. Cinna returned to Peeta with some water and some medication. Peeta immediately recognized the anxiety pill as well as one of his pain pills and he took them both without hesitation. His head buzzed too much for him to think straight. He longed to go to sleep and forget the heart wrenching looks Katniss had shown Gale this evening.

"Peeta, can you tell me what you remember?" Cinna asked softly a short while later.

Peeta was surprised to see Haymitch and Snow standing beside him eagerly awaiting his answer.

"I was making my way outside for the fire drill, I was working in the library when it sounded and I nearly fell. I was picking up the books and making my way out, not sure where to go, so I went to the main entrance. I heard some commotion and I saw two people dragging someone. I went after them and they ran, I managed to grab one of them but we fought. When he got away again I ran after him only to be tripped by the other one who was waiting. They got away after that, I had just made my way back to Gale when everyone walked in."

His voice was barely more than a whisper. "It's okay Peeta, you can sleep now." Peeta didn't fight it he let the safety of Cinna's voice and the warmth of the blankets and medication pull him under. He didn't want to deal with reality any more today. He'd had enough.

_A/N: Don't hate on Katniss too much, you'll get her point of view in the next chapter and get to see what is going through her mind. I hope you liked this one! The next chapter will follow soon!_


	18. Chapter 18

Shattered

Chapter 18

Like Ashes in the Wind

Katniss

_Oh! My! God!_ Was the only thought that ran through Katniss's mind, it was on a continuous loop, repeating over and over in her addled brain; she just couldn't deal with the precarious situation she had suddenly found herself in. It's like her world had been violently shifted and she was quickly losing her balance and her grasp on reality.

When she had run into Rue down the hall after the alarm rang she had felt a small measurable amount of relief. She had tried to find Peeta amongst the exiting masses and had even attempted to retreat back up to the library when she couldn't find his blonde hair heading for the exit but was thwarted by Coin of all people who was making her way down the stairwell and yelling orders to the students trying to quell the chaos and establish some semblance of order.

The pit of worry in her stomach that had begun at the sound of the alarm had grown exponentially. She knew something bad was going to happen. She had an overwhelming sense of dread that sent her into a dizzying panic. She clutched at her heart as the feeling resonated with in her. It was the same heart wrenching panic she had known only a few months ago when the school bus had turned down her street and she had caught site of the police cruiser sitting in her driveway. Three agonizing stops she had to sit through before the bus reached their stop. It had felt like seconds and days all at the same time. Her father had been killed; just like that he was gone but she'd known that the moment her eyes fell on the blue and yellow of the police car.

Katniss gripped Rue's hand painfully as they stood in the dark yard with the rest of the student body. They had managed to spot most of their usual group huddled together in small groups but no matter how hard she combed through the groups of students she hadn't found him. By the time they were allowed back into the building she had nearly gnawed though her bottom lip in worry.

"Katniss slow down!" Rue called to her as Katniss dragged the smaller girl roughly through the crowds unwilling and unable to let go of her small hand and the small measure of comfort it gave her. She had to get back to the school and find him and she prayed that nothing bad had happened to him.

When they had finally parted through the stalled mass of bodies at the front entrance she managed to break through to the very front to see the unsettling scene before her. Her desperate eyes finally lay upon Peeta and quickly flicked over his disheveled appearance. He sat battered and breathless on the floor; his curls plastered to his head with sweat a bruise already forming on his prominent jaw bone and eye. His unsettling appearance did little to appease the churning in her stomach, instead of easing the worry it incited it even more.

She could lose him! Just like her father had been ripped from her she could lose Peeta and there was nothing she could do to prevent it. She hated this out of control feeling that was consuming her. She had survived her father's untimely demise because she had to, she had no other choice. Her mother and Prim needed her and that is what pushed her to keep moving, to do what had to be done. She didn't think she'd survive losing someone she loved again. This time there wasn't anyone depending on her she would certainly crumble to ash and scatter in the wind.

Looking at Peeta's yearning stare was like looking into the sun, his feelings for her were clearly displayed and they were so strong they were almost blinding to her. She had to look away because the pain of it was killing her. Part of her wanted to run to him right there in front of the entire student body and wrap her arms around him, tend to his wounds both the physical and emotional ones, to protect him from further harm. The other half of her wanted to run so far away that no one could ever find her so that she could protect her fragile heart from further heartbreak; she warred with herself before finally forcing herself to look away from him before she broke down completely. So as Peeta lay there battling for his own self-control she yanked her eyes from his intense stare and took in the rest of the scene.

Katniss didn't even bat an eye at Rue as she grasped her arm and tried to pull her hand from Katniss's painful grip. She gave Katniss a concerned look as she pulled free and flexed her fingers to make sure they still worked. She took her hand and placed it on Katniss's shoulder instead offering her a reassuring squeeze. Katniss leaned heavily upon Rue when her eyes fell upon Gale's prone form. Haymitch had already managed to untie him from his binds and lay him carefully on the tile floor. The nurse and a few staff had sprung forward to assist in care for him. He looked terrible, his face was a bloody mess and a few of his fingers seemed bent out at odd angles.

She's sure there must have been noise and chaos but all she could hear was the beating of her own heart. Rue nudged her forward past Peeta to follow the group of students being forced to return to their dorms. By the time she was able to pull herself back through the crushing fog of grief they had already pulled out of sight of Peeta.

Rue had set her down on the edge of her bed and then retreated to the bathroom to get a cold cloth and cup of water. She placed the cool cloth on the back of Katniss's neck and then urged her to sip some water. Katniss obliged even though she wasn't thirsty. She drank half the glass before shakily setting down on the desk.

"You okay?" Rue asked her.

Katniss simply nodded her head unable to meet Rue's eyes. Rue just sat perched on the chair quietly waiting for Katniss to speak. She wasn't sure how long she sat there contemplating the events of the night but finally she brought her eyes up to Rue.

"I don't think I can do this Rue." She said shakily as the emotion finally hit her, her eyes welled up and spilled over and she brought her hands to her face.

"Do what?" Rue asked as she slid seamlessly from the chair to the bed and wrapped a comforting arm around Katniss.

"I don't think I can be with Peeta anymore." She sobbed into her hands. Rue must have been taken aback by this because she pulled her hand from Katniss shoulder and leaned back to look at her.

Katniss brought her hands down to look at Rue. "Why not?" Rue asked with a confused look on her face. "Did something happen?"

Katniss shook her head. "No, I mean yes. Ugh.." She stood up and started pacing in frustration. "Well I think Peeta was angry with me because he thought Gale wanted to date me and I think he thought I was going to let it happen… which I wouldn't. I was going to talk to him about it but I didn't get a chance to and then the alarm went off."

Katniss paced back in forth in front of her bed covering the small distance in the room in four quick steps before spinning and returning back the other way. "Katniss will stop you are making me dizzy just watching you." Rue admonished as she grabbed Katniss wrist and pulled her back down to the bed. They sat cross legged facing each other as Rue waited for Katniss to continue with her explanation.

"I can't lose him Rue. It would kill me. I can't let him in any more than I already have. What if I lose him?" She looked up at Rue as her lips began to tremble and before she knew it she was all out sobbing. She wrapped her arms around the petite Rue and sobbed on her shoulder drenching her shirt in the process. Rue simply rubbed her back and rocked her softly and hummed some comforting tune.

When her eyes grew heavy with exhaustion Rue laid her down and removed her shoes and pulled the blanket up over her shoulders. Katniss couldn't fight sleep any longer and she whisper a quiet "thanks" to Rue before drifting off.

When she awoke the room was darker the only light coming from the faint glow of Rue's desk lamp. Cinna was sitting in her chair instead of Rue, he looked tired, his clothes were wrinkled and his eyes bloodshot and heavy. He smiled when he realized she had awoken. "Katniss I was hoping you were going to wake up soon."

"What time is it?" She asked groggily as she sat up and attempted to straighten her hair.

"Late, almost midnight. Rue's sleeping next door for the night." He explained as he she looked around the room. Katniss nodded in understanding.

"What's going on Cinna? What are you doing here? Is Peeta okay?" He put his hands up in the air to still her questioning.

"One thing at a time okay?" He smiled at her making his eyes crinkle up in the corners; she seemed to relax a little when he did that. "First off, I'm here to check on you. Rue came to get me after she got you to sleep; she was very worried about you. You want to talk about it?"

She shrugged her shoulders and started picking at stray fuzz on the blanket. "Not much to talk about really."

Cinna shook his head at her, "Katniss its okay to not be strong all the time, remember? We talked about this; you can let your guard down with me." When she still hadn't answered he continued. "Rue said you were really frantic and then you seemed really distant, you weren't responding to her, she said you were crying and eventually mentioned something about Peeta though she wouldn't tell me what. She's a good friend, Rue."

Katniss chewed on her tender lip as she agreed with Cinna's astute assessment of Rue's character. She wouldn't tell him the real reason of her breakdown. No, she would leave that up to Katniss to do herself. "I just had a feeling something bad was going to happen, I couldn't find Peeta during the drill and I started to panic. It felt a lot like it did when we pulled up to the house and I saw that cop car sitting in the drive when my dad died. Then when I saw him and I saw how vulnerable he was I wanted to do nothing but protect him but at the same time I wanted to run. Caring about him has made me vulnerable, too vulnerable, if anything happened…," she stopped to collect herself as her tears began anew. "If anything happened I could lose him and I just don't think I could live through that again. I can't do it, I can't." She felt Cinna's weight as he shifted to a seat beside her and brought his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. She gathered her strength after a minute and he handed her a tissue.

"See now that wasn't so hard now was it?" He asked lightly and Katniss was surprised when a small giggle escaped her lips at his humor. He gave her a small chuckle in agreement before he continued. "You said you felt vulnerable because things are out of your control when it comes to Peeta and you are afraid you would end up completely broken if that were to happen, right?" Katniss simply nodded in agreement. "Katniss, putting yourself out there for someone else is a scary thing, a lot of people can't do it and end up hiding who they are most of their lives. But if you can find someone that you can show yourself to and not hold anything back, well, that's a special thing you can't let that go." Cinna said as he pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and waited for her to process it.

"I just… I saw what it did to my mother, she completely shut down and I know… I know I'd do the same." She whispered causing Cinna to move back over to his chair so that he could look her square in the eye.

"Katniss, look at me," he prompted and she complied without question, meeting his warm gaze. "You are not your mother. Peeta is not your father. Your circumstances are completely different. You are going to shelve what could potentially be a great relationship on the off chance that something bad might happen. The future isn't certain Katniss, it never is. You can't always think the worst of things; you have to just sometimes have hope that things will work themselves out. Besides you've got a great group of friends that truly care about you. Peeta truly cares about you and I know without a doubt if you ever needed anything they'd all do whatever they could to help you."

Katniss seemed to feel the weight lift off of her shoulders some at his words. True, she wasn't her mother; maybe she could handle putting herself out there. Maybe something bad never would happen; she'd hate to hurt Peeta if she didn't have to. It would hurt her more than she'd care to admit if she had to shut him out now. "How is he Cinna? What happened?"

Cinna let out a slow breath and seemed to grow wearier by the moment, she felt guilty for laying so much on him. "Well we don't know exactly what happened. Peeta says that he was making his way out of the front entrance for the drill when he heard a commotion and went to investigate. He came across two people dragging a third and tying him up to the banister. Peeta being the person that he is attempted to apprehend them himself and you saw the end result." Katniss waited for him to continue, holding her breath in her chest until it burned. "Peeta's okay I think. He got a few nice bruises and strained his ankle; he was pretty shook up though. I left him resting in the sick bay in the nurse's station. I'm not sure if Headmaster Snow will have him sent to the hospital to be looked over too or not."

Katniss let the air she was holding slowly escape her lungs. "And Gale?"

"I don't know Katniss. He was pretty banged up and unconscious when we got to him. They took him away in the ambulance and I haven't heard anything more."

Katniss nodded and Cinna stood up and stretched out the kinks in his neck as he moved to leave. "Cinna?"

He stopped and turned to look at Katniss. "Is there something going on here at Panam?"

He raised an eyebrow at her and took a step back towards her. "What do you mean?"

"Well you mentioned something about not knowing how long you'd be here and some of the other teachers are acting weird…" she trailed off as she waited for his response.

He let out a breath and stared at her momentarily before answering. "Some people don't like how close I have become with the students, they think I'm too lax and undermine their objectives. You and Peeta and the rest of you need to watch out for each other Katniss, I think changes are coming." With that he bid her farewell and made his way out of the door.

Unable to sleep after her impromptu nap Katniss scurried off to the bathroom and took a warm shower and cleaned up. She returned to her room and tried to get back to sleep but tossed and turned all the while picturing Peeta battered and beaten resting alone in the nurse's station. She couldn't bare it. She needed him and she hoped that he'd let her explain her reaction and that Gale wasn't even an option for her, she was too far in love with Peeta to even think of Gale in that way.

She slipped on her shoes and slid out the door. She reasoned if she was stopped by any teachers or staff on patrol she could simply feign illness and claim she needed to get to the nurse's station, her eyes and nose were still swollen from all of her tears that it would probably be believable. Still she sighed in relief when she reached the doors to the nurse's room without any interruption.

The head Nurse Paylor was off, either with Gale or retired for the evening. She didn't see any other on call nurse or volunteer either. Katniss moved from curtained area to curtained area until she found him. He was the only one in the whole wing and it was so quiet and dark that she immediately became spooked and looked around her shoulders as if a monster might leap out from a shadow and sink its teeth into her.

A soft lamp was glowing on the bedside table next to the cot and the shadows that landed on Peeta brought sharp relief to his newly darkening bruises. She could see his foot propped and wrapped as well as his arm and who knows where else under the blanket. His hair seemed even more unruly as he slept and she couldn't help but thread her fingers in it and gently brush the hair from his forehead. The relief she hadn't been able to feel earlier finally surfaced. He hadn't left her, he was still here.

She was so lost in her thoughts as she brushed his hair softly aside that she hadn't realized she'd let more tears fall or that Peeta had awoken and was softly staring at her. "Katniss?" He whispered questioningly, his eyes squinted in the dim light as if he thought he might be seeing things.

"Oh Peeta!" She let out. She jerked her hand back and covered her mouth realizing she'd cried out his name a little loudly. He brought his one unwrapped hand over to hers and gently pulled her hand from her mouth. He pulled her gently to his side on the bed not caring if she bumped his sore body at all. His blue eyes stared at her with an unwavering look of concern on his face. "I'm so sorry Peeta!"

"Sorry for what?" He asked her with a perplexed look upon his face. She sobbed into the crook of his arm and he began to rub the back of her neck letting her collect herself. "Kantiss?"

She sniffed and brought her eyes to his. "I'm sorry that you thought there was something going on between me and Gale. There's nothing there really… and I'm sorry that you got hurt and… I just lost it when I couldn't find you when the alarm when off. Rue and I overheard Cato mention that he was up to something tonight and it slipped my mind after we argued and then I remembered…" She had to stop to take in a gulp of air, she was rambling but she couldn't help it. She had to tell him everything. He waited patiently for her to continue, "I tried to find you I even tried to go back to the library but Coin saw me and I had to go out with everyone else. I was so worried. When they let us in I dragged Rue to the front but when I saw you I just shut down, I didn't want to feel it, it hurt too much. Then I saw Gale and I was truly horrified. You are right this place isn't safe. I don't remember much after that. Rue took me back to our room and I broke down and when I woke up Cinna was there… and I talked to him. He told me to take a chance, I had to have hope. So I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure out all this… I couldn't wait any more I had to come down and make sure you were okay… I couldn't stand the thought of you down here alone, hurt and thinking I didn't care… I do Peeta."

Peeta ran his hand over her hair and she pressed her forehead against his and for a moment it was just silence the two of them staring into the eyes of the other. Peeta finally broke the silence, "I'm sorry too Katniss, I overreacted with Gale. It's just that you are so beautiful that I'm afraid someday you'll move on to someone better and I couldn't blame you." Tears finally sprung up in his blue orbs as he finished and Katniss couldn't stand it any longer. She brought her lips down on his as gently as she could. She could feel the split lip he had as well as her own sore lip but she didn't care it seemed Peeta didn't either. She poured all she could into that kiss.

They broke apart still resting heads together, "What did Cinna tell you to take a chance on and have hope for?" Peeta asked her.

She took a deep breath and answered him truthfully. "Peeta I feel so deeply for you it's scary to let you in, I honestly thought that I was going to lose you tonight and the pit of despair nearly swallowed me whole. I lost my father and saw my mother shut out the entire world, even her own daughters. I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be vulnerable like that if something were to happen… But Cinna made me see that everyone is different that I am not my mother, and you aren't my father, I can't predict the future but sometimes good things happen as well as bad. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I love you Peeta. So much it scares me but I don't want to run anymore."

He took in a breath at her words and tears spilled over onto his bruised cheek. She leaned down and gently kissed it away. "Oh God Katniss I love you too, so much… you have no idea." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her tightly too him. It had to hurt him but he didn't seem to mind and she breathed him in deeply laying her head on his chest and listened to the reassuring thump of his heart. It felt so relaxing and for the first time in months she felt content, like she had come home.

The sun was starting to break through the horizon when Peeta kissed her head and urged her to get back to her room before they were caught. She placed a soft kiss on his lips and promised to be back down as soon as she could to check on him. He looked tired and sore but his eyes were shining and he was smiling ear to ear when she left.

She was creeping up near the second floor when she heard the unmistakable tone of Coin's voice. Katniss strained to hear and slid to the corner and held her breath. "How could you have been so stupid?"

"Well he had it coming!" Cato snapped back in almost childish manner.

"Had it coming?! Football is not the end all be all Cato we have bigger things to worry about. It's a good thing no one has come forward and reported anything or you'd really be screwed!" Her voice was in a loud whisper but there was no mistaking her anger.

"No one saw anything I swear!" He answered back.

"Not even Mellark?" She asked him.

Katniss stopped even breathing; Coin and Cato were in on something together? Cato had definitely been the one that attacked Gale and she was covering for him!

"No, I don't think so. I mean we had our faces covered the whole time." Cato answered nervously.

"You had better hope not because if you blow this for me I will kill you." Coin answered before dismissing Cato.

Katniss was so in shock she nearly didn't recover in time to dart back down the hallway before Cato emerged. Her brain tried to process the news but it kept circling back to one thing… Coin and Cato were working together! Peeta was Cato's roommate, what would happen when he had to return to that room? Would Cato do something to Peeta? She reached the room just as Rue had returned.

Rue looked at Katniss with a worried expression on her face. "Katniss what is it?" She asked.

"Rue, something very bad is going on… no one's safe."

_A/N: First of all I want to thank everyone for the awesome response to the last chapter as well as some other new comers that have joined in the story. I am glad so many of you have been able to connect with emotional issues that these characters face and I do try to accurately reflect those feelings as well as how they are handled. On another note I was shocked to find out that Shattered had been nominated for an Energize W.I.P. award! To vote go to _www*energizewipawards*blogspot*com/2011/09/nominee s*html

_I've never been nominated for anything so that totally floored me! I have been going through a lot in my personal and professional life lately but working on this story and hearing your reviews has totally buoyed me through the tougher times so thank you all so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and understand where Katniss's reactions came from a little bit better now… and our plot thickens! But have no fear I'm working on more updates as quickly as I can! _

_With Love,_

_Holly_


	19. Chapter 19

Shattered

Chapter 19

Peeta

Peeta had just drifted off to sleep after sending Katniss on her way when he was awoken again by the painfully bright voice of Nurse Paylor. "Rise and shine sleepy head!" She announced as she snapped back the curtains surrounding his cot. He squinted against the bright morning light and raised his good hand to shield his eyes. "How are we feeling this morning?"

She bustled about and grabbed his clipboard from the end of the bed that Cinna had meticulously filled out. She set about undressing the now warm compresses on his injuries and assessing them one at a time. His elbow was just severely bruised she conclude as was his kidney and ribs. "Everything looks okay just might be sore for a few days. We'll have you use the bathroom and we'll test for blood in the urine to rule out any more severe damage." She seemed to be speaking more to herself than to him it seemed. On a closer examination of her appearance Peeta could see the dark rings under her eyes, the slightly puffiness from being up too long was something you couldn't hide that well with makeup.

"How's Gale?" He asked her timidly.

She pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side thinking about his question. "Technically I'm not supposed to comment on another student but seeing's as you were involved I suppose I can let you know the basics. " She collapsed heavily on to the folding metal chair beside his bed and let out a deep sigh before she continued. "He'll be alright. He had a mild concussion from the bump on his head, some broken fingers and some bumps and bruises. They are going to keep him for a few days just for monitoring."

Peeta nodded in understanding and Nurse Paylor stood to her feet before continuing her assessment. She unwrapped his ankle and looked it over. "Can you move your ankle Peeta?" She asked. He moved it tentatively up and down before rolling it around, he felt a small twinge but nothing like how it had felt last night. "Good that's good." She held up her hand halting his movements. "Have you had any dizziness, nausea, headaches?"

He shook his head and she gave him a warm smile. "That's good Peeta. Why don't we try getting you up on your feet and see how you feel? Why don't we get you some breakfast and then we'll get you up and moving to the rest room and maybe a nice warm shower hmm?" He nodded and tried to give her a smile to reassure her but it wavered and fell from his face in a flash.

He downed his pills with his juice and proceeded to chew his rubbery scrambled eggs mechanically his eyes unfocused on the wall opposite him. He knew without a doubt that Cato had been one of the perpetrators of the crime, he had mulled over the idea of turning that information over to Snow but it seemed Coin had more control than the Headmaster and she'd make some sort of power play to keep him out of trouble and vilify Peeta in the same breath. He figured his best bet to getting through in the meantime was to feign ignorance. If he truly acted like he didn't know who had bludgeoned Gale and roughed him up Cato couldn't retaliate without putting himself into a guilty light.

He was still in his own world when a flurry of motion in his peripheral vision caught his eye. He heard her voice before he'd been able to refocus his eyes on her. "Peeta," she'd breathed as she came to a halt beside his bed, her chest rising and falling as she struggled to regain her breath as if she'd run all the way to him. He turned his eyes on her questioning what might have happened to have her in such a harried state.

"Coin is working with Cato." She whispered very bluntly and before Peeta could even digest that little nugget of information she continued on. "I overheard them on my way back to my room. She was pissed that he'd nearly blown their charade by taking out a childish vendetta on Gale."

Peeta simply couldn't make heads or tails of that news so he simply set his fork down on his plate and swallowed the now too dry eggs. Katniss shifted her weight back and forth on her feet as if she longed to begin pacing but was fighting it. "What are they planning do you think?" He asked her softly his eyes looking over her shoulder to make sure that no ears were present to hear their conversation.

She blew out an exasperated breath and sat gingerly down beside him on the narrow cot. "I have no idea. I told Rue as soon as I got back and she and I have both been trying to figure out something, anything… I came back as soon as I could." She looked tired and he wrapped his arm around her and gave her a reassuring squeeze and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He was tired too and he longed to just wrap her in his arms and sleep. When he was with Katniss they had their own little world, he felt safe but until they could get to the bottom of Coin's agenda that world truly existed only in his fantasies.

Katniss jumped as her eyes started to slide closed. "I have to go." She stood still holding his hand as she parted. "I'm going to be late for class. Crap." She said as she jogged off. Peeta couldn't force himself to eat another bite so he laid his head back on his pillow awaiting Nurse Paylor's reappearance. She didn't disappoint either, she re-appeared the smell of coffee strong on her breath her usually pristine uniform wrinkled and her hair pulled back into a limp ponytail.

She helped Peeta wobble to the bathroom where he freshened up and brushed his teeth, on his own thankfully. There was no blood in his urine for which he was grateful. By the time he returned to his bed his meds had kicked in and he fell asleep and didn't move until Katniss shook him awake to make him eat his tray of dinner she had brought him.

She sat in the metal folding chair beside his bed as he slurped the tomato soup and grilled cheese hungrily, she didn't say a word but Peeta could see just how tired she was. "Katniss why don't you head back up to your room and get some sleep babe? You look exhausted." He suggested softly as he brought his hand up and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. She leaned into the touch and closed her eyes before she clasped her hands around his wrist pinning his hand in place. Peeta could sense her need for physical comfort so he carefully wheeled his trey away from his bed and scooted over and pulled the blanket back and motioned for her to climb in beside him. She did so wordlessly and laid her head in the crook of his shoulder. She jostled his ribs a bit and he sucked in a breath determined to not let her know, but of course she'd heard. She picked up her head to look him in the eyes with a look full of concern. She started to speak and he did the only thing he could think of to quiet her, he brought his lips on to hers silencing any words she had. She returned the kiss with fervor brining her hand to his hair at the nape of his neck. Peeta's had trailed down to cup her chin as he slid his tongue along her bottom lip asking for entrance. She granted and he slid his tongue in her mouth to brush up against hers. She gave a breathy moan and Peeta could feel himself growing excited. Her close proximity made the problem glaringly obvious, not to mention their current location wasn't ideal, Peeta could hear Nurse Paylor talking with another student a few bays over. Peeta finally broke the heated kiss and proceeded to place a chaste kiss on her lips and then on her nose and then finally her forehead. She closed her eyes and returned to lay on his shoulder her breath evening out in mere minutes.

When Nurse Paylor came back she found the two wrapped around each other sound asleep. She cleared her breath and Peeta's eyes snapped open. He silently berated himself; he had meant to stay awake to assure they remained undisturbed and safe. Nurse Paylor didn't look mad she merely looked amused.

"Katniss." He gently shook her shoulder to wake her up. "Katniss, babe, it's almost curfew, you need to wake up." She groggily woke and rubbed her eyes, she caught sight of the nurse as she stretched and her cheeks blossomed a bright red.

"Not the first time I've caught students in bed together, though at least this time there wasn't nudity." Nurse Paylor laughed as she left to give them a moment alone to say their goodnights.

"See you tomorrow." Peeta whispered as he kissed Katniss before she broke into a yawn with a nod.

"See you tomorrow Peeta. Good night." She whispered as she gave him a small wave before exiting his area.

The nurse reappeared a moment later with a knowing smile on her face. She looked a little lighter on her feet like she might have gotten a little nap herself. "How are you feeling?" She proceeded to follow her question with a quick assessment. "Well nothing too serious, just take it easy. I'll have you excused from physical education for a week. You can get back to class tomorrow just be sure to stop in and get your meds and let me know if that ankle starts bothering you okay?"

And just like that she released Peeta to his dorm room, with Cato. He hadn't even had time to feel worry or fear before he was looking at his dorm room door. Like his heart was making up for lost time in started pounding furiously on the inside of his chest. Before he could lose what little bravery he had Peeta quickly turned the handle and thrust the door open expecting to be assaulted upon entering but was shocked to find Cato stooped over his desk and scribbling furiously his History book flopped open on the side of the desk. Cato glanced over his shoulder and returned back to his work. "Well look who it is… the _hero_ of Panam." Cato nearly snarled on the word hero but he kept his features impassive as he continued his work.

"I'm not a hero. In case you hadn't noticed I got my ass kicked." Peeta assuaged as he flopped down on the bed a little too heavily and sucked in a breath as the movement jostled his aching body. Cato smirked at the comment and Peeta's apparent discomfort, he wasn't dumb enough to actually slip and take credit. Peeta began to relax as he realized that Cato had deciphered the problem as much as Peeta had. Peeta would just feign ignorance in Cato's presence and he would remain safe, at least for now. Peeta was still groggy even though he had done nothing more than rest most of the day, the rollercoaster that had become his life had definitely worn him down. He slipped into sleep and slept the most soundly he had sense moving to Cato's room.

He woke with a start the next morning. The alarm by his bed had yet to go off and Cato was still sound asleep across the room. He wasn't sure what had woken him from his sound slumber; he hadn't remembered having a nightmare. Slowly the previous days' events came back to him and he slumped back onto the mattress. He was furious at himself for having let his guard down so completely around Cato. He had no idea what Cato's intentions were or how far he might go.

Peeta scrubbed his hands over his face in an attempt to dispel any remaining thoughts of sleep and stood to start the day. He collected his uniform and hurried down to the showers and readied for the day. By the time he'd presented himself at the nurse's office he felt somewhat normal again. After he'd answered her myriad of questions and quick glances at his wounds he hurried off to breakfast where he'd hopefully get a chance to sit with Katniss.

There she was sitting in the room next to Rue enjoying her breakfast. As if she could feel his eyes on her she brought her gaze to his and he felt like he could just stand there and look at her forever if he could. Joanna came up from behind and grasped his arm giving him a tug, "C'mon lover boy you can't fondle her from all the way over here." She laughed as she tugged him toward the food, his faced blushed crimson and he averted his eyes to the floor.

"Sh... Joanna someone might hear you." Peeta admonished as he grabbed a bagel and cream cheese from the buffet.

"And anyone you didn't want to know about the two of you already does Peeta. So what does hiding really get you other than miserable?" Peeta looked at her and was surprised by the intensity and seriousness in her voice. He didn't say anything just gave her a shaky nod in acceptance.

Peeta made his way over to the table where Katniss gave him a questioning look. He offered her a small smile and slid his hand into hers under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"You two are pathetically cute!" Finnick announced as he and Annie joined them. Katniss rolled her eyes and her cheeks blushing in a soft pink. Peeta actually felt proud that everyone seemed to know they were together and that Katniss didn't seem to want to deny it either. Maybe Joanna's words did have some merit.

The rag tag group broke up and headed off to class for the morning. Peeta couldn't help himself from smiling as he purposely brushed up alongside Katniss during their trek to Coin's classroom, for the first time in a long time he had hope. He should have known something would have come along and ruined this good mood he was in, especially since they had Coin for the first half of the day.

"Alright everyone settle down." The class immediately took their seats and averted their attention to Coin who leaned casually against the desk a dark gleam in her eyes. She peered at each of the students as if analyzing them and looking for the weakest link. Each student seemed to squirm under her stare.

"Today I'd like to switch things up a bit. I'd like to pair you up with a partner, then I've got some assignments in the basket here and I'll have you draw them up at random. You will work with your partner until the completion of this unit at the end of the month. There will be no exceptions and I will not reassign anyone. You need to work together to complete the work. You and your partner will receive the same grade. Understood?"

The students just nodded dumbly as Coin began to read off names. Peeta was thankfully paired with Rue, but as Coin droned on with her assignments Peeta couldn't help but feel his stomach sink as realization dawned on him. "…and Cato will be with Katniss."

No! Was the only thought that passed through Peeta's mind. He gripped his hands on the side of the desk until his knuckles were white under the strain. He glanced at Katniss who tried to appear stone faced as she glanced at Cato but he could see the underlying nerves she was trying to hide. Her hand shook as she rested it in her lap, her foot worried up and down on the floor bouncing her leg, she chewed her bottom lip. She chanced a glance at Peeta and shrugged. There was nothing they were going to do about it, for now they just had to what they were told. They were at Coin's mercy, but Peeta worried if the woman had any mercy in her at all.

_A/N: I had planned on having this little ditty done and out the door on Friday. Well you know how it is when you get so sick you don't want to move… well that has been me for the last three days only I had to tend to a rambunctious preschooler and a moping husband who can't handle illness. It's sad that coming back to work felt more like resting. I'm on the up and up now so I can continue on with our adventures of Katniss and Peeta… sounds like a comic book eh? Too bad I'm not an artist! Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter as we move on with Cato, Coin and the evil gang ;)_


	20. Chapter 20

Katniss

Katniss sucked in a large breath when she heard Coin announce her name with Cato's, she held on to it until her lungs burned and it escaped from her lips raggedly. She had known deep down in the pit of her stomach that the announcement was coming but it still didn't stop the terror that seeped in upon hearing Coin's husky voice announce it to the room. Coin's lips nearly curled up in a smile upon announcing the assignments.

Katniss chanced a quick glance to Peeta whose blue eyes shone with worry. She tried to give him a smile but her lips refused to cooperate. There was some shuffling and scuffing as students rearranged their seating to find a spot next to their partner and then put the two desks together. She was still near Rue and Peeta as Cato plopped down next to her and jammed his desk over to hers with a resounding thud. The noise made her jump in her seat and she silently berated herself for appearing weak. Her reaction brought a maniacal gleam to Cato's eyes. Peeta looked over at her in worry and she could see him clenching his hands into tight fists repeatedly as Coin circled the room with her jar filled with slips of paper. She hid her own trembling hands in her lap below her desk and clasped them together to quell their tremor.

Each pair took a turn retrieving a slip of paper with their assignment from the glass fish bowl that Coin held out. When Coin reached their table Cato deftly slipped his hand in the bowl and retrieved a slip of paper. After silently reading the assignment he slid it over to Katniss's desk to review. Great they were doing an entire project on Edgar Allen Poe.

"Now before you all start jabbering away with nonsense let me explain your assignment. I have given you each one great writer. You will encompass this writer and his or her works in each part of your assignment. I would like you to pick an interesting angle about the writer and pursue that angle. I would like a 10 page term paper in addition to at least one of the following extra artistic endeavors: a movie, a play, a song, a painting or drawing, or your own creative literary work mirroring your writers' style. I will give you until end of the term to finish this long term project so that gives you exactly four weeks before finals start." She clasped her hands together and began prowling down the aisles of students, each student shifted nervously as she passed. "Now it is my hope that by my assigning your partner that this will force you to work with someone different, pushing you outside your boundaries. I do hope that both your term paper and you literary works excite you as it does me. I can't wait to see what happens! Now you have fifteen minutes before the end of this period, why don't you hash out a schedule with your partner for out of class times and possible angles. I will give you one class period a week to use at your discretion towards this project." As she reached the front of the class room she pivoted on her feet and leaned casually against the front of her desk, "And I must caution you," she paused for dramatic effect, "This assignment is worth 25 percent of your final grade and both partners will receive the same grade. No reassignments will be given under any circumstances! Now good luck!"

Katniss could have sworn that Coin nearly giggled with glee. She shifted nervously in her seat as she looked at Cato. She was aware he wasn't entirely obtuse, he made good grades well enough, he just had a cruel spirit and enough brawn to carry out heinous things against others. She tried to push all that away and focus on the task at hand.

"So…" She began as she flicked her eyes nervously at Cato. Cato stared at her silently nearly licking his lips.

"So…" he parroted back to her.

"When do you want to work on this project?" She asked as she began tapping her pen against her notebook, another nervous habit.

"Well… what is your work study schedule?" Cato asked her softly.

Katniss was nearly taken aback by his lack of fight and his normal tone of voice. "I have garden duty this week so I'm free tonight and Friday night."

"Well I have plans tonight but I'm free Friday night."

"Meet in the library at 6 then after dinner?" She asked as she flicked her eyes nervously to Peeta who was keeping his stare upon her unabashedly. She could feel her face grow warm under his scrutiny.

"Sure Kat, it's a date!" Cato smiled a disarming smile before he stood and efficiently placed his desk neatly back in its row. Before Katniss could protest his choice of words the bell rang and the class broke apart in the usual echo of voices as the students picked up their books and headed out the door to lunch.

"What was that all about?" Peeta asked as they entered the lunch line.

"What was what about?" Katniss asked as she plopped tartar sauce on her fish sandwich.

"Cato, Coin… that whole morning?" He asked as he released a breath blowing his bangs off his forehead.

"I dunno, Coin seemed like she was being her old self, happy at the thought of making us squirm… Cato on the other hand I don't know. Maybe he was just in a good mood or something."

"Good mood?" Rue squeeked as she moved to Katniss's other side. "Cato doesn't do good moods that I've ever seen. Except…" her voice petered out as made her way to the table.

"I think Cato's up to something. And Coin." Peeta stated as he took his usual seat.

"Either that or he has the hots for Katniss like he did that time with Glimmer… that's the only time he was ever nice was when he was trying to get her to go out with him." Rue announced as she swiped her celery stick in her dressing.

Peeta gave Rue a glare and Katniss too felt the anger bubble up inside of her at Rue's insinuation. Even if Cato did find her attractive she certainly would never give him the time of day no matter how much he laid on the charm. She couldn't date someone that liked to hold power over other people that liked to hurt them for the sheer joy of it. The fact that they thought she would fall for his tricks made her blood boil.

"I am not stupid enough to fall for any of Cato's tricks thank you very much." She snipped as she bit into her carrot.

"I didn't say you would Katniss." Peeta said, his voice sounded a little defeated. Seeing his dejected face she calmed down and tried to change the subject.

"I still have to work with him on this project though I'm sure I'll be doing most of the work, who did you guys get by the way?" She tried to push the lightness in her tone and she hoped it sounded believable.

"We got Stephen King." Rue said hoping to keep the conversation going.

Peeta didn't seem to get the hint. He stared at his place and chewed mechanically and swirled his food around without eating much. Katniss laid her hand softly on his to still his movements, she leaned in closer to him and asked him softly, "You okay?" She asked.

He simply shrugged. "Peeta seriously you need to tell me what is wrong so we can work on it together okay?"

He let out a shaky breath before admitting what was on his mind. "I'm just worried because what if this is Cato's and Coin's way of keeping me quiet. They could do something to you Katniss, they have you and I can't do anything to protect you. I feel so damn powerless and it sucks! I feel like this is my fault."

She longed to lean in and press her lips to his but she couldn't in the room full of people. "Peeta that is exactly how I feel about you sharing a room with Cato every night. I worry and feel the same way you worry about me but this isn't your fault, I'm a big girl I can take care of myself but I will try to meet with Cato in the library or public places if that makes you feel any better. Maybe we can schedule our times to together so that you and Rue will be there too. It might make me a lot less nervous actually." She offered him a small smile and she could see the tension ease out of his shoulders.

He nodded and finally offered her a genuine smile since the morning. "I think that sounds smart Katniss." He mouthed the words _love you_ and she did the same. The exchange was not lost on Rue who giggled into her napkin. Katniss smacked her softly on her thigh in admonishment.

"Hello my lovelies." Joanna said as she flopped down into her seat.

"Hi." The three of them said in unison. They looked at each other and broke into a fit of giggles that carried on for longer than it probably should have, they were drawing attention to themselves but for the first time in a long time Katniss didn't care. It felt good to laugh; it was a release to let some of the tension she'd been holding onto go.

"What the hell is wrong with you weirdos?" Johanna asked quirking her eyebrow.

"Oh about everything." Peeta answered and they giggled even harder.

Well at least whatever happens I really do have my friends Katniss thought as she looked at Peeta and Rue and even at Johanna and Finnick and Annie as they made their way over. For the first time since her father had passed she finally felt she belonged somewhere. No Panam wasn't all bad, there were terrible things amiss, but all in all it really did feel like home.

_A/N: Sorry about the wait on this one and I know it is shorter than I have been writing but we are getting close to finding out what Coin is up to and I want to lead into it gracefully and realistically and not just plop it all in your lap =) I hope you enjoyed this installment and I will post another chapter next week =) Feel free to leave me some love or on Tumblr at ChaseChick… I love chatting with other like minded people!_


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